so I really like this guy... but I'm also really nervous

[katielacey]

So there's this guy who is SO nice.

But I've only spoken to him three times because I get scared and nervous.

I don't know what to do about it - but I also don't want to lose the chance with him because he is such a good guy.

I'm so scared of rejection though that I don't want to make it obvious I like him either...

I get nervous whenever he's around and clam up... except for when I get to talk to him properly... I guess what I'm saying is I can't make the first move because I'm nervous.


The only guys I ever attract I am TOTALLY not interested in... I think it's because I'm at ease when they're around.

But anyway... when I've chatted to this guy we've got on really well and for a while I thought he kept looking over and was interested too...

Please help

[sunnybunny8212]

act casual
and maybe ask him out to something ssimple whenever you two hit it off in convo...?

something social not too private, like a party or a bar, somewhere with ppeoples if he shows up, its all you with no pressure.

if you cant do that,just take it easy;he may be interested so keep him interested ;]

[katielacey]

Thank you

So is it ok to ask a guy out like that? Will he be uninterested because he's not "chasing"?

Also, if he says no (not to be pessimistic or anything ha!)... how would you continue the convo... so that I keep some dignity?

[sunnybunny8212]

i think it should be no problem at all to ask him to something casual.
too soon for a one on one date you know?

nah, i don't think he will be uninterested.... i mean if you see him aaround and stuff,
asking him to something small shouldn't be an issue.
just because he's not chasing you, doesn't mean he's not interested. for all you know, he can be tthinking the same as you right now.

IF he decides to say no [which i doubt] to keep your dignity, probably don't show so much emotion...? don't show
him you had your hopes up so to speak... i also think if you were to ask him out somewhere with you,
you should ask him before you leave
for the night or when you part for the day, so it wont be akward between you both you know?
like a... last word so to speak.

i hope that makes sense or helps
<3

[xxazurexx]

I'm what is percieved as 'old school' and I believe in allowing a man, to be a man. In that if he's interested, allow him to do the chasing and he will, if he is genuinely interested. That is what I have always found in my experience anyway - I never had to pursue a guy who was interested.

Meantime, you make him aware of your interest and so that he knows you are interested, which will make it far easier for him to approach you.
Talk to him, smile, act flirty and playful (my fave), subtley touch him. God this stuff should be 'second nature' to women.

Half the time I didn't even have to drop subtle hints.....the guy just heavily pursued regardless and was more interested in making his interest known.

Of course, some guys are not as aggressive and need a little assurance you may be interested and before they approach.

[sunnybunny8212]

actually katie, she has a great point lol

let him do the wwork just "SHOW" him you like him.
that sounds a lot better and easier on your part.

let him do the stuttering <3

[SirWagginston]

Unless he doesn't like stuttering in front of girls. Then your method will result in them not getting together.

[xxazurexx]

^^Exactly. He won't have to stutter and if she sends the message across and perfectly clear, that she is interested.

You know it's odd and because I just have never have been in this situation of having to play 'guessing games' over whether a guy liked me or not.
I put that down to either 1. He was just a real aggressive guy...or 2. I was giving STRONG and CLEAR signs I was interested.

There was never any doubting on either side...or these weeks of wondering, 'Does he like me as more'?

[katielacey]

Great, thanks so much all of you. That's really helpful
I will do my best.

What would you suggest then SirWagginston?

[SirWagginston]

The nice guy is a rare-but-simple creature. They must always be approached with caution. On the one hand, an explicit display of interest (such as asking him out) may unsettle him. On the other hand, his niceness means he also fears unsettling you, and he is therefore unlikely to ask you out, either. He may assume that approaching you directly will make him seem like a creep, or a weirdo. The best way to form a relationship with such a specimen is naturally, by making friends, first.

Scope the specimen to determine his usual range of habitation. Don't follow him home, or anything, but do be aware some of his migration patterns, especially the ones coinciding with yours. Slow down or stop to say "hello" when you see him, and smile when you do i, to signal that you are not a threat. Nice guys are similar to normal humans in that they often mimic others' behavior, and if you do this enough, he will start to do it back to you. Once your specimen is sufficiently tamed, you can take further steps. Walk alongside him if you are going in the same direction, and make light conversation. "How are you doing?" is often the best line of dialogue. Finally, whenever you find him standing or sitting unoccupied--especially if he looks bored, making him most susceptible--endeavor to stop completely, and strike up conversation for (what will appear to him to be) simple and fun socialization. "What are you up to?" is often the best choice, here.

By this time you have entered the specimen's comfort zone. To fully domesticate him, you must make it so that the two of you hang out with each other by known choice, and not only via random encounters. You can do this by paying close attention to what he says when you ask him about his day, or what he's doing: this sometimes leads the nice guy to reveal extra information, such as what he will be doing later, and what he usually enjoys. Tell him that what he's doing later sounds fun, or that his hobby sounds interesting to you, as well. He may do the same to you when you reveal your own interests, now that he's convinced you like talking to him. This will provide both of you with opportunities to invite the other to do something else. He will not be frightened if you extend such an invitation first; unless he has a girlfriend, is sincerely busy at the declared time, or you are absolutely hideous, the typical nice guy will agree.

The specimen is now caught in your trap, but he can still escape. On your date (which you should definitely not call it by, when you invite him, if you invite him first), keep things casual, at first. As you spend time with and learn more about it, you will notice a change in his demeanor. Unlike normal guys, nice guys develop feelings for potential mates based upon how often you hang out together, and the degree to which you make him feel understood. If the sort-of-but-don't-call-it-that date went well, he will want to see you again, and you can repeat this process.

Eventually, the specimen will reach a point where he feels able to confide things in you without judgment. That means you are almost there. Be sure to make unnecessary physical contact during conversation, as this lets him know you share personal space with each other. If you are a potential mate, he will thence disregard yours, as well. This allows higher and higher levels of closeness to develop until the feelings of both parties are understood without question. Without either one of you having to ask it of the other, you will become boyfriend and girlfriend by this natural process, and declare your relationship after the fact.

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a nice guy. Nice guys can be high-maintenance, so you must be prepared to pay a lot of attention to him. Always remember that the defining feature of this exotic species is their tendency to share the same traits as you, insofar as fear of rejection, overanalysis and the tendency to get their feelings hurt. In fact, he may be looking for a guide similar to this one as we speak.

[katielacey]

Haha that was hilarious/awesome! Thank you

[Alvy]

If only things were that straightforward and simple in reality...

[Kaius]

It doesn't have to be complicated. If he is as nice as you think he is, he will be happy to be approached by you.
If he feels there's a possibility, you're home free. If he doesn't feel it at first, he won't reject you.... he'll probably want to know you better.
Either way, there is no loss... You are better off to just be straightforward and ask him. Guys like to be asked, ya know?

[katielacey]

Ok so he came online on Facebook chat yesterday evening. We'd been messaging on FB a couple of times and I hadn't responded to his message yet and was debating whether I should. I waited for him to chat on the Fb chat but he didn't. And in a moment of madness I sent him a Fb chat message.... I regreted it straight away. Here's the convo - let me know your thoughts please...

Me: Hi Dan, thanks for your message.

6:43pm Dan: Hey Katie thank you too.

6:43pm Me: Sounds like your placement is busy but worthwhile

6:44pm Dan: Yeah definately ;-)

6:45pm Me:

6:45pm Dan: Sorry I got to go cos I'm on my friend's laptop and they need it. I'm just using my blackberry at the minute to check Facebook. Speak to you soon ;-). Have a nice time in this weather.

6:46pm Me

Take care, see ya!

6:46pm Dan: I will speak to you properly soon.

6:46pm Me

Ok see u soon

6:55pm Dan is offline.

[SirWagginston]

I'm having a hard time seeing what there is to regret about that.