If its not good enough for his sisters then it shouldnt be good enough for me, right?

[itsover]

Hi all,

i broke up with my boyfriend yesterday in a heated discussion. I just want some advice on whether this is a cultural thing, male hypocracy or me being over sensitive.

Im from the UK and he is from a non-EU country. I would not say that he is particularly religious but there are elements of culture that make him probably more conservative than I am.

The problem is that, he tends to agree with me alot of the time without really expressing his opinion. Atleast that how I feel. I feel as though when we are discussing things sometimes, he will often say that I misunderstood what he was actually trying to say and switch the literal meaning to an actual meaning. Is this cultrual, or do guys do that? do guys just agree with stuff, evern importnant stuff, just to avoid an arguement?

Most of the time I just let it slide, but yetserday it really p***ed me off.

We live in different countries but we visit eachother every month.

We have a sexual relationship and yesterday we started talking about it generally. He said, at first, that he felt that what we did together was bad - as I asked him how he felt about it. Although he is more religious than I am, I was surprised becasue he had never said anything about it before.

Then after we argued abit, he said that I had misunderstood him and said that what he meant was that in his country, other people would consider that what we do is bad.

The second statement, if that had been what he intended to say, I can accept. But the problem is that I didnt belive that that was the inital intended statement. So I asked whether he would be happy for his sisters to being in the sort of relationship that we had, and he said - no, I wouldnt be happy with it.

I feel like he was basically saying that us having sex was OK, wrong but ok, but too wrong for his sisters. So, what makes him think that its ok for us to be together in that way? By saying that he would not be happy for one of his sisters to have a boyfriend (they are both over 21) but that it was ok for me, I felt that he was saying that they were better than I was or that they were to good or precious for anyone to be with them, or that I wasnt as important to him as they were.

I felt that he didnt take my feelings into consideration but and the same time i was glad that FOR THE FIRST TIME he had actually given an honest answer.

So I said that I didnt want to be with him anymore as he had made me feel as though when we were together he was lying the whole time about how he felt about the ligitimacy of when we were together.

Is this a cultural thing? or male hypocrisy? Or am I being over sensitive?

[roy_delene]

I don't know where he's from but he seems to have an unenlightened attitude towards women. I think he's being hypocritical . Are you inferior compared to his sisters? Maybe it would be better to find a companion that feels women are as equal as men when it comes to relationships

[Incognito]

I think you read into what he was saying too much. No male wants to think about their sister in the bed with another man. If he is from a conservative country the feeling is probably even stronger. I have known guys that beat up their sister's boyfriends because they were having sex. Sex feels good obviously, which is why he is doing it with you. However he probably does feel some degree of guilt about it because of his upbringing/culture. The fact that you turned this into him somehow viewing his sisters as more pure than you shows your massive insecurity and nothing else (unless there is more that you haven't shared with us). Having said that I believe he is better of without you now that you've dumped him. If you can't handle foreign/different viewpoints and feelings about life then don't have a relationship with someone whose culture differs from yours.

[Gigabitch]

Whatever it is, cultural differences, bad communication or you being too sensitive doesn't really matter. What matters is that the relationship wasn't working for you.

[lilly1185]

I agree with Giga.

You seemed to be having so much turmoil over the situation, it was better to just leave it.
Now you are free to find someone
A) Close by
B) Whom you can communicate with
C) and shares your values

If you ever have misgivings about a relationship, it's your gut telling you "make it stop".

[VincenzoG91]

I am so bored with the madonna/whore complex. Why are so many guys such hypocrites about sex? I'm a guy, and I just don't get it.

[xxazurexx]

I think he's saying exactly what he is thinking. Only when you are questioning further and he senses your upset, he's rewording it and to make it sound better.

If I was in a relationship with some man, that he told me was wrong and he wouldn't approve of the same kind of relationship for his sisters, then that would make me think that he didn't see 'us' as being a 'serious' thing. He is ok for the moment with 'us', but it's something that isn't going to last. He will and when it comes to settling down, choose the same kind of relationshipfor himself, that he'd like for his sisters.

[davidtorres]

its both. i wouldnt let my sister go sleep with another guy if they are not married yet but I will do a girl even though we are not married. does it make sense? he is just a brother trying to look up for his sister.

[VincenzoG91]

its both. i wouldnt let my sister go sleep with another guy if they are not married yet but I will do a girl even though we are not married. does it make sense? he is just a brother trying to look up for his sister.

So you would do a girl even though you are not married to her? What if she has a brother? Is it his fault now? Or can you take some responsibility for your actions? Can you not see your hypocrisy?

[Incognito]

I think that is the point he was trying to make. It is hypocritical, but most guys would feel the same way.