The motherly urge...

[girl68]

Hi,

So if anyone follows some of my posts, previously I would have described myself as a woman who was terrified of having children. I thought my life is over once I have them, my body will be hideous from that point on, I never get laid, I'll never get to have a day to myself, my relationship will ruin itself etc. (much of which could be true but still.) I was petrified of having children and all that came with that.

Recently the man and I took a trip to Hawaii where I felt "the urge". There were times when I'd look at a family with children and long from them. I almost felt as if I might be ready sooner than previously thought.

It was just a really odd feeling as I'd never, ever had the yearning to have children- it always just made me feel sad as if the mintue you have children your life automatically sucks for the rest of your life.

Thoughts?

[Gigabitch]

Well, I have a twelve year old, I'm six months pregnant and I get laid ALL THE TIME. Yes, if you have kids, the life you have will be undeniably over, but you'll get another life in return.

I think you just don't know what you're missing.

[girl68]

I suppose so, there's no way TO know unless I have them...

[Gigabitch]

There's no hurry. You have plenty of time. Maybe you should do some of the things that would be impossible with children and get them out of your system.

[girl68]

I am, I'm starting a dimploma that will take about 3 years... I play sports recreationally (that might become next to impossible I assume). Otherwise we're travelling some...

It's not like a killer urge it was just a major breakthrough. I told the bf and he was happy to hear but also said: "one day, baby, one day..."

[QueenofCorona]

I'm with ya girl. I am so on the fence right now its ridiculous. I go back and forth by the day. I try to con myself into believing it will be ok if I don't have kids but then worry about what happens when I'm 70 years old and am alone on the holidays or just filled with regret. Then I worry would 3 kids be too much, too expensive? Grrr....its hard too because I have no one that I know to talk about this with.

[bah]

Some people never want kids. Some are just not ready for them. Don't try to force yourself.

Your life will not be over but it will be different. The things you thought were most important to you become unimportant. There is a new layer of life, a higher level of richness and fulfillment. Suddenly the world is no longer about yourself but about this little creature you brought into the world. It is a beautiful, meaningful experience. Don't let fear hold you back if that is what you want.

The same, don't let anyone make you feel you should have kids if that is what you don't want.

[dewilliams2]

Well I'm not a woman but I've had that feeling. I really wanta be a father.

I mean my body won't really change...maybe I'll start rockin a beer gut like my dad in a few years but honestly. I don't know what you mean. My gf had a little girl not quite a year ago and she does have a few stretch marks but her body is amazing.

I dated her years ago before she was married and had a baby and her breast then were a B cup...her hormones have changed since she had her daughter and now she actually weighs about 10 lbs less then she did before she was pregnant except she went shopping for bras the other day because she was falling outta all of hers and apparently has moved up to a D cup....and they are fairly perky....I'm likin em.

But she also works out and watches what she eats....when I started seeing her again she was a little heavier than she used to be but it didn't bother me.

And as for sex...we have plenty of sex.

It is kinda hard to plan things to do...Like last night we went to a concert and we had to plan it almost 2 months in advance because we needed to make sure there would be a babysitter. Her ex-husband watches her daughter one night a week but he is an asshole and we can't always count on that so there have been many canceled plans. I mean it is hard to just drop everything but its not that bad.

[Gigabitch]

I told the bf and he was happy to hear but also said: "one day, baby, one day..."

You probably gave him a big, fat boner. Guys love it when you want to make more of them.

[girl68]

You probably gave him a big, fat boner. Guys love it when you want to make more of them.

HAHAHA that was ****ing hilarious. Thanks. He was happy he is aware of my childbearing fears.

[girl68]

Dewilliams, how old are you?

[LailaK]

Ick... Babies.

[dewilliams2]

Dewilliams, how old are you?

23, closer to 24....how old are you?

I see my friends having kids and starting families and I envy them but a lot of them aren't going to school and I am. While I may get a later start in life then some of them, its only a few years and in the long run I'll make a lot more money and be able to offer my children doorways they won't be able to open for theirs.

[vashti]

Having babies was the single best thing I ever did, and is the closest you will ever get to experiencing unconditional love. I also find life much more meaningful now than I ever did before babies.

That said, I DO miss my pre-baby body (C-sections leave ugly scars, even if you are lucky enough to not have many stretch marks and your boobs recover, which as you know, if often NOT the case), and my life has definitely changed. Sometimes, the things you know would be best for you individually are at odds with what you KNOW would be best for your babies, and so you may have to make choices that are not in your own best interest. But the amount of love you feel for this human being (unless you are incredibly selfish) makes your personal sacrifices worthwhile, and trivial things like a washboard abdomen are so far removed from your consciousness that they seem silly to even address.

I think having babies is all about giving things up, even meaningful things, in exchange for the love of this new person you brought into the world. So the question is, keeping in mind that the child WILL go through periods of time when they resent you and ultimately will leave you, how much are you willing to give up?

[girl68]

I'm 25 bf's 33