would you forgive a cheater?

[qwertz]

Did you two actually have a formal exclusivity agreement?

Yes, right from the start.

I just dont understand men sometimes, its not as though he wasnt getting any- we were having a LOT! All his actions and words pointed towards him hating his ex ( ive known him a long time and believed this) he still maintains that he hates her and it was just a lapse of judgement and she came on to him when he went to pick up some mail.
Yeh, well i dont know about you guys but i dont sleep with people i hate

What bothers me most is the fact that he convinced me to give things a go, saying that he had been in love with me for a long while etc etc, he let me get closer and feel things and then he goes and does this.
He was the one person in the world that i truly thought would never hurt me- well at least not on purpose. How wrong could i be

[vashti]

Did you get rid of him yet?

[Incognito]

Qwerty, I couldn't find your original thread about when this started, but I thought he had just broken up with his wife/girlfriend. He probably didn't have enough time to really get over her. This in no way excuses his actions, but it points to why he did it. You guys had sex so he had no need to confront his feelings for her after breaking up. When this started you said that it was only sex and that you were just going to enjoy it while it lasted. I'll also let you in on a little secret.....men will have sex with someone they hate. I have specifically fantasized about having sex with someone who I hated. Not because I wanted to change my perception of her, but because it just seemed hot. I don't know why and I can't explain it in a way that will seem logical.

It seems that your biggest mistake in this situation was allowing a relationship to form instead of just enjoying the sex as you said you would. By entering a relationship with him you became a rebound relationship. I'm sure that if your were observing someone else doing what you did you would have advised them to stop before they got hurt. It never looks the same when you're actually IN the relationship though. I'm sorry that you lost a friend and a boyfriend. Hopefully you will treat this as a learning experience instead of beating yourself up.

[Asip4u]

Qwerty, I couldn't find your original thread about when this started, but I thought he had just broken up with his wife/girlfriend. He probably didn't have enough time to really get over her. This in no way excuses his actions, but it points to why he did it. You guys had sex so he had no need to confront his feelings for her after breaking up. When this started you said that it was only sex and that you were just going to enjoy it while it lasted. I'll also let you in on a little secret.....men will have sex with someone they hate. I have specifically fantasized about having sex with someone who I hated. Not because I wanted to change my perception of her, but because it just seemed hot. I don't know why and I can't explain it in a way that will seem logical.

It seems that your biggest mistake in this situation was allowing a relationship to form instead of just enjoying the sex as you said you would. By entering a relationship with him you became a rebound relationship. I'm sure that if your were observing someone else doing what you did you would have advised them to stop before they got hurt. It never looks the same when you're actually IN the relationship though. I'm sorry that you lost a friend and a boyfriend. Hopefully you will treat this as a learning experience instead of beating yourself up.

So much bs. He said he was in love with her for a LONG TIME. What you prove with this is that he is an ass and wasn't right for her to begin with. Only very immature men, men who feel they have the need to prove something to themselves, do stuff like that. I have never, ever wanted to bang a girl i hated. If my ex doesn't want me or did something to make me hate her, there's no ****ing way i'd go back and ruin something that is going so well.

[Cosmo]

Fiance cheated on me. We worked it out, I forgave her. She cheated again.

That about sums up my feelings on taking back a cheater. I loved her with all my heart, enough even to forgive the unforgivable, she broke it. She has made me incredibly bitter and jaded. Meaning, I went from being a 'sweetheart' and 'cutie' to being like every other guy who just wants somewhere to put his member for a night.

If you love someone you never want to hurt them. Cheating is the most hurtful thing you can do. There is no excuse for cheating, there's no 'lapse' of judgment. I never even looked at another woman when I was with my fiance.

Someday you'll find someone who deserves you, this asshole doesn't.

[misombra]

So much bs. He said he was in love with her for a LONG TIME. What you prove with this is that he is an ass and wasn't right for her to begin with. Only very immature men, men who feel they have the need to prove something to themselves, do stuff like that. I have never, ever wanted to bang a girl i hated. If my ex doesn't want me or did something to make me hate her, there's no ****ing way i'd go back and ruin something that is going so well.

yeah but you're a good guy. there's a lot of guys out there who would. i think a majority would. i know somebody who's wife left him and she became a lesbian. now he hangs out at lesbian bars and has affairs with lesbians. if he can get two or three lesbians at one time that is his favorite.

also there are a lot of people, men and women, who will screw somebody who broke their heart just to see if they would do it. i have to admit i did it one time. i had a friend with benefits (bad mistake, young and stupid) and i saw him after a long time he had screwed me over so bad. he had a girlfriend he'd been with her for months. so i hooked up with him just to see if he would do it. he did. it gave me satisfaction. the whole thing was stupid but at the time i didn't care so much.

[Gigabitch]

i had a friend with benefits (bad mistake, young and stupid) and i saw him after a long time he had screwed me over so bad. he had a girlfriend he'd been with her for months. so i hooked up with him just to see if he would do it. he did. it gave me satisfaction. the whole thing was stupid but at the time i didn't care so much.

Evil temptress!

[misombra]

haha i really didn't have to do that much tempting.

[Aeradalia]

Sorry to hear that qwerty...

Don't let the stupidity of one male ruin your perception of the overall male population. There are plenty of men out there with "dick control." This one obvious didn't have his shit together.

Btw... I wouldn't forgive a cheater... it detracts from the future.

I'd just as soon let them be stuck with their mistake... no sense in putting up with the bs.

[RdHrshyKss]

sorry to hear you are going through this. i dated a cheater. i had a feeling he was up to no good and would approach him about it. gave him every opportunity to come out with the truth, but he chose to lie instead. found out he had been cheating with some girl through another random girl i worked with, it was the worst feeling. the only way i could handle it was dumping his ass. he was a liar, and a damn good one. i cut communication with him altogether (as best i could being that we had mutual friends at the time). he came back whining, saying how sorry he was, blah blah blah. at that point, i couldn't trust a damn thing he said. kick him to the curb, you deserve someone better. not just for yourself, but for your son's sake too. even if your son isn't old enough to fully understand what's going on, it's best to teach him that cheating is unacceptable. if you forgive this guy, and he does it again, you'll be teaching your son that your bf's behavior is tolerable when it's not, it's despicable...

[Incognito]

So much bs. He said he was in love with her for a LONG TIME. What you prove with this is that he is an ass and wasn't right for her to begin with. Only very immature men, men who feel they have the need to prove something to themselves, do stuff like that. I have never, ever wanted to bang a girl i hated. If my ex doesn't want me or did something to make me hate her, there's no ****ing way i'd go back and ruin something that is going so well.

Ok, so you say I'm spouting bs and then pretty much agree with the fact that this guy's actions aren't acceptable. ??? Also as far as banging a woman I hated it depends on the situation. I would have banged a teacher and a boss that I hated. Maybe it was the power thing? Who knows. However when my wife and I mutually hated each other I wouldn't have f*cked her with YOUR dick. Keep the "bs" labels to yourself especially when you agree with part of what I'm saying.

I'll also add that his being in love with her a long time doesn't matter. When people break up their past isn't erased or forgotten in the instant that the breakup happens, it takes time. When a breakup is fresh it is more likely for the two to get back together. That why you'll often hear people talking about having makeup sex and getting back together soon after a breakup. That is also why it is unwise to date someone who has just broken up with someone. They need time for that bond to the other person to dissolve.

[Asip4u]

Ok, so you say I'm spouting bs and then pretty much agree with the fact that this guy's actions aren't acceptable. ??? Also as far as banging a woman I hated it depends on the situation. I would have banged a teacher and a boss that I hated. Maybe it was the power thing? Who knows. However when my wife and I mutually hated each other I wouldn't have f*cked her with YOUR dick. Keep the "bs" labels to yourself especially when you agree with part of what I'm saying.

I'll also add that his being in love with her a long time doesn't matter. When people break up their past isn't erased or forgotten in the instant that the breakup happens, it takes time. When a breakup is fresh it is more likely for the two to get back together. That why you'll often hear people talking about having makeup sex and getting back together soon after a breakup. That is also why it is unwise to date someone who has just broken up with someone. They need time for that bond to the other person to dissolve.

haha! Wow, i thought i needed to get laid. Relax. The impression i got from your post, is that you agreed it was wrong yet you kept explaining reasons for it which imo is just pointless. I don't care why he did it and i hate when people say it doesn't excuse it but this is why it happened. Like that's somehow suppose to make the other person feel better. People need to be more responsible and realize that there's no point of having rules if there are no consequences for breaking them! I do apologize for not being clear in what i meant.

[Incognito]

haha! Wow, i thought i needed to get laid. Relax. The impression i got from your post, is that you agreed it was wrong yet you kept explaining reasons for it which imo is just pointless. I don't care why he did it and i hate when people say it doesn't excuse it but this is why it happened. Like that's somehow suppose to make the other person feel better. People need to be more responsible and realize that there's no point of having rules if there are no consequences for breaking them! I do apologize for not being clear in what i meant.

LOL, when you're right you're right. I won't argue with truth and I don't mind laughing at myself.

As far as explaining his actions I don't think it is pointless. Was he wrong? Yes, of course. However the situation could have been avoided if Qwerty hadn't jumped him so soon after the breakup. That is why I pointed out the possible reasons, so it can be understood and avoided by everyone in the future. Just trying to be helpful

[qwertz]

Did you get rid of him yet?

Too damn right i did.

..men will have sex with someone they hate.

I actually think hate is an over used word. If you (man or woman) TRULY hates someone, there is no way you could comprehend having sex with them imo.

However the situation could have been avoided if Qwerty hadn't jumped him so soon after the breakup.

Errr, didnt quite happen like that. What wouldve been a better thing to do? make him wait?..if so- how long..how long is a piece of string?

Anyway, i made a mistake in letting a guy get close. I for sure wont be doing it again.

[IndiReloaded]

Too damn right i did.
Anyway, i made a mistake in letting a guy get close. I for sure wont be doing it again.

Good for you, Q. You took a chance on him, and he hurt his lover AND friend. He betrayed BOTH, which makes it double the screw-up, IMO. You weren't just some random chick he started dating and had an 'oops' with his ex.