Torn.

[Bo]

i just got off the phone w/ my guy it is now 6:45 in the morning. And i haven't felt like this in a long time. He pretty much just told me that it's over between us if things don't progress between right now meaning me spending the night at his house etc. Which coming from the asian background that i do it is improper and promiscuous of a an unmarried vietnamese girl to spend the night at a bf's house and something my parents would never allow, PERIOD.i can't even spend the night at a gf's house! I'm 19, he's 22 and i understand that it's hard on him that i'm always having to be home on time and i can't b out til later than 2am unless it's planned ahead of time and i can't just spontaneously take off to where he is when he wants me to. He feels hurt that my dad doesn't know about him. I've told my mom about him but my dad just takes a little more time because he is EXTREMELY strict about dating.

i really want him to be apart of my family but it's so so hard for me to share things kinds of things with my parents and this is what he doesn't understand. And even then i can't be out doing whatever he wants me to do because it's considered disrespectful to my parents if i come and leave at all hours of the day. I am torn between just jumping ship w/ my parents and risk getting disowned and losing my family or losing the guy i love. THIS ****ING SUCKS.

He feels like we've gotten to the point where we need to move the relationship along or else we're not getting anywhere and i totally agree but he is giving me an ultimatum which makes me feel like he doesn't love me if can't stick around and work through things he wouldn't otherwise have to do w/ someone else. He feels like he won't be good enough for my parents and that's why i'm holding off...when that is completely not true. He's actually the first guy i've ever met who i think my parents and siblings would actually like. But even if he meets my family, that's still not enough to him, he wants to be able to be with me in every way like we're living together and coming from the background that i do, i just cannot do that as much as i want to.

He takes this as i don't love him and i feel like i'm shit out of luck. i don't know what to do.

[Bo]

**** **** **** **** ****

[Bo]

? this is so shitty i was already stressed about school, family, friends and now this...

[lastwish]

He's being dumb. Next thing you know, he wants you to move in with him and then you guys are going to pop out a couple of kids (well, you will). This is usually what happens to couples who get serious too young.

[Gigabitch]

So his choice is to continue on like this until you get married? He's way too young for that. Are you planning to keep living with your parents forever or is there a chance you might move out and get some roommates someday?

[Kiechi]

Your BF is a douche and sounds like he just wants a good ragging. Why else would he ask you over at such a time? Out of curiosity, is he white?

[Bo]

He's being dumb. Next thing you know, he wants you to move in with him and then you guys are going to pop out a couple of kids (well, you will). This is usually what happens to couples who get serious too young.

I'm comfortable with the way things are...i see him 4-5 times a week, we hang out late into the night. Sometimes i'm w/ him the ENTIRE day. We do all the things normal couples do. We have sex so obviously that's not the issue.....i understand why he wants us to move forward because we've been this way for a while. But There is nothing wrong w/ staying in this stage. In vietnamese culture you don't spend the night w/ bf's unless they're gonna marry you. And if i had my own place then i would but i don't and i don't want to disrespect the ppl who raised me, fed me, clothed me. Plus my dad used to be extremely abusive when i was younger and a lot of the reason why i'm uncomfortable letting my parents in on my life has to do with the past, which he doesn't understand and he thinks i'm making up excuses. Accordingly to my culture i'm already the worst person ever pretty much, i'm having sex with him, i'm pushing curfew limits constantly there are days when i'd come home at 5 in the morning cuz i didn't want to leave our relationship or him on a bad note, i'm not the good asian girl i'm supposed to be and he doesn't understand how much harder it is on me than it is on him. it' so frustrating especially when it came completely out of nowhere, he's been wanting me to but he's never blown up on me like that over some stupid ass shit. Even if i did spend the night it doesn't make any difference, we're usually asleep by 12:30 am anyway when we hang out and then i wake up and leave at 2, if i stayed well we'd still be SLEEPING....what difference does it make?

So his choice is to continue on like this until you get married? He's way too young for that. Are you planning to keep living with your parents forever or is there a chance you might move out and get some roommates someday?

I don't want to live w/ my parents but they are my financial support, i work for them for god sake it's not like i can get up and leave. i'd have nowhere to live, no job, no car, and no way of getting back on my feet. He wants us to start getting closer and spending more time together but the problem is that it always has to be on his time. it's bullshit. He has a way with words and it's always twisted around to be my fault...the same issues are always coming up and idk what to do. And beside this, i mean he's amazing but when we argue it's not good. We don't argue a lot but when we do things get BAD real quick.

Your BF is a douche and sounds like he just wants a good ragging. Why else would he ask you over at such a time? Out of curiosity, is he white?

No, we have sex every single time we see eachother...it's not that. And he is a great bf actually we just have a shitty time communicating with each other about frustrations and then they get blown out of proportion. And he is part white, part lebanese, part chamorro

[Mish]

It sounds like he is being unreasonable. He's expecting too much from a 19year old girl who works for her parents and who lives in a home with conservative family values. He's being a bit selfish demanding you to go his way without giving much consideration to a lot of important issues impacting you. In which case it might be good to take him up on his offer and separate.

[Bo]

It sounds like he is being unreasonable. He's expecting too much from a 19year old girl who works for her parents and who lives in a home with conservative family values. He's being a bit selfish demanding you to go his way without giving much consideration to a lot of important issues impacting you. In which case it might be good to take him up on his offer and separate.

That's EXACTLY what i'm trying to tell him but everytime i start to explain something he stops me and tells me it doesn't matter because our relationship is strictly between us two and not my parents. He texted me today after ignoring all my calls and messages and said that he's just going through a lot and he needs to feel like we're progressing. ?????? i'm confused by this because crack ass early in the morning he calls me after being out all night and demands that i stand up to my parents. wtf? idk, i don't wanna be with someone who's gonna walk away over some SILLY shit. That alone, makes me feel like everything we ever worked up to and our relationship is just cheap, that he can just walk away. i know he still wants to be with me but he's having a hard time understanding that i need security which is what i've been lacking from every male i've ever let into my life.

And it's not fair for me to dump my personal issues of the past on him, i'm not trying to but i need him to understand where i'm coming from.

[Mish]

He texted me today after ignoring all my calls and messages and said that he's just going through a lot and he needs to feel like we're progressing. ?????? i'm confused by this

It does sound a bit confusing and I'd advise you to ask him to clarify what he means by this. It sounds as though he is pressuring you to show a progression path between now and you fully living with him (something that you are unable to provide at the moment). If that's the case you will need to figure out for yourself how you want your future to progress with him. It could be that your idea of a future with him is very different to his idea of a future with you. I think a first step is to convince him that the extra pressure he's putting on you and the ultimatums don't help and if he continues with that then separation will be the only possible outcome.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with Mish. This kind of pressure on you is unnecessary. BFs at your age are for some fun and companionship. Not to be so serious so soon.

Sorry if I missed it, but are you planning to go to college? I think you are far better off focussing on school and developing a career than ramping up with a guy who sounds kind of controlling.

I'd tell him to lighten up or you'll walk. You look pretty, you won't lack for suitors.

[Raverboy808]

Haha hes ready to get into your pants and yet he didnt have the balls to meet your family at the rstaurant. Damn i should take his place as your bf. Ok. I feel that he should be more understandind. IF he took the time yo get to know your family then maybe hed have a better understanding. Try talking to him again and if hes unwilling to bend for you tbhen ask yourself if he is really worth it.

Raverboy

[Gigabitch]

Ditch him. He wants to control you more than your parents do.

[Illusional]

alright... now that i don't have to type of my freaking cell... i think that you should really take the time and talk to him about your relationship. your bf seems that he wants to pick up the pace because he is older... but it always seems that he wants to jump into your pants that much quicker. if you are have already had sex, then maybe he is looking to a more constantly flow of the pho juice. anyways, he should pressure you about anything that you or your family isn't comfortable with. that isn't respecting your wishes if he truly cares for you like he said that he does.

and f*ck all this he is stressing bullshit... because when it comes to it, it's just bullshit. or blue balls... take your pick.

raverboy

[Bo]

I agree with Mish. This kind of pressure on you is unnecessary. BFs at your age are for some fun and companionship. Not to be so serious so soon.

Sorry if I missed it, but are you planning to go to college? I think you are far better off focussing on school and developing a career than ramping up with a guy who sounds kind of controlling.

I'd tell him to lighten up or you'll walk. You look pretty, you won't lack for suitors.

Yes i've been attending college 2nd yr. we go to the same school

Haha hes ready to get into your pants and yet he didnt have the balls to meet your family at the rstaurant. Damn i should take his place as your bf. Ok. I feel that he should be more understandind. IF he took the time yo get to know your family then maybe hed have a better understanding. Try talking to him again and if hes unwilling to bend for you tbhen ask yourself if he is really worth it.

Raverboy

alright... now that i don't have to type of my freaking cell... i think that you should really take the time and talk to him about your relationship. your bf seems that he wants to pick up the pace because he is older... but it always seems that he wants to jump into your pants that much quicker. if you are have already had sex, then maybe he is looking to a more constantly flow of the pho juice. anyways, he should pressure you about anything that you or your family isn't comfortable with. that isn't respecting your wishes if he truly cares for you like he said that he does.

and f*ck all this he is stressing bullshit... because when it comes to it, it's just bullshit. or blue balls... take your pick.

raverboy

Well pretty much it's over. He said that i don't care about him and i make him feel like a terrible person so....it's done. I feel like shit, i understand what he's saying because i accuse him of things i know he's not doing a lot because of my insecurities. And he says we're better off as friends for now until i change. But i don't exactly have the motivation to change unless there's someone to change for, i don't want just anybody. i want him. So he said he needs space from me so my plan is to stop contact with him, completely unless he decides to talk to me. Easy enough, i still feel like shit...it feels like i lost not only one but two ppl and feeling like it was my fault. FUkcCCCCC