Single mother advice please....

[Lulu]

So I am a single mom of a perfect eleven year old girl- I'm 31 and I am new to the dating scene. Yesterday a guy (looking 23- yikes) came up to me at the store and handed me his digits after bumping into him and making small talk in a few of the aisles. My problem is that my daughter wasn't with me and how in the hell do I bring up the fact that I am a mom!? What is the best way to present that to someone? Obviously not when he is initially wanting your number...."hey, btw, I am a momma".....I just don't know when or how to approach the subject when dating someone who doesn't yet know me. What do you guys suggest??? And am I too old to be dating a 23 year old (hot!) guy???

[girl68]

I do think you're too old to date a 23 yr old guy. But props on being a single hot mother obviously.

However if you decide to proceed for whatever reason I think that when you speak to him on the phone and he's asking you out mention something about finiding a babysitter because you're not sure if you told him or not... but you have a daugther... Likely unfortunately I don't think he'll be interested after that...

[QueenofCorona]

I agree, unless he's some sort of alien 23 year old he's probably not looking for a package deal right now. I know even at age 30 the package deal I'm in is hard but I couldn't have done it at 23.

Its not like you have to warn him like you are looking to get married tomorrow or looking for a daddy but its important obviously for everyone to know what your deal is. I don't know if you are only looking for a POA or a relationship or what. If its a sex only thing I'd say keep your daughter 100% out of the picture. Get busy with him at his house only. She doesn't need to know and I wouldn't bring him around her if thats the case.

[Gigabitch]

You're not too old to be dating a 23-year-old if you're just looking for a bit of fun, but he's probably not up to the maturity level you need in a boyfriend. I think a 33-year-old might be more what you need.

[dono01]

Pish posh. People are misled if they think age has anything to do with maturity, or wisdom, beyond the simple fact that that person has been alive longer. Age doesn't ACTUALLY mean anything.

I say you don't say anything about it and see how it goes. You should be able to tell fairly quickly if he's actually serious or not.

[SirWagginston]

Age is just a number, baby.

[Erica2004]

Hey I was reading your post I am also a single mother of a 4 year old son and Im only 24 soon to be 25. I am single because of me being a mother. I have met some really cool guys and Im just honest and upfront. I would say ask him to be just friends and see if he accepts your child and for you being a mother and if he does good than you can see where it leads. I have dated a few guys who were 22-25 years of age and its all just strictly friends now becasue they dont or arent ready to date the whole package deal yet. They still want to party and not worry about anything. Just be careful. Oh crap I just realized this is a forum for the guys lol. oops.

[Sonrisa]

Pish posh. People are misled if they think age has anything to do with maturity, or wisdom, beyond the simple fact that that person has been alive longer. Age doesn't ACTUALLY mean anything.

I say you don't say anything about it and see how it goes. You should be able to tell fairly quickly if he's actually serious or not.

Age is just a number, baby.

BULLSHIT! I know for a fact that people change and do become wiser with age.

[lilly1185]

Depending upon how long you've been out of a relationship/what you're looking for.

He may have been looking for a hook up, but if you were shopping surely you would have had kid-related things in your cart-
we'll make that null as sometimes guys aren't that observant when going for the kill.

Serious mad props on grabbing that guys attention though, he may not exactly be as young as you're marking him either.

Go out on *A* date with him. If that's what he is looking for.
If sparks fly and there is chemistry, find a subtle way to tell him. Don't be one of those weird people who bring their kids to dinner unannounced. That's unsettling. And creepy.
Just be wary, as he might need time to process it.
If he comes back for round 2, you're ok. If not, well hell, at least you're capable of catching some guys eye WITHOUT standing around a bar.

*edit*
@
Sonrisa; I will say for the most part people are pretty predictable at certain ages. There are a rare few who've garnered life experiences well beyond their peer group and can handle some things better than others. Just like there are 50 y/o men who act like they're 20 >.>
Point being, you never know until you try

*edit edit*
And do be careful about introducing dates to your daughter.
I'm not a fan of women running a train of men through their children's lives. Especially if it's a series of relational failures. It has a damaging impact on kids. So when it's time to introduce new-boyfriend to your wee one, be very careful on how you do it. *THAT* I imagine would be the most complicated part of it all.

My son is 2, so I don't have to worry about communicating all of that with him *too* much, but it's certainly an interesting learning experience.

[dewilliams2]

I only 23 and my gf has a baby not quite a year. Now we do have a very long history so maybe its a little different for me but I have no problem accepting that she has a baby.

As everybody calls it, the package deal isn't that frightening of a prospect to me. I'm not the little girls father, I'm not trying to be her father. Right now I just see myself as a man in her life. She is obviously to young to really influence but as she gets older if I am still around I hope to be a positive male influence in her life. If things get really serious then I will be her father. That is the way I believe things should progress.

Honestly I'd go out with the guy and see how the first date goes. If he asks for a second date and you like the guy you might just say something like "before this goes any further understand that I do have a son and that it can complicate things" Also mention that you don't expect anything from him in terms of being a daddy or anything but you know it is added baggage that he will have to accept.

If he is a good guy chances are he will be cool with it...if not well then he either isn't ready or a d-bag and your not looking for either I'm sure.

[Lulu]

I just keep thinking of Ashton and Demi....it worked for them! I am NOT POSITIVE about his age- but he looks it and WORKS at the college...I don't look 31 though, either...so you never know, I guess. The 33 year old that I've been hoping to see more of is keeping me in limbo- this new guy was bold enough to go after what he wanted so that was pretty impressive to me. At least HE can make a decision!

[lilly1185]

That 33 year old sounds a little like he's yo-yoing more than one lady if he can't make up his mind.

Don't wait around for him to decide!

[Lulu]

I don't think he is. He's my neighbor and no one is ever there but him! Also, he works a lot (driving alone). I think he is just used to being alone.....

[isay]

Lulu,
I'm also a single mother (29) met this wonderful guy when I was 26 and he was 20....we've been together for 3 years and will probably end up married. Some guys are mature at a young age so I don't think age matters that much. Be willing to give it a try and see where it goes from there. I told my boyfriend about my child on our second date--he has always been cool about it and they get along really well. It always depends on the situation. Good luck!

[Lulu]

That is so cool. Good for you! I know a woman that is 40 and has been with a now 25 year old guy for going on five years!!! She has an eleven year old, too. It's working for them....you never know. My ex on the other hand is 32 and relates better these days to teenagers and 20 year olds than people in our age range.

Looking younger is good, but I also just worry that this guy is going to find out how old I really am and think that I am a wierdo for wanting to date someone as young as him in the first place! What if THAT happens!