Unrequited love.

[Taurusguy]

Just to start off this is going to involve two males, so if that makes anybody uncomfortable please don't read on.

Anyway.. My problem has been bothering me for a really long time and it's peaked just recently.

I have been friends with this guy for about 15 years, I am 21. We grew up together and we were inseparable, I never really had feelings for him until we got to high school. I came out to him before anybody else and he was uncomfortable at first but he eventually came to support me. I never told him about how I felt.

A couple years later we were hanging out one night and we had a few drinks. We ended up having sex. He was straight, or so I thought. About another year later he came out to me. This was really hard on me because he started receiving a lot of male attention and it made me quite jealous.. none of these guys ever went anywhere so that kept me at ease.

We developed a sexual relationship. Anytime we were together we would have sex. I finally told him how I felt and he told me that he didn't feel the same way and could never see us being anything more than friends. He never truly gave me a reason and I made myself believe it was everything about me and I beat myself up over it.. bad self esteem. We maintained our sexual relationship, I engaged in it even though I knew it was horribly unhealthy for my emotions..

About a week ago he met a guy and they hit it off.. They are dating now and It hurts so much. I told him I needed time away so that I could try to move on and let my feelings go but it seems so impossible at this point. I became unemployed a while ago and all my free time is wreaking havoc on my mind, I cant think about anything else and my dreams are always the same. I only have one other good friend aside from this guy and as such I can't fill myself with distractions.

I go running and spend a lot of time outside but it isn't helping, he is contacting me telling me he loves me and he doesn't want us to take time apart.. but I cannot see myself being around him and hear about his new man and see how fake he has become in his mannerisms.

What should I do? Should I continue to be around this guy I have known most of my life and make myself hurt even more? Of course I don't WANT to stop contacting him.. and I told him it was just for a while so I could try to move on, I thought not having him around would hurt less but it doesn't seem to be helping.. I know being around him wouldn't help my attachment problem I have with him either. I'm really confused and I could use some advice, has anyone else ever been in this position? Please share

[cmacattack1]

I think your instinct is right, that you should separate yourself from this situation. You can't help how you feel and it's hurting you to be around him when you can't have what you want. You have to really think about yourself in this because that's what he is thinking of. To have a partner to hook up with when he's drunk or in the mood, but not a relationship. Him telling you he still loves you and everything is just to keep you around, to keep what you guys had which was a big comfort zone for him.

It's tough to have to cut out somebody that has always been a big part of your life. It happens all the time though to everyone, and we all find a way to deal. You didn't know it would turn out like this and you shouldn't put up with this kind of behavior in the first place. It hurts but you know what you have to do. Doing it is the easy part, sticking to it to get yourself through it when he just calls when he wants is the hard part. Be sure to lay how you feel out there and if he cared for you or had any respect for your feelings, you would let him be.

[Taurusguy]

Thanks for the input, things have gotten easier.