Why do women have problems with "metrosexual" men?

[skywatcher79]

I have noticed that in many personal ads or dating sites in U.S. women express their dislike about "metrosexual men", which they usually identify simply as "gay". While it is understandable that most women search for a certain form of masculinity, I still find surprising the ease with which someone (for instance a public person) is tagged "gay". Those who are familiar with the term will also use the word "metrosexual", but usually interchangeably with "gay", and with exactly the same meaning. This happens to pretty much any man who takes care of his appearance. I must admit that it happened to me uncountably many times, for instance just for wearing a nice shirt and designer jeans. Just to note, I am quite clear about my straight sexual preference, and I wouldn't say I am metrosexual either, but I like to make fun of that. (Check the definition on Wikipedia, in you are not sure about the word's original meaning.)

For the comparison, in Europe (where I spent most of my life, and I'm 30 now) fashionable men are doing quite well. :-) Most girls EXPECT from a guy that he is well-groomed, smells nice, has some taste for clothing, has some style in everyday things, etc. In particular, none of the girls I met would ever consider me gay for those things. Even the metrosexual tag (though very rare) has a slightly positive connotation there. On the other hand, in the U.S. most men who don't go out in a t-shirt and flip-flops, or possibly wear some jewelry, or simply show a bit of taste, are tagged "gay" or (if they're lucky and talk to an educated person) "metrosexual". I find it bizarre that some time ago (in a far far away country) I was mocked of being too casual, while in the U.S. I am considered "metrosexual".

Here comes my question directed to girls. Why is that so?? Why do you worry about dating a guy who takes care about his appearance a little bit more than you're used to, i.e. a bit more than the other men you see around. Wouldn't it be nice if your guy had a bit more style to catch up with you, and show some sensibility in the questions of fashion, or even enjoyed shopping with you, without being obsessed with those things? You would make better pics on Facebook and all your girlfriends would envy you. LOL

I have found a possible explanation reading the articles by Mark Simpson, who IS openly both metrosexual and gay, and who coined the term. It is possible that girls who are dissatisfied with their appearance, or simply insecure about it (and such are 90% of women at least , feel JEALOUS if the guy next to them gets more attention then they do. In that case "he" goes too far into "her" business, as it is expected from a woman to appear desirable and to be looked at, while guys are there just to compliment "her" looks. If other people are always noticing "him" first, she will
soon become very frustrated, even if "he" really gives her a lot of attention, and does his best making her feel special and beautiful.
There might also be another simple explanation: that people in the U.S. (on the average) have weaker sense of style/taste, but I didn't want to be mean.

I wonder what you think about this "jealousy hypothesis", so please comment. It would also be helpful to me personally, although I know I can always put on some granny pants and match them "perfectly" with blue-and-yellow college hoodie, not to stand out. I can also provide my pics, if you feel competent enough in the matters of style. LOL
For this reason I was recently only able to date high-maintenance chicks, who spend A LOT of time and money on their "perfect" appearance, and these are usually just selfish bitches. On the other hand, "nice" women don't understand that it takes 30 min for a guy to take a shower, shave, and put on some decent clothes. There isn't much vanity in it!

I am eager for your comments. Thx!

[Cosmo]

First of all, I'm a guy but this is a no brainer.

Well-groomed does not = metrosexual.

Douchebag = metrosexual.

Ed Hardy shirts, ripped faded jeans, white sunglasses and spiked hair with highlights is not in style. Only douchebags think that it is.
The 'in' style right now is a nice pair of Levi's, a nice sweater or T-shirt and groomed hair. It shouldn't look like wheat growing out of your head but almost like bed hair. It should look natural though be contained by product.

No one likes metro's because they try too hard. Not attractive on a man. Male fashion is about appearing like you don't care.

Let me demonstrate:
Metro

Metro/douche

Metro


Well-groomed





Do you want to know the secret? I get manicures, I wax my nose, I wax my eyebrows, I get facials, and I spend up to an hour getting ready. But it doesn't LOOK like I do. It looks like I slapped on a pair of jeans and a shirt and headed out the door. THAT'S the in style. It looks like I don't care, but I do. Do you really think the majority of guys don't care about their appearance? Of course they do! Men are insecure to begin with, they need to feel good about their appearance. Women like the illusion that you are perfection out of the box, men are great at convincing everyone around them that they really are.

[lahnnabell]

Here in the US there is a very defined line on what is masculine and what is not. Cowboys and car guys who wear dirty Levi's are viewed as the ultimate manly men. And yeah, that can be very hot. However, I think it's incredibly sexy when my guy can get dressed up (on his own mind you) and pull himself together. Hot hot hot.

I think this imbalance stems from women (or people) who don't know what they want. Stereotypically, there tends to be a correlation between how masculine a guy looks and acts and how much of an asshole he is. Typically, we label the bad boys as those guys that ignore all the women around them, and yet chicks are drawn to them like moths to a flame. Women love that bad boy look and mentality, but in reality those men have no social or relationship skills. You see plenty of ladies on here wondering how to grab the attention of guys like this. And you see tons of guys posting about how to be less of a "nice guy" and more of an "asshole" 'cause the "assholes get all the chicks".

It's not about being one way or the other, but it's about finding a healthy balance. Be assertive and stand up for yourself when the situation calls for it. Don't be a jerk. Be in control of your emotions and your responses to other people's emotions. That is sexy to me. Be aware of yourself and how you interact with the world. People who feel confident, truly confident, don't need people to tell them how good they look, and don't need to justify the way they dress or act to others. Also sexy. People who truly feel good about themselves exude a positive energy naturally. How you decide to dress and act is your choice.

If someone wants to perceive you as gay or metro and chooses to openly label you as such, they're probably not very open-minded. Personally, I avoid those people. However, it also has to do with the energy you put out into the world. Do you feel good about how you dress, and how you present yourself? 'Cause if you do, nothing anyone will say will truly get to you. Don't let some narrow opinions get you down about how you see yourself. If a girl decides to label you in such a way, then you're right, she's probably insecure and needs to justify to herself why you look the way you do. In reality, she should just accept that your interest in her is honest, and worry less about how you choose to dress.

[lahnnabell]

Ryan Reynolds. I'm gonna have his babies.

[dewilliams2]

I basically agree with everything lahnnabell said...minus the part about having Ryan Reynolds babies...I'm a guy....just not feelin it.

I think generally there is something of a cultural difference in terms of what constitutes a man and how he should behave.

I generally rock some jeans and a t-shirt but I do clean up quite nice as well. I just don't wear my suit down to the bar....I would really stick out and not in a good way....I'm guessin I'd get a lot of James Bond jokes.

Truly though I think I can be well groomed/kept and not walk around wearing clothes that are designer cause I'll tell ya all you've basically done is spend to much money on them....you can look just as nice in some standard wranglers or levi's and a simple t-shirt. Right now I'm wearing a pair of jeans and a Pink Floyd t-shirt and I'm going to a concert....anything more would be overdressed.

[lahnnabell]

The sexiest thing my boyfriend could wear is a pair of well-fitting jeans, flip-flops, and a fitted black GAP t-shirt. I literally melt at the sight of him. It's a chill, laid back outfit, but it fits him well so he looks cleaned up without having tried too hard. Add some Acqua di Gio in there. I'm DONE.

[Cosmo]

Ryan Reynolds. I'm gonna have his babies.

Lol I met him at the gym a few times. He was filming a movie here and worked out at my gym while on location. (Along with his co-star Amy Smart)

I spotted for him once. Guy benches 300lbs. He is far, far more jacked than he appears in the movies! I didn't think he was anything special appearance wise though in person, above average but that's about it. I mean, not to sound gay but I gauge other peoples appearances all of the time.

He is absolutely the typical guy you'd meet at the bar though, if you catch my drift.

He's about 6'3 and 190-205lbs. Definitely a strong guy but also definitely used roids for his role in blade. You don't gain 30lbs of muscle in 3 months without roids. It's literally a physical impossibility.

By the way, what does he wear? Basic jeans and a plain t-shirt and a baseball cap.

Sorry for the aside. It seemed appropriate some how. I mean, he was voted one of the sexiest men on earth and he's really not all that different from any other guy you'll meet. (boost of male self-confidence the world over)


... Amy Smart on the other hand. WOW what a surprise! She was far more attractive than I expected. Hilarious too.

[lahnnabell]

Well, he snagged Scarlett Johansson and she's a sexy, intelligent woman. He's doing something right.

Keep in mind that he's an actor, and you never get a glimpse at anyone's complete personality by simply spotting them at the gym. I'm sure the mentality of actually being at the gym and subjecting yourself to the potential judgment of others keeps people pretty guarded anyway.

[qwertz]

George clooney looks HOT in that pic!

[lahnnabell]

Pretty sure it's an Ocean's 11 picture. He and Brad Pitt were great. Very sexy.

[Gribble]

I've seen women who ignore caring, polite men in order to sleep with a guy who insults them in public and laughs about them behind their backs. There's no balance. You treat women like absolute shit and they'll drop their panties for you. If you know how to treat them like shit while dangling a carrot under their noses, feigning sensitivity beneath a rough exterior, you can have whatever you want. Sure, there are some sensible women out there, but for the most part you get a ****nut of a lot more with vinegar than you do with honey.

Cocky, insulting douche-baggery trumps sincerity time and time again.

[IndiReloaded]

The metro/douche guy is wearing a bracelet. That was a total giveaway.

[xxazurexx]

The metrodouche is the kinda man I'd avoid like the plague. Big headed, arrogant and thinks he's god gift to women...he looks a right prick!

The Metro underneath, looks too girly....not my type at all and his outfit sucks.

I prefer the 'well groomed' guy.

[lahnnabell]

I've seen women who ignore caring, polite men in order to sleep with a guy who insults them in public and laughs about them behind their backs. There's no balance. You treat women like absolute shit and they'll drop their panties for you. If you know how to treat them like shit while dangling a carrot under their noses, feigning sensitivity beneath a rough exterior, you can have whatever you want. Sure, there are some sensible women out there, but for the most part you get a ****nut of a lot more with vinegar than you do with honey.

Cocky, insulting douche-baggery trumps sincerity time and time again.

Douche-bags aren't actually confident men. If a guy has to resort to being an asshole to give himself a pick me up, or to get the attention he so badly desires, then he's a fool. I take personal pride in shooting them down.

[Gribble]

Douche-bags aren't actually confident men. If a guy has to resort to being an asshole to give himself a pick me up, or to get the attention he so badly desires, then he's a fool. I take personal pride in shooting them down.

I've known enough reformed nice guys to know that isn't the case at all. Believe it or not, there are guys who entered this world with tender hearts and a desire to sincerely love and respect the women in their lives. After being shat on by women in favor of ignorant dickheads with 100 word vocabularies, well, they jumped ship. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I'm sorry, but I'm a lot more likely to get laid telling crude jokes and objectifying women than I am by treating them as fellow human beings and expressing sincere interest. There are exceptions to every rule, sure, but what I said still stands. More likely to get laid by being a dick than I am by being a good person.