I Picked a Great First Girl.... (Long Post)

[bobber205]

Warning: very long post ahead.

I am a pretty particular person when it comes to women. But I think for the first time I've actually fallen in "love". It's not a word I use lightly but I guess here goes.
A few basics:
Me: I am a tad overweight (10 pounds) 22 year old man with only 3 weeks till I have a BS in software engineering. I am not unpopular by any stretch of the imagination but I also don't have dozens and dozens of friends. I prefer to have a handful of close friends instead of many shallow friendships. I have a sort of a round face but I am not ugly. People tell me on a regular basis that I am pretty funny, though I don't intentionally try to be. I like to use humor to make a situation happier or to relieve stress. I am extremely good at remembering jokes and coming up with my own humorous observations.
Her: A 26 year old girl from Vietnam. Moved her in 2005 to attend school. Is about 5" tall. And without a doubt the most beautiful woman I've have ever meet or seen. If I try to look at her objectively, she's not "that" attractive. I saw her many times and thought she was "cute" but as soon as she first talked to me and every moment since, I have not known a more beautiful person. Her smile means the world to me. More details on her to come.
So last December, I was working on a computer doing some IT stuff as a student employee in my school's library. She stood near me and we talked about a wide variety of topics for at least 45 minutes. That's when I fell for her. I have yet to have a girlfriend and with my 18 year old brother getting a date for the first time, I thought it was high time I ****ing grew some nuts and did something. The next Monday I asked a couple of her bosses if they could somehow find out if she was seeing anyone or not. I had to wait a month to find out because of Christmas break. And I found out that she was not seeing anyone.
I was so pumped.
After a week getting up the courage, I started talking with her. He work in the same building so it was easy to find a time. We got along very well and I thought things were going good. I asked her if she wanted to get coffee sometime or something and she invited me a party (a "board" game party lol).
I arrived a 9'clock like she told me to. She didn't show up. I thought I would at least wait a couple hours in case she was late and she finally showed up at 10:15. She didn't talk to me, didn't really pay any attention to me while the party was going on and proceeded to not talk to me at all. I felt really crappy but still had hope.
For some general info, during the first couple months, we talked online for at least and hour or two a day, so there was that.
The next week I was a meeting I went to with her about a guy from Africa. We were eating the culture's food afterwards and things, while a tad awkward, were going well. However she moved to a table (while at the same time inviting me over) that another guy was sitting at. In the middle of the table was a card talking about a "International Dinner" a couple days away. it said to bring a guest. She nervously, in her sometimes poor English, talked to this other guy, trying to invite him. He asked "who are you going to bring" and she said "uhmm... I guess you" and smiled her amazing smile. This mother ****er gave her such an ugly look and looked down at the card saying "uhhhh. no..." and walked away like she was some piece of shit. I still get mad thinking about this!
I went to my lab and hurried a back and caught her as she was getting off work. I told her I would be happy to be her guest and she accepted.
At the dinner we talked a whole lot. I asked her many questions about her home country and etc. She answered every question with a long response and we looked in each other's eyes and smiled alot. I fell for her more.
In the next couple weeks we had lots of conversations about relationships. She told me that she has had some very bad experiences, the worst of which I will describe. She told me that right before she came to the school I am currently at (in spring 2008 this takes place) she had a year long relationship with this guy. They got along really well and she said she really made him laugh. After that year, he asked her to be his girlfriend. she said no because she "didn't see a future with him" ( I found this out later). She had a trip to Vietnam for a month soon after this and when she came back she realized she loved him but he had found another girlfriend (a good person I've heard). She said she cried so much it felt like the tears would never end (awwww). This is one story among several she told me.
After one of these stories I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said no.
So here comes Valentine's Day. I told her a couple weeks ahead of time something she just told me reminded me of a great gift for her. She told me that evening that no one has EVER gotten her flowers or any gifts for that day and that VD is usually very depressing for her. I got her some flowers, a online video (Asian drama, something she talked about alot) year subscription, and a hand written letter. I described in detail why I liked her so much and how important she was to me. She seemed to appreciate all this.
The next evening I asked her to go that friday's dance with me. She said she was already going with her friends. I told her I wasn't going because its' kind of sad for a guy to go to a couple's day alone. She said she understood. A couple days later she kept asking me if I was sure I didn't want to go and that she wanted me to go. I ended up going.
The dance consisted me mostly of talking to other people in the 3 or 4 person group at the time. She didn't want to talk that much. After an hour or so, we and few others did some really bad dancing. The second to last song was a really slow one and she started to come over to me like she wanted to dance. She then quickly retreated and went to her best friend, who encouraged her to go back to me. She did and we danced through the entire song. It was so nice. After the song was over, this asshole guy (an Asian guy) happened to dance with her. (This guy "grinded" on her once during the dance, offending this girl greatly).
I learned the next evening that she's never danced with anyone before and had a really great time. Remember, this girl is TWENTY SIX.
So the next sunday she invited me to dinner with her best friend and 1 other. I went shopping at Walmart with her and her friend. She didn't talk to me much still but I got to see how she behaved around her best friend. She is an awesome person when she is comfortable and being herself.
So the next Tuesday I told her how good she looked in her reading glasses and she made mentions of wearing them when she was around me. She then invited me to a dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant. Awesome huh?
I told her three times, once an hour before we were supposed to meet, where to met me. I waited there for almost 20 minutes while frantically scanning the area for her. I could not see her. I went to her roommate's dorm room and asked where she was. She said she left with her best friend. Long story short, she wasn't there and was still waiting for me. I did the whole flowers/in person apology thing and it seemed to help.
Over the next couple months, she would schedule events with me, talk with me online right before the event started saying how excited she was, and then proceed to ignore me when we were there.
But here's the reason I haven't abandoned her.
When it's just the two of us, it's SO GOOD. I think she might have fallen for me too. Just last week after a bad incident she told me she really wanted some pizza (something she never eats) and that she wanted me to bring her some and eat it with her (OMG). I did and we had a great time eating together and watching TV.
But here's what's so weird. She told me that there was a "meeting" in the room she was (there was 3 or 4 other people in that room) and that we should eat in the lobby next to it. We sat right next to each other, practically on each other's laps, while we ate. I was afraid there would be nothing to talk about but he had tons to talk about. She told lots of jokes and overall was the person I fell in love with months before. After those people left, she went into the "meeting" room and watched TV while eating more of the pizza.
So what should I do? There have been instances where I am SO SURE she really really likes me. I am approaching this with a level mind (as much as I can) and I was observing her body language while we are together. It's very positive, with her leaning towards me, the jokes etc. I am so sure she likes me but at the same time sometimes goes to great lengths (Even sometimes , I think, lying) to avoid spending time with me. We don't share any classes so any time we spend together isn't' on accident and has to be planned

I loved this girl so much and I've realized all I really want right now if to just be AROUND her. Not sex with her. Not a kiss from her. Just her god damned company. I'd use my entire savings if necessary if it meant I could spend one more hour with her.
Pathetic huh?
Do you guys think I have any chance at all with her? I don't want to stop trying, I don't know even if I can. Us being together presents alot of unique challenges since she's from Vietnam and judging by some stuff I've heard lives in the 19th century culturally. She's felt devalued as a woman because she's a "tomboy". No Vietnamese guy has paid her any attention. They want her to be a passive woman that cooks and cleans and says "Yes Dear".
I don't' want that all. I just want her. As she is now without any changes.

What should I do? Give up? Keep pursuing her? I have a potential job prospect that would put me in the town she will be having her year long externship in. The suspense is almost killing me. But if I don't get that job, what should I do?

[VincenzoG91]

Logically, she should at least try dating you. Unfortunately, logic doesn't hold sway in these matters. But she has made it fairly clear that she isn't interested in you that way. Despite your efforts, you are in the Friend Zone.

Fortunately, the Friend Zone is not a maximum security facility. It's actually very easy to escape. All you have to do is turn around and walk out the way you came in. Yes, that will require you to move in the opposite direction of where you want to go. But you will be free, free to eventually meet someone who is actually interested in you romantically.

For what it's worth, being a tad overweight at age 22 is a lifestyle choice. Make a better choice and start eating right and getting more exercise. Even just walking a lot can be a good start. The exercise will help you with stress, build your self-confidence, and make you more attractive to women in general. (Probably not this particular woman, though, since she seems to have made up her mind about you.)

[cmacattack1]

It's pretty apparent that your feelings for her are genuine. I'm sure many girls would kill to have a guy like you care for them the way you care for this girl. In a perfect world, everything would work out and it would be happily ever after. However, that's not the case and sadly reality is kicking you in the teeth. When you like somebody, no matter what race or what upbringing they have, they would look forward to hanging out with you and wanting to hang out with you more. This hot and cold business however is what's happening and it's pretty reflective of her true feelings no matter what she says or how much she seems to like you. I think what Vinny is saying is that most of the time they don't really appreciate what they have until they don't have it anymore, hence you "going the other way" out of the friend zone.

Logically, having a job in the place where she will be for a year is insane. It would be one thing if things were going good and you guys were going smooth, but you aren't. Even if you were going smooth, it still would be risky. Concentrate on what you have in front of you and you will find somebody else. We all go through our first love and it usually ends up hurting in the end. You live, you learn, you grow wiser and so on.

As he said, you can get in better shape and work on being more confident and outgoing. You do seem to have maybe a bit of a self esteem issue, the first thing you talked about is who you are and what you have to offer. You are worth as much as you feel like and this will help you meet somebody, even if it doesn't work out with her. Things will be alright. Let whatever happens happen, she knows you like her and it's up to her to make the next move.

[Kaius]

I read the entire post. It was painful to see how you are making it look like you have a chance to be with her as more than friends. You perhaps already know the answer. You are a nice guy, and deserve to be with the lady you desire. Unfortunately, you have stepped in the Friend Zone from the beginning. There is nothing you can do or say to avoid the friend zone. It has nothing to do with your looks or anything external. Women know very quickly if you are boyfriend material or friend material. They can say they like you as a friend, but they are actually attracted to you. It never happens vice versa. So the challenge is to read her signs. I don't think you are good at reading women. That is just a hunch based on your inexperience and the way you described the scenario. You are also attracted to an asian woman, and thinks she is all wonderful because she is so pure and no one has ever sent her flowers or paid attention to her and such (white knight syndrome). I always think it's creepy for a white guy to be smitten by an asian girl for strange reasons, but that's just my opinion (off topic). You are trying too hard.

Fundamentally, your self-esteem is very obvious to women. They like confident men. This is an evolutionary trait to choose the most capable mate....the best hunter. You are nice to her. You still stick around even though she said no to your BF request. You continually remain nice to her....like a brother. You started off in the Friend Zone. Now you are in the Best Friend Zone. Sorry....I can't see this romance ever happening.