Is there hope for me?

[Deckard]

Hi! I'm a first time poster, so I probably rushed and am doing something wrong.... Anyhow, sincere apologies if that is the case.

My conundrum, and thanks in advance for tips, advice, etc.:

-If I did it correctly, I attached a photo of myself I feel comfortable attaching. That having been said, any honest opinion on the subject of my looks judging from said photo would be appreciated, because this is where I am choosing to begin. Is there any chance a girl might ever like me? I hate the way I look a lot, but I feel too principled to pander to the obvious likes of girls, yet that itself is a significant source of my problem. I guess I really should look into going the emo-scene guy route?


-I am extremely nerdy, pretty uncool...My tastes in everything are out of touch; I have nothing in common even with my own friends! So how can I expect to talk to and maintain a girl's interest?

-I have no smooth-talking, witty flirt ability like my manwhore friends.

[SirWagginston]

Learn by imitation. Hit the pubs and volunteer to be the wingman.

[Alvy]

Is there...anything that you do like about yourself then? List your interests/tastes. And relax, we're not going to judge you, we're a bunch of anonymous strangers.

[Deckard]

I like my health, that's one of the few things I have going for me.

I'm sure you've heard this one before; the teen that thinks he's so isolated because he likes things from 20+ years before his time....except in this case, it is entirely true. I'm thought of as a grump among my group age because I adamantly dislike to hate what they like.

My interests are classics this, classics that. My other tastes are what the other kids find boring or incredibly niche, like hockey for instance, here its a major social kill, as well as my strong like of talking about more important subjects than the latest pothead film.

[absolution]

How old are you if I may ask?

Looks-wise, I would say lose those glasses and either get a pair of nice sleek ones or contacts. Lose the sportswear and wear a nice collared shirt. Get a style going! Spike up your hair or something. Get tanned a little.

personality-wise - As much as you'd hate to hear this: Girls are naturally more attracted to guys who are witty, confident, assertive, and borderline cocky. Don't act like that boring 'nice guy'. Shake things up a bit and always keep her guessing. Chicks dig that thrill and excitement.

Good luck!

[xxazurexx]

^^I agree with the above and about the tips in regard to looks.

You are young and I don't go in for younger guys,...doesn't stop me from being able to judge lol. I can see an attractive looking guy behind those glasses, who could improve greatly upon his looks.
Ditch the glasses for contacts, get tanned and a spiky hairdo would defo suit you. Also, you look like you would benefit from going to the gym...build up those arms and that body, because you look a little on the thin side.

Come back in six months and show us the results

[Yasmina84]

The fact that you don't like the things everyone else likes is not weird, and doesn't make you a grump. It makes you unique. I actually think being yourself and not being a follower is a really attractive quality. I think you'll have no problem finding a nice gf. Just try to boost up your confidence. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I don't really agree with the 'learn by imitation' remark that's posted here, sorry. You should be yourself. Trust me, not all girls go for the slick guys or the Brad Pitt types. Actually I don't even think he's attractive at ALL! A lot of girls prefer someone who dares to be different. Why go for the typical dude who's around every corner, there's tons of them out there already. And it's getting boring.

I think it's all a confidence issue. You have to work on that. Cause we do like guys who have lots of that. Just approach the girls you like. If you get turned down, then wel swear a bit , and just remember that there's no need to be ashamed. I always think 'That sucked, but at least I tried' and move on. Let's face it, if you get turned down who will remember that next year or even next month? Everyone get's turned down every now and then. Eventually you'll hit the jackpot and find someone that likes you and vice versa. But you have to do the work, otherwise yes you'll be alone for a while. Get out of your comfort zone!

[vashti]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you look, and I agree this is a confidence issue, rather than a looks issue. Regarding the clothes: just learn to dress for the occasion. It's okay to wear sportswear if you are attending a sporting event or playing a game, or even just hanging out on a Saturday morning around the house, but if you are going out anywhere else, you might want to ditch the jerseys, tennis shoes, and basketball shorts in favor of something a bit more sophisticated. And PLEASE do not wear emo clothing. You look a bit too old to dress like a Junior High kid.

I like that you seem smart and can type a coherent sentence without using text-speak. There IS a market for smart guys.

[Deckard]

I'm going on 20 in a matter of days, btw.

Thanks for the advice, I do plan on taking it, such as the tan especially (I'm dreadfully pale).

My question now is; at what point does my efforts in altering my looks become pandering?

I mean, in general, the only way to win is to go out of my way to cater to common likes and hope for the best? I say this out of frustration; it really seems personality plays second fiddle to look, in spite of all the girls I know saying those cliches about liking guys for themselves. Obviously this must not be true if a guy true to himself has to undergo a drastic transformation.

[absolution]

You're close to my age. You may have better luck with girls slightly older than you as they're more likely to have their shit together.

The advice above is not a "drastic transformation" per se. It is something that easily integrates into yourself and is more of a "gateway" for girls wanting to get to know you. It's what will help get your foot in the door. Think of it like dressing for an interview.

Going for the emo/scene look...now that would be a drastic transformation. It's not you and would generally only attract immature girls that are much younger than you.

[Deckard]

It's wishful thinking, but I'd be happy if a girl liked and/or respected my image, which is one I have for a reason; the spiky hair thing is a way to possibly look cooler...but I've always liked having a clean-shaven, short hair appearance. The whole not having things in common with my age group is a major barrier, so I suppose I should quit liking what I happen to and just take up or feign liking even just a few of those things everyone else does?

It seems as though doing these things is getting away from what I am. Of course, beggars can't be choosers so I will temporarily use the advice and see what results it yields, but this whole "dating-relationship" concept seems fundamentally ridiculous..It's as though girls' minds when it comes to this are like machines, programmed to accept only certain behavior and responses. It's almost as though feeling can't be sincere, because it all follows etiquette and rules.

Yeah, I have often thought of older girls, because like you put it, "they have their shit together." A whole slew of new problems arises with older girls; I imagine their expectations are ridiculously high, as at this point, they're looking more seriously for serious relationships, i.e marriage somewhere down the road. So with that comes my immediate prospects, as in, I'd probably be viewed as a dismal failure because at this age I don't drive, look years younger than my age, don't have rich parents, not even yet started on my way to a high paying profession....

[strict machine]

There's really nothing wrong with the way you look. You actually have a nice bone structure and everything. Judging from that picture, you could look quite handsome if you changed your style a bit... or rather, created a style for yourself. Please don't go for the emo look. I don't think it would lend to your personality anyway.

I agree that you should either get a new pair of glasses or contact lenses. Prada and Burberry make some nice mens frames.

Appearances are extremely important and it's really not that hard to dress nice. I've helped many of my clueless guy friends over the years update their wardrobe. It will really make you more confident and comfortable with yourself. I'm not too familiar with men's fashion blogs but Giant Detail is one that I like. I'm sure a quick google search will bring up some good sites.

There's nothing wrong with being nerdy or having different taste. But you really should at least know something about what most people are into, because being too different can leave you feeling alienated and lonely. That's no good I also have to agree that confidence is an issue. But I think that once you take care of the things I mentioned, you'll start to be more confident in yourself.

[Deckard]

What's the standards for a guy to look nice? The reason being, yes, it would be nice to have a nicer dress style, but I don't want to give off the impression that I am so overly concerned with that; looking gay would probably not help. I don't really want to look like a little pretty boy, either, and I generally wear darker colors. Not to mention the money. Also of concern is the thought that I might overdo by trying too hard, and losing track of my own identity in the process.

I'm extremely worried that I shouldn't wear what I feel comfortable wearing (namely the aforementioned sportswear); this appears to suggest what I like is inherently wrong/unappealing.

[strict machine]

Well you certainly shouldn't wear anything that makes you uncomfortable And nothing is wrong with wearing darker colors if that's what you prefer. You could take small steps with the clothes until you feel you've established a style for yourself. I suggested the clothes thing because it's a big confidence booster and honestly, I pay very close attention to what guys wear, and most women do too. In particular, a guy should have nice jeans/pants and shoes so I'd say you should start there. Unfortunately I can't share any links with you because I'm so new to this board hahaha. But anyway, I would recommend a pair of basic boot cut jeans in a medium or darker wash. For shoes, I like vans classic lace-up and top-siders but that may not be your thing. Is there anything in particular that you like? Do you have any close female friends that have a good sense of style that could help you out?

[Deckard]

Well, this will sound funny...but I haven't worn pants casually in years. Something about pants making everything seem so melodramatic and suffocating. Do women find this weird/unattractive? I've noticed, at least around here, that guys who wear shorts very frequently as I do are single, whereas every guy I know who's had a variety of girls over the years either wear pants solely or a great majority of the time.