Could an ex-couple support each other emotionally?

[Council Kwang]

Hey everyone, I am very torn about a situation I'm in with my ex. I hope this isn't too long, I appreciate anyone willing to listen.

My ex and I were together for about a month and a half. Not long, but I was crazy about her. We moved fast, but I honestly felt we were on the same page. Not a single moment we spent together wasn't filled with smiles and laughs. Then she came to me and said the following..

-She really did have a good time when we were together.
-I was, objectively, exactly what she was looking for in a guy.
-She felt very comfortable talking to me.
-She would like me to remain in her life.

but...
-She did not feel a certain "spark" or connection.
-She did not know why, and had tried very hard to have these feelings, but could not.
-She had been in relationships all her life, and felt that maybe she needed to be single for a while.
-She wanted to date other guys.
-She had a past traumatic experience with an ex, which we discussed, and felt she needed to be single to work it out before moving on.

Well, it hurt deeply, and I found myself not only mourning for her, but for some reason facing my own past (I was abused as a child).
Unsure of what to do, I got together with her. We talked very freely and comfortably, and agreed that it seemed wasteful
to throw away our caring for each other and ability to communicate. I want desperately to be in her life non-romantically, but how? Could I ever abandon my feelings for her? I asked her how she had made progress on overcoming her past issue. She hadn't. I hadn't. And so I proposed this idea..

-We could occasionally get together and offer each other emotional support, open up to each other about the things we hid inside, listen to each other and offer support.
-We would remain entirely focused on this - no flirting, no gifts, no talking about our day, no getting ice cream afterwords.
-Between meetings, we would break contact with each other.

When I told her this, she started to cry. I've never seen her cry. I asked what was wrong, and she said that nobody had ever offered her the chance to talk about her issue, and that it meant a lot. Suddenly I felt that there might be a deeper connection between us after all, even if it wasn't meant to be a romantic one.

Now I don't know. Part of me feels I could be happier with her playing a different role in life, and it would help me get over my old feelings for her, not to mention help me get over some older issues. But another part of me is holding onto the idea that this could fill the missing gap between us and lead us back into a relationship.

I don't want to turn around and cancel this idea now - my offer meant a lot to her. I want us to fit in each other's lives in a healthy way. But I also want closure, and now something inside says the door is still open.

[cmacattack1]

This can mean a deeper connection. It could also mean you could just end up being her emotional tampon.

Keep yourself rounded in this. You don't KNOW if she had a good time with you and you don't KNOW if you were objectively everything she wants. She says this to you but doesn't want to be with you. Her actions trump her words in this, because they are telling the true story. If you were everything that she wants, she would want to be with you.

I'm not saying your a bad guy, I'm sure you are a good person, and it's clear you care about her by listening to her and helping her with her issues. While she may be grateful for this, do not think for a second you can use this to your advantage to try and swing another shot out of this. You could very well just be her friend she could vent to. Relationships don't usually start from crying and talking and all that. They start with mutual attraction and having a good time together. It just seems like a negative place to come from to have for a relationship foundation. I could very well be wrong and it could work out. But don't let your expectations soar too high. You could end up chewed up and spit out and feel worse then before.

[Trickee]

Okay, so if she's been in relationships all her life then you might've just been a rebound or just another guy she wanted to date for a short while. Either way it's obviously affected you emotionally. So this is what i would do, since you already went ahead and offered to be her shoulder to cry on basically give it a week to test it out. Talk about your past and situations and see how it goes, how she acts etc. You don't want to end up falling deeper and getting hurt so if you guys do just talk about what you agreed on then sure, why not be there for each other. But if you start developing deeper feelings for her and it doesn't seem she's falling for you then i'd back out asap. Situations like these are extreme heartbreak situations and you do not want to keep in touch with her if it's only gonna make you want her in your life more. If this does happen, i'd stop all communication with her for a good few months then maybe you can text her and see how things are going and meet up for a cup of coffee or something. Hopefully you're thinking straight when you guys have that first talk. Good luck !

[Council Kwang]

Thank you for the replies. I've come to accept that I should not be with her, and cannot accept her back. It's time to forget about her, and this could very well make it harder. Macattack, you are right, I guess there is no way of knowing how she felt, or if she really cares about me at all. But I do know that this offer meant a lot to her, so I will do it for her, and like Trickee said, we'll just see how it goes. I don't believe this is a normal thing to do after a relationship, so maybe something can be learned here. If so I'll let yall know.

[Jas_mine]

I think the spark or connection is usually instant, she gave it a month and half and still couldn't find it so you should accept that it's very likely that it's probably not going happen for you guys romantically. Of course I ain't no psychic and nothing is ever set in stone but connecting emotionally with her won't provide you with a short-cut to her heart.

If you can honestly and truly just be her friend unconditionally then it's great otherwise it is best to stop kidding yourself and wasting your time. Depends on how much you value her in your life. How will you be able to cope when she finds a cerain somebody and chooses you to discuss him with? If the thought of this doesn't kill you inside then you're good to go.

Remember, sometimes soulmates make better friends than lovers.