I love my boyfriend but...

[TattooedLAdy]

My man and i have been together for 4 years. My longest time ever in a relationship. He is wonderful in all aspects.
But i have this ex, who is ALWAYS in the back of my mind. Realistically it would and did never work between my ex and i and i know that when i think rationally about it. BUT...i can't stop thinking/fantasizing about him. I feel it's probably just intense physical attraction and i have a strong urge to act on it. Does this mean i'm really not IN love with my boyfriend? I feel so horrible and guilty for having these feelings. But they just keep coming back. And my ex and i haven't dated for 8 years. But he will hit me up via text every once and a while or i'll see him around town and all the feelings just keep flooding back. I do not want to date him again but i feel soooo drawn to him. what is wrong with me??????

[sunnysideup]

Love isn't always some hot steamy interaction, love is also a foundation. Everyone falls out of that passionate state. I don't know how old you are but you probably aren't getting any younger, why screw something up over hormones, get a vibrator and some play girl magazines until it get out of your system. Plus 4 years in a relation ship you should start bugging him for a ring on that finger

[xxazurexx]

why screw something up over hormones, get a vibrator and some play girl magazines until it get out of your system.

I've seen this advice given before...it's supposed to work too, lol

[Kaius]

When I was married, at the height of my love for my ex-wife, I was fantasizing about a girl I dated in college. She and I dated 5 months, and the sex was INCREDIBLE. My ex-wife and I were sexually incompatible, so I never had good sex with her....even though I loved her immensely. This ex-girlfriend had the most amazing DD breasts, but I didn't really like her much. So I end up fantasizing about big-breasted ex-GF while married. I don't think it's wrong.

[Cosmo]

That sounds exactly like what ended me and my fiance's relationship. Except she acted on those feelings and now we'll never be together, whether that's what she wants or not.

You are probably still young if you don't already know the answer to this. (My ex is fairly younger than me, my explanation for her illogical actions)
You will ALWAYS have feelings for your ex. Such is life. The question is, do I want to be with who I'm with now? It's an easy question. If yes, then stay with them and act how you would want to be treated by your spouse (IE: tell your ex to leave you alone, ignore him). If no, then break up.

[sunnybunny8212]

i think that you're infactuated.
thats all.
theres something about your ex that makes you want him or think about him..
you're a woman, its natural to have that urge,and the thought..
even though it could be frustrating and hard to deal with because
hes you're EX. Simple. But it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you :]

i also strongly agree with Cosmo as well <3

[bloodtippedrose]

Did you have proper closure with your ex when you guys split?

When I started dating my current bf he kept having dreams about his ex. They had split up before but would come back to each other so he thought that even though they split she might try to come back to him. He called and left a message on her phone (a few months after splitting) and said there is no way they would get back together its over etc. and the dreams stopped.

or maybe youre turned on by what you cant have..

[cmacattack1]

You can't help how you feel and what has happened has already happened. Why did you break up in the first place? Was he not treating you right or were you not happy? The point is with him, it's a proven failure. You guys broke up because it wasn't working, and that is the fact that remains no matter how much time has changed or passed. He may have changed and grown a bit since, but you don't know that for sure. And since you can't be with both at the same time, you have a proven guy that is good to you and does treat you right. Or you give that up to be with somebody who was a failure, regardless of how high of a pedestal you put your ex on. The choice should be simple.

Do you not appreciate what you boyfriend offers? Maybe you should focus on doing something special with your guy or spoil him a bit for treating you so good. Focus less on the ex and more on what you have. It can be as simple as thinking of something to do for your boyfriend when your thoughts trail towards your ex. You have to make an effort. And if you think you are going to stray, you should cut off any and all contact for your own benefit.

[TattooedLAdy]

This makes a lot of sense. After hearing from him today, i did totally go home and "have some fun" with myself hahaha. Yes , 4 years and i'm 30 he's 32. He doesn't believe in marriage he says. And i don't know if i do either but it's like we are married b/c we live together and have a lot of together. But yea i do feel like , why doesn't he want to marry me? But then, with these feelings for my ex i'm like maybe i don't wanna marry him?!?
In the past when a relationship fell out of the passionate state i would just break up. But this guy is just too good. I just needed to hear that it was normal how i am feeling. Thank YOU!!

[TattooedLAdy]

When I was married, at the height of my love for my ex-wife, I was fantasizing about a girl I dated in college. She and I dated 5 months, and the sex was INCREDIBLE. My ex-wife and I were sexually incompatible, so I never had good sex with her....even though I loved her immensely. This ex-girlfriend had the most amazing DD breasts, but I didn't really like her much. So I end up fantasizing about big-breasted ex-GF while married. I don't think it's wrong.

OH i do the fantasizing thing ALLLL the time. about many different people haha

[TattooedLAdy]

Did you have proper closure with your ex when you guys split?

When I started dating my current bf he kept having dreams about his ex. They had split up before but would come back to each other so he thought that even though they split she might try to come back to him. He called and left a message on her phone (a few months after splitting) and said there is no way they would get back together its over etc. and the dreams stopped.

or maybe youre turned on by what you cant have..

I have dreams about my ex like once a week. A few months ago i saw him and told him i was in love with him and i almost ended my relationship but i'm glad i didn't Now HE says he wants to talk to me about it and i think he's going to say he's feeling the same way. but i've been ignoring him. But i really wanna know what he has to say.

[TattooedLAdy]

That sounds exactly like what ended me and my fiance's relationship. Except she acted on those feelings and now we'll never be together, whether that's what she wants or not.

You are probably still young if you don't already know the answer to this. (My ex is fairly younger than me, my explanation for her illogical actions)
You will ALWAYS have feelings for your ex. Such is life. The question is, do I want to be with who I'm with now? It's an easy question. If yes, then stay with them and act how you would want to be treated by your spouse (IE: tell your ex to leave you alone, ignore him). If no, then break up.

I do want to be with who i am now, but i'm thinking maybe i really don't because i'm having feelings for my ex and people who are in love don't have feelings for other people ???

[TattooedLAdy]

You can't help how you feel and what has happened has already happened. Why did you break up in the first place? Was he not treating you right or were you not happy? The point is with him, it's a proven failure. You guys broke up because it wasn't working, and that is the fact that remains no matter how much time has changed or passed. He may have changed and grown a bit since, but you don't know that for sure. And since you can't be with both at the same time, you have a proven guy that is good to you and does treat you right. Or you give that up to be with somebody who was a failure, regardless of how high of a pedestal you put your ex on. The choice should be simple.

Do you not appreciate what you boyfriend offers? Maybe you should focus on doing something special with your guy or spoil him a bit for treating you so good. Focus less on the ex and more on what you have. It can be as simple as thinking of something to do for your boyfriend when your thoughts trail towards your ex. You have to make an effort. And if you think you are going to stray, you should cut off any and all contact for your own benefit.

No we broke up for a very good reason, he has not changed since Like i said i rationally know we can not be together. I just see him and i just wanna fall to my knees and tell him i love him and marry him.
But that is good advice, i will try to focus on my bf. He does deserve it. He gives me everything.

[VincenzoG91]

Sometimes I fantasize about throwing Molotov cocktails at bad drivers. Fortunately, I have sufficient willpower to not act on my fantasies.

[bloodtippedrose]

^ I understand 100%