He's not over his ex-girlfriend yet.. don't really know what to expect.

[sheenietee]

Alright, so I met this amazing guy about 2.5 weeks ago and ever since then we've basically hung out/gone on dates everyday since then. He's a great guy, he's a professional dance instructor, he's romantic, intelligent, successful, driven, very nice etc. The issue though, college just ended for the summer (I'm 19, he's 21) and we're from different states (they're neighboring though) and he has admitted to me that he's still not ever his ex so he doesn't want to start anything with me until he is.

Info that I know about her (they dated for 4 years or months.. I know, big difference, but I couldn't hear him). She cheated on him. They were long distance. They went through a lot together since her mom died while they were dating. Lastly, he said "she might still like me".. idk if that is his wishful thinking or if she said something to him.

He told me while we were in bed 2 nights ago that every long-term gf has cheated on him and that he's sick of being hurt and that I shouldn't wait for him over the summer because he's "messed up and has a lot of problems and [he's] really not that great of a guy" which he totally is.

Before he had told me he wanted me to visit him over the summer and he would visit me, after he said the above ^ I asked "so, you don't want to meet up over the summer?" and he said "what gave you that idea?" and I said, "well, you said to not wait for you." and he said "of course I want to , I just happen to change my mind a lot.

Also, he was perfectly down with me living with him over the summer in his apartment.. which I obviously turned down. It seems like he really does like me.. but I don't know what to think of him? I'm not dating him til he thinks he's ready though. and idk how to make things work over the summer.. what should I do?

Oh, and the other thing. He has since dated another girl since the ex he's not over with. Their relationship lasted 7 months and he broke up with her recently at the end of March. He admitted to not being as invested in her as he should have been and was still hung up on the other girl while dating her.

I don't want to be a rebound girl and I think he's been handling things well since he is being so very open and honest about everything and made it clear that he doesn't want to hurt me by asking me out before he's over her.

[MM894]

I'd say go for it. If you're interested in him, why not give it a shot. You've established his major potential problem going in, and if you prepare yourself to potentially have to deal with those circumstances ahead of time, I think you're better off. Worst case scenario he lives up to your worries, which you've already recognized. More likely is that you get to spend time with a guy you think is great, and when he does get over his ex, you're there to be with him.

[xxazurexx]

I don't buy it sorry. He's 'just not that into you'.......but likes the benefits of a real relationship.

If he wanted to take things slow and get over his ex first.....sorry but he wouldn't be sleeping with you! He'd have waited for the sex too.

[sheenietee]

We haven't had sex.... and he hasn't asked me out yet for the sole reason of not wanting to hurt me and trying to repair himself first. If he's "just not that into me" then why did he want to meet my parents, meet me over the summer, and take me out on highly romantic dates and always make time for me in his really busy schedule? lol, sorry but ever since that movie came out I've gotten a bit irked by the phrase's overuse. That, and I hate when people make assumptions and/pr didn't read everything properly.

[IndiReloaded]

He told me while we were in bed 2 nights ago that every long-term gf has cheated on him

I'm pretty sure Azure's reading comprehension is just fine. You can't write clearly^. Most ppl would interpret this as you are having sex.

[sheenietee]

I'm pretty sure Azure's reading comprehension is just fine. You can't write clearly^. Most ppl would interpret this as you are having sex.

That's why I said make assumptions first and then tagged on "or" can't comprehend correctly. I understand the assumption, just wish it would have been phrased into a question rather that a definitive statement and followed judgment based on that statement. I wasn't trying to sound harsh, just trying to voice my opinions is all.

[IndiReloaded]

Are you going to explain what you were doing in bed, then?

[sheenietee]

Well, now that the entire post is solely focused on one statement I made and not the overall situation... yes, I have done sexual stuff with him and I realize this isn't the best but I don't really think based on the type of people that we are that this is too big of a factor. I've been used sexually before and he so far doesn't seem as if he's up to that.

[Asip4u]

So many things wrong with this situation. I mean, you think that he's a great guy after just 2.5 weeks? He tells you that he's not over his ex and is giving you hints that he isn't very responsible when it comes to relationships and you just ignore it?. All that other stuff about girls cheating on him is a way for you to feel bad about his situation and be there for him. He knows the type you are so he's using it! When guys like that make excuses and say things like "messed up and have a lot of problems", you better believe that because later on when things get bad, he will use that against you. He'll say that he warned you and you never listened. I can't believe how many clueless women there are.

[sheenietee]

Hmmm. :/ I mean, I have only had one official boyfriend before and it only lasted 3.5 weeks so I can entrust in the fact that I AM probably clueless due to lack of experience. What do you mean by he's "giving me hints that he isn't very responsible when it comes to relationship"? Just not sure what you are exactly referring to. Yes, I think he's great after 2.5 weeks, but I by no means think he's perfect or flawless, just that he appears to have a great overall package about him.

You think he's simply using me to comfort him and nothing else? but yet why does he keep eluding to a future with us, always saying things like oh next fall we'll.. or this will be us ten years from now.. etc.. He seems as if he wants to get over this girl, he's just struggling with it and wants to let me know ahead of time because he realizes I'm a good girl that doesn't deserve to be stringed along or hurt.

Please, correct me if I'm wrong but I do feel as if he is genuinely interested in me. After all, he dedicated so much time to me despite us just meeting at a party and there being only 2 weeks of school left.

[Asip4u]

Ok, correct me if i'm wrong. At the beginning when things were going great, he promised you certain things like visiting each other during summer and so on. AFTER you slept with him you noticed a change where he started acting like maybe he didn't want to keep the relationship going. The part where he said that you shouldn't wait for him over the summer explains that very well. Even when you asked about that, he responded with "of course I want to , I just happen to change my mind a lot." That is very very weak! What do you want from this anyways? You were saying before how you just needed consistent sex and nothing too serious. Do you want a serious relationship now? If that's the case i don't think this guy is it. Depending on how much sex he gets elsewhere, who knows, he might call you once in awhile.

[sheenietee]

Ok, correct me if i'm wrong. At the beginning when things were going great, he promised you certain things like visiting each other during summer and so on. AFTER you slept with him you noticed a change where he started acting like maybe he didn't want to keep the relationship going. The part where he said that you shouldn't wait for him over the summer explains that very well. Even when you asked about that, he responded with "of course I want to , I just happen to change my mind a lot." That is very very weak! What do you want from this anyways? You were saying before how you just needed consistent sex and nothing too serious. Do you want a serious relationship now? If that's the case i don't think this guy is it. Depending on how much sex he gets elsewhere, who knows, he might call you once in awhile.

Yes, I do want a serious relationship. I have since changed my naive views on that. Also, I didn't sleep with him and even in doing other physical stuff... we had already done that before and after the first time he still showed me the same amount of interest by continuing to take me out on dates and in making plans for the summer. Right before we said goodbye before I left for home.. he even clarified with me saying "you said the first week in June isn't good for you, right?" and said to message him with my summer plans and he would do the same.

I feel like the reason he said what he said was because he had talked to his friends earlier that night that kept telling him to "not be tied down again" knowing that he has had a troubled past with relationships. He has continued to show interest in me.. since I've left.

I really don't know what to think right now, I mean, I want it to work out but I understand it's risky business. I feel like his mentality right now is, imo, "I have been through so much with my ex that I feel like she'll always be in the back of my mind and be important to me but at the same time I know she hurt me and I need to get over her, especially when there are other girls that are good for me available." He seems motivated to get over her, I don't know if he will but we'll see..

[cmacattack1]

Sounds like your mind is already made up. What are you asking the forum for?

You don't know if something is right unless you try, so if your gut is telling you, I say you go for it. People here are just trying to keep it rational, and too many times have we seen people with the kind of flip flopping behavior your guy is showing and may times we've seen it burn somebody. If it's pretty obvious you like him, that can pique his interest a bit to make it seem like he likes you as well. Nothing is established yet though, it can certainly go either way at this moment. Most people don't like being the rebound if they are looking for a serious relationship, and you are a rebound no matter how long it's been since his ex. Also, it's certainly important to be on your own and really build up your self worth again. While he may feel trashed and crappy from his ex, he has to work on himself a bit too to really become a fully available person for the next relationship. If he goes into this feeling crappy about himself, it can crash and burn. So it's nice to be able to be on his own first to become independant because if he is jumping into this out of lonliness and a need for somebody it's just not a good thing to base a relationship on.

But you are aware of the risks at hand. Good luck.

[IndiReloaded]

What he said^. I don't have anything to add.

[soulsurvivor23]

Lastly, he said "she might still like me"

I'm sorry but to me this sentence screams get out.. As someone who has been in your shoes, it's not a good idea to try and start anything with him, or even to have the idea of a relationship in your mind. It's one thing for him to have residual feelings for her, it's another for him to be hoping for them to get back together. Don't end up being a gap filler.