4 month dry spell broken, but it doesn't feel right...

[Incognito]

Ok, for most who have read my past threads, comments, and blogs you know that I hadn't had sex with my wife since the end of December. Well that changed on Tuesday night, but not for the reason that I wanted it to. She didn't bring sex up, or anything like that. I iniatiated, yet again, as always. Was the sex fun? Yes. Did I enjoy myself physically? Yes. I, however, felt like I had just lost a battle because I didn't force her iniatiate. I feel like these past four months have been for nothing now. If the topic of sex comes up again now I can't say "well its been X amount of months since we had sex" because she'll just say "well we just did it on xyz". After we had sex I told her that I was thrying to "hold out longer" but that I was unsucessful because we hadn't had sex in four months. She denied my four month claim, which made me feel bad too. I don't know if she was honestly clueless or if she just didn't want to admit that it had been so long. I got the feeling that she was just clueless about it which hurt me and reenforced my belief that she has no sex drive at all and doesn't want me. I made sure that I had the last word on the last time we had sex though because I KNEW that it had been four months. What do you all make of this?

[lahnnabell]

How do you guys spend time together? What do you and her do to show one another that you care and are still participating in the marriage?

[Gigabitch]

Saying "we've had sex once in four months" is pretty bad, too, Incognito. You haven't lost your case.

[lahnnabell]

Bottom line is... You both have different views on how often you want to have sex. She doesn't see anything wrong with her point of view, nor does she seem concerned about the fact that YOU are CLEARLY UNHAPPY. That's what would get me. She's fine defending herself, and giving you dates and times of various romantic encounters to prove her case, but you haven't mentioned whether or not she's truly concerned about your marriage. I would be.

[Incognito]

She says that she's concerned about our marriage, but the main issue that undermines everything these days is her lack of sexual interest. Because of her lack of sexual interest it makes me have less love and tolerance all around. She asked me to message her back last week and I begrudgingly did it, but wanted to tell her to go f*ck herself. In another thread I posted she actually brought up our lack of sex by text message while I was at work. She didn't say that she missed sex, or that she wanted to have sex, only that "it was a problem". I suspect that she was only worried about how my sexual needs were being met NOT that she missed the sex. Thread seen here: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/40137-wife-sends-me-text-message-about-sex.html[/url]

[Gigabitch]

I wish she would actually try more. She seems lazy.

[Incognito]

Ha, yeah. I wish I were married to someone like you instead.....well based upon the little bit I know about you anyway.

The funny thing is that since we had sex I notice that I feel a bit more connected. Not anywhere like married people should, but connected in a way that I don't feel like putting my foot down her throat every time she opens her mouth. This is the point that she seems to not understand. If she had a sex drive we wouldn't have most of the problems that we do. Sex has a way of making men look past most imperfections....

[TAVS]

I've been in such situations and its extremely frustrating. Life is too short for this crap. I understand she is your wife, but you deserve to be happy and she's just wasting away years of your life that could be happy.

[Gigabitch]

Sex has a way of making men look past most imperfections....

That explains my marriage...

[Incognito]

LOL @ Gigabitch

[lahnnabell]

That explains my marriage...

Haha

Yeah, dude... Sending someone a text about a serious issue is something I frown upon heavily. And while you're at work. So, she apparently thinks about this stuff when it's convenient for her, but never for you. Her simply acknowledging that there is a problem isn't enough. What does she plan on DOING to help solve this problem? You are going in circles, and it's frustrating me to read it.

[Incognito]

I've given up on pressing her to do something. The other thing is that I found out that my insurance policy doesn't cover any type of counseling unless its for post traumatic stress. The rates for counselor in my area were $120.00 and above. Needless to say, but I refuse to pay that much for any service.

[Gigabitch]

Needless to say, but I refuse to pay that much for any service.

That's how much a decent hooker will cost you, should it come to that.

[SirWagginston]

Your wife sucks. Not in the good way.

[bah]

My ex-husband did this to me. He was spending way too much time focusing solely on himself and not the marriage. We (my daughter and I) barely saw him as he literally came home from work and ran to his office until bedtime. Actually, we ended in divorce because of this (not lack of sex but lack of marriage growth). Lack of physical intimacy is a sign that things are not right between the two of you in some way (other than the sex).

So, eventually I divorced his ass and bought the best adult toy my money could buy.

I'm sorry to put it this way but your wife does suck for not fulfilling your needs. It doesn't matter if she is in the mood or not. Women can fake it. And honestly, even the BIBLE says that marriage partners are supposed to be there for each other in these ways (in addition to emotional, mental, financial, support, etc) because the act of fulfilling each other's needs provides a stronger bond. Else, one may be tempted to look elsewhere which is very wrong. (I was very tempted to cheat on him but thankfully never did).