hate my ex-boyfriend...oh so much

[nicegirl]

sooo...

i have this problem where I hate my ex. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for six months and I lost my virginity to him. We broke up kind of mutually, I intiated it. He was very jealous and controlling and I lost a lot of guy friends as a result of him. For some reason I really did love him, and even though he didnt treat me that well. Right now it's been a year since we've broken up and I have a lot of anger and resentment towards him. Once we broke up we still hooked up for a while and he lied and manipulated me a lot and was kinda a scumbag. What I want now is to stop hating him so much, I think about how much I hate him every day. And now, hes sorta with someone new and I am jealous and angry and hateful and argghghghgh i dont kno what to do. i just want to not let him bother me anymore and I dont know how. please help please!

[thelonely1]

I see you have a lot of anger and frustration.
People can change, sometimes they change a lot after a heartbreak.
There is no easy way to just stop hating him, but I would suggest you to stay away from him and not look him up.

I know this is hard to do, and I am in a similiar situation myself right now where I should be doing the same.
I hope your feelings will fade a bit, try to find something else that keeps you occupied.

take care out there nicegirl,

[LailaK]

It sounds like he's still in your life. Why?

If I were you I'd concentrate less on trying not to hate him and more on finding a new hobby (ie new men). Hatred is a good thing. It's really helpful when you need to initiate no contact and put distance between yourself and your ex.

[VincenzoG91]

Hatred is a starting point, but it's still caring about him too much, even if in a negative way. Replace him in your thoughts. Ideally with someone new, but even a new hobby or a good book might help in the short-term. Get busy doing other stuff and he will recede from your thoughts.

[Gigabitch]

You just have to let him go. Hate is just one more way of holding on to him, and you shouldn't be doing that. Recognize it for the sad, clinging thing it actually is and maybe you'll shame yourself into letting him go.

[cmacattack1]

It's also helpful to maybe accept that you were equally responsible for the things that happened to you. It's so easy to point the finger and say how awful, manipulative and a jerk he was. At the same time though, he didn't exactly put a gun to your head did he? You knew it was wrong to continue to see him after you initiated the break up, you just felt too attached and couldn't let go. It's a learning experience and I think you certainly know better for the future. You cannot change what has happened but you should be a stronger and wiser person for experiencing it first hand. Other girls are sadly going to find out the hard way like you did but that's not your problem.

Knowing that he is with somebody else obviously indicates you are keeping tabs on him. Stop doing that. Remove him from facebook and if you guys, god forbid, still talk, don't. You need this time on your own to get yourself back on track here. And it won't if constant reminders of him are still in your face every day.

[nicegirl]

thanks u guys. hes not in my life anymore, but we went to the same school and now we dont b/c i left, but part og why i left was that he was contributing me being a total depressed mess. and i kno in future relationships
and in life im gonna hve to deal with running into and seeing exes a lot and i kno i cant jsut run away

[RuntimeError]

You have to let go, the fact that you hate him so much shows that you are not over him. Hate is not a good thing it actually increases the acidity in the body and put extra stress on the body ... which leads to a shorter life. I can tell you it is not him, when you find someone new you won't care what the heck he is doing you will be so happy with your life. Pray, heck even pray for him. Meditate you have to be ok with him being with other girls I know it is hard but this is a must once you get to this point ... you are free. Remember he has no control over you, you decided what you want to think about and how you want to feel. He makes you do nothing! His loss ... you will be happy again my friend ... I know the loseing virginity can suck however .... you have to move on you can't live in the past. Good Luck My friend and take care!

[Cbrider]

Time, time, time, that's what will untie the hate.

Been there, done that - it really only serves to consume your own attention and in the end has no affect on the other party.

You will get there, and when you do you will realize how much time and energy you unknowingly wasted harboring the hate. Funny thing is that forgetting and letting go will bother the other person more than anything else you could possibly do.

[lahnnabell]

Honestly, if you do some reflection, you'll find out that it's really you you're mad at. You're mad that you let him manipulate you for so long. I mean, you broke up and then hooked up, which is a clear indicator this guy's a bit of a scumbag. You had plenty of opportunities to break away from a situation that you were clearly unhappy with. However, don't beat yourself up. You learned from this situation. Now you know a little bit more about what you want from a relationship, and that's another step toward finding someone that is right for you.

Understand that a guy like that (one who breaks up with his girlfriend but is perfectly content to still hook up with her) wasn't all that emotionally invested in the relationship in the first place. And jealous and controlling people are insecure and not emotionally healthy enough to share the responsibility of a relationship.