My girlfriend evades issues!

[Questions]

Hello!

I'd like to give a quick background before I get into my specific relationship issue. I'm a 24 year old recent graduate, taking my first few steps into the 'real world'. My girlfriend is 20 years old, working on her degree. We've been dating for just over a year now and it's been going fantastic (save for this one issue). My last relationship was a 3 year long nightmare, and I learned a lot from it- it's made me approach things much differently. I can be absolutely stubborn and hard-headed, but I've kept this 'in check' after realizing how damaging it was to my prior relationship. I now keep my strong opinions to myself, and only offer gentle advice. I feel like I am a much better significant other to my girlfriend. But here I am, entirely stuck.

My girlfriend does not handle stressful situations well. It is nothing new, I guess I've been hoping it would go away. When a problem arises she completely clams up. She will get angry, sad, or frustrated... but she will not take even the slightest measure to resolve it. This does not apply only to our relationship; she avoids problem situations in every aspect of her life! This gets especially difficult for me. I consistently struggle with myself to not to blurt out a frustrated "do something about it!". I want so much to be able to help her, but everything I want to do just feels wrong. I want to tell her what to say and how to say it. I want to step into her situations and work them out for her. I know I can't do these things. I know it wouldn't really help her if I did.

It happens with her friends, family, coworkers, and our relationship. She avoids dealing any problem that comes from these! Of course they get worse, and then hopefully fade away. If she's angry with me, there's a good chance I know nothing about it until she starts making underhanded comments to hurt my feelings. Then I press and press and press until I figure out what's wrong- and try to work on it. I've discussed this with her; I want her to be open and confident- I feel like I can be a great resource and I'm more than willing to work things out with her. She claims to recognize the problem, and promises to work on it. BUT- I have not seen a change. It's hard enough when we're upset with each other- but when she can't even bring it up or hash things out it's nearly impossible.

What should I do?! Could this just be due to the age-difference? Do you believe this can change?

It is like nails on a chalkboard when she tells me about an issue she's having; not because of the issue itself, but because she won't pull it apart, she doesn't analyze it, she doesn't look towards solutions- she just gets MAD!

I am putting so much into this relationship, and at this point I'm concerned about our future. If she refuses to acknowledge these simple problems and their possible solutions, how will she be able to handle larger problems and solutions in the future?

It seems as though I am losing confidence in her by the minute. I really don't know if I can rely on her. Yet, as odd as it seems- when I am having difficulty with something she always provides great advice! She's a wonderful listener and the best friend I could ask for. I care for her so much, but I don't know if we have a future. I need a partner who's able to tackle problems. When she doesn't, it adds stress to both of our already stressful lives.

I apologize about the length of this! Thank you very much for reading.

ANY advice would be great!

Thank you,
David

[bah]

You need to tell her exactly all that. About the future and everything.
However, sometimes it helps asking questions in different ways to get people to open up.

[Doc Durian]

Not everyone is an analytical type, and fewer women than men it seems....

I think this is a common problem between many men and women.

A woman may drive her car until it's so far beyond salvage and service that when it breaks down, it's a cataclysmic event and the whole car has to "go".

A man pays attention to the sounds and the handling, and whether he's mechanically minded or not... he begins to build a case on what he knows of cars, or not. He may have serviced similar repairs on his own, or knows another guy or mechanic who can give him the heads up on what he can do or at least what kind of investment and skill level he's looking at to repair it...

Even when the repairs go beyond the scope of his garage, tools, or skill level he still wants to know exactly what should happen to repair his car....or at least any new bits of info should the same thing ever happen again with that car or the next.

Most of my relationships have been with women who consider the car as an entire entity. The "car isn't working".... "the car stalled"..... even, "the car won't move".

They could very adeptly operate the car (in most cases).... but their minds couldn't dissect the car into its various bits.

So when a relationship has an issue... it's like a car for many women.

The relationship "won't go".

Hence it breaks down, momentarily... or indefinitely...

And it's a strain on their femininity/mental wiring/whatever it is... to consider the components and discuss what went wrong.