Girlfriend no longer interested in sex. At my wit's end.

[Incognito]

... good luck ftm, i'm rooting for you...

I'm rooting for his penis, LOL. The sooner her gets rid of her and her problems the sooner he'll get his sex life back on track.

[RdHrshyKss]

haha, of course you would be incognito, i think all guys are rooting for his penis. but he said he loves her, so i think it's a little more to him than just getting laid. he's invested a lot of time into the relationship and he's still hoping that something will happen in therapy that will make her start to change, and for good. i'm rooting for him in that he can learn from this and be positive towards the future (without her) and i'm rooting for her in finally acknowledging her issues...

[Incognito]

She's had enough time. My situation loosely mirrors his, which is why I made the comment about his penis. I am in not way one of those guys who thinks that getting laid is more important than anything else, but it should be a part of any healthy relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

This situation has moved beyond the penis. It turns out that she is still interested in sex, including with other guys. But more importantly, it seems that she is also a thoughtless and selfish person who may not be capable of love.

[Gigabitch]

Now, that's not fair, Vincenzo. I'm sure she loves herself plenty.

[RdHrshyKss]

yeah, i think she just isn't in love with him anymore and is afraid to lose that comfort she has of him being there for her. but if ftm wants to do therapy and wants to be positive, props to him...as long as he leaves come fall when things haven't changed.

incognito, i meant no disrespect, just made a stupid joke about guys thinking about sex...my bad.

[Incognito]

No problem. Sometimes the my writing style makeds it seem as though I am defensive when I'm not. I wasn't offended....just stating the facts

[IndiReloaded]

This situation has moved beyond the penis. It turns out that she is still interested in sex, including with other guys. But more importantly, it seems that she is also a thoughtless and selfish person who may not be capable of love.

Unless this is a woman who hates sex (doesn't sound like it), then the problem is an emotional one. Either her issues are hers, or are to do with you. Emotional needs often trump physical ones for women. When the ENs aren't being met for a long time, the PNs tend to go away. This is when women with healthy sex drives will start to look elsewhere if they can't figure things out with their partner. Or dump them.

Good luck.

[ftm]

well, come fall at least you'll have gotten something out of therapy for YOURSELF. if things don't work out (sorry to say that's what i'm thinking will happen if she continues to avoid her problems) at least you will have learned from the experience. i was listening to john mayer (not trying to be corny!) the other day and one of the verses applies here

Don't worry about being corny. I am a corny lyric-quoter myself!

I will be getting something out of therapy. I already have. We have our next appointment coming up in a couple of hours and I'm actually really looking forward to it.

I'm rooting for his penis, LOL. The sooner her gets rid of her and her problems the sooner he'll get his sex life back on track.

haha, of course you would be incognito, i think all guys are rooting for his penis. but he said he loves her, so i think it's a little more to him than just getting laid.

Oh yeah, it's more than that. I mean, if I just wanted to get laid I could have done that dishonestly a long time ago. I want a satisfying sexual relationship with my girlfriend. She often accuses me of "only caring about sex," as though wanting to make love to someone is some vulgar awful thing. It doesn't make any sense; *I* was the one with the sexually repressive upbringing. Frankly, I spent enough years with people telling me it was wrong for me to have sexual feelings and urges. I don't need to get that from my girlfriend on top of things.

I mean, what does she expect me to do, not think about sex ever unless she decides it's time for us to do it?

She's had enough time. My situation loosely mirrors his, which is why I made the comment about his penis. I am in not way one of those guys who thinks that getting laid is more important than anything else, but it should be a part of any healthy relationship.

Agreed.

This situation has moved beyond the penis. It turns out that she is still interested in sex, including with other guys. But more importantly, it seems that she is also a thoughtless and selfish person who may not be capable of love.

Well, she's been adamant that she's been generally void of *any* sexual feelings for me or for others since the problems began in earnest. I believe that she believes this. The fact that thing thing with this dude happened back in March (amazing that it's been two months know) tells me there are other things at work.

I don't think she's incapable of love, but I do think there's something about relating to someone in an intimate relationship that she just doesn't *get*. She's missing that tool kit. I could fit a novel with the number of self-absorbed things she's said and done lately.

[Gigabitch]

Life will be so much better for you when you lose this pain in the ass and find someone who is actually into you.

[cmacattack1]

Unless this is a woman who hates sex (doesn't sound like it), then the problem is an emotional one. Either her issues are hers, or are to do with you. Emotional needs often trump physical ones for women. When the ENs aren't being met for a long time, the PNs tend to go away. This is when women with healthy sex drives will start to look elsewhere if they can't figure things out with their partner. Or dump them.

Good luck.

This saga is still going on eh? Sorry, I don't mean to be insensitive. I just haven't seen very much growth to this point.

Indi's right. Emotional issues are there and need to be dealt with and she is clearly one of those people that will take comfort in who they are and regress instead of growing together with you and moving forward. Too many girls will stay with people they are unhappy with purely out of comfort and her actions show you she is clearly unhappy with you but is waiting for you give it the deathblow. Then she won't feel as guilty.

I've already pointed out the parallels in my relationship and how I was acting to your relationship and how your girlfriend was acting. I was just like her and didn't grow until I didn't have a crutch to lean on. I didn't learn until I got what I had coming to me and didn't have a chance back with her.

You know you have tried very hard and everything in your arsenal to keep this going. All the time and energy invested is the motivational fuel you are running on. Everything so far hasn't gotten you any results you seek. It's time to back away.

[readyrabbit]

Sex doesn't have to slow down; simple. it's all about attraction. And that can be worked on.

Is she taking the pill by the way? (sorry if that q has already been answered, I just didn't have the time to read through every response).

You may have to change your approach with her, sexually I mean. Do whatever it takes. It sounds like you love this woman a lot.

Good luck!

[Incognito]

Well ftm I'm glad that you are getting something out of the therapy. Please don't let this relationship go on much longer because, as I said before, it will affect how you deal with your next girlfriend. You have put in too much effort here and that may make you less likely to try as hard in your next relationship. Just food for thought.

[VincenzoG91]

I don't think this woman changed in recent months. I think that she has always been this selfish, and ftm is finally getting to know her better.

[RdHrshyKss]

would you mind explaining how the therapy session goes? or at least how it's been going so far. has the therapist given you any suggestions yet, or is he/she still trying to get the background on both of you? you had mentioned that you felt like the therapist was sort of concentrating on your past experiences before and not so much on hers, has that changed since your sessions started?