advice for cheater

[initforthelong]

hey girls.

so i want to ask you something, basically i kissed another girl when i was overseas and thats all (i swear) i was drunk and in a club, im not making excuses just setting the scene. Anyway i got out of there once i realise what i had done. Ive never instantly felt so lost and angry it was the most overwhelming feeling ive ever had. Anyway the next morning i told my gf over the phone what happened. She didnt want to talk much so i booked flights right there and flew home 2 weeks early from my trip to try save our relationship.

She is a very strong, morally correct and stubborn girl. Three traits which i love about her but three that worked against me in this respect. We are still very upset by the breakup and its been 10 months. She says she loves me still and wishes she could have forgiven me. I know she has hooked up with other guys and i have hooked up since aswell, but i'm not interested in other girls at all, it was more in an effort to shift my mind and move on, but it failed to work. ive tried not texting or calling but one of us always does.

I know she loves me, and i love her with everything i have. I wish this never had happened, maybe now i wish i never told her, but it didnt sit right with me so i told her anyway.

What i want to know is, how can i prove to her i love her still and wouldnt let anything like this happen again? Is it just time ? or is it really just all over?

Has anyone been in this situation?

I cant go on like this.

thanks all.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah, me.

I forgave him twice and after he cried his eyes out saying he was sorry, it wouldn't happen again, it was me he loved, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah......

Forgave him and what do ya know.....he did it again.

Which is why and if I was your gf, I wouldn't let you lick my boots!! Sorry

[initforthelong]

thanks for your response. I guess the one positive thing is that you gave him another chance, in fact two chances. What was it that made you give him these chances?

[xxazurexx]

thanks for your response. I guess the one positive thing is that you gave him another chance, in fact two chances. What was it that made you give him these chances?

Probably because I was a 'dumb ass' back then, which I no longer am.

I guess I loved him and had a reason to stay, we were married. Although I have been in a situation also where I was cheated on and we weren't married and I forgave him too. I guess and because of life experience, I am of the mindset 'once a cheater, always a cheater'....which is why I now no longer tolerate any situation where I felt betrayed or disrespected and I'd be gone shit hot! You wouldn't get a second chance and because I gave ample chances in the past....and got it thrown back in my face.

I guess some people will give second chances and because they still love you. People do make mistakes, we are only human after all and some people are forgiving. They come back and hoping it was a mistake on your part and they place their trust in you that it won't happen again. It's down to you and to try not to repeat those same mistakes.

[initforthelong]

im sorry to hear you have had to put up with this more than once! and especially when you were married. If i could be so bold to ask, but was the cheating an affair or a one time thing? i guess the reason i ask is because i kissed this girl and had no prior or aft relations with her, i guess that is why i am so angry with myself because it was so stupid. Its easy to sit and write but i can honestly say this will be the first and last time i ever cheat. i have broken something amazing and shattered a girls trust in me.

[xxazurexx]

im sorry to hear you have had to put up with this more than once! and especially when you were married. If i could be so bold to ask, but was the cheating an affair or a one time thing? i guess the reason i ask is because i kissed this girl and had no prior or aft relations with her, i guess that is why i am so angry with myself because it was so stupid. Its easy to sit and write but i can honestly say this will be the first and last time i ever cheat. i have broken something amazing and shattered a girls trust in me.

The first two times he'd cheated, were 'one night stands'. He didn't know them beforehand nor continued anything after. He claimed nothing had happened sexually with either of them, just kissed them. Whether that was true or not, I will never know and I don't really care now because it was a few years ago.

The fact he'd just kissed them, had been enough to piss me off, but it wasn't enough for me to want to leave. Like I said, I was married, we had a daughter.

Third time he cheated, this was actually an affair that had been going for a full 3 months and behind my back. He actually walked out on me, but even so and if he hadn't walked, I would have been the one to walk.

Like you, he'd said the previous two were mistakes that he never intended to repeat. Claimed he hated cheaters and cheating and because his mum had cheated on his dad when he was younger and he could remember his dad crying every night!

Nothing in life is predictable and I personally wouldn't take that chance anymore with, or forgive someone who betrayed me once.

People can make choices in life, it's if you can stick to those choices and resist temptations placed in your way.

It's easy to say you would, sometimes not easy to do....but we still have a choice.

[Gigabitch]

Trust is precious and you broke it. You did the right thing by telling her, and if anything, that could be the start of rebuilding, but it sounds to me like she just can't. You can't do it for her, unfortunately. Nothing you can do will change her mind- she has to want to forgive you herself.

[lifeistooshort]

Hi
I have just read your post, and trust me, I do NOT agree with cheating, but you seem like a decent guy. The fact that you told your g/f about the kiss (if it really just was a kiss), and you cut short your trip by two weeks to save your relationship speaks volumes. Do you think your g/f believes you when you said it was just a kiss? If this is one off thing that has never happened before, then personally (my opinion only), I think your g/f is being unreasonable. If a kiss can kill your relationship, then I would ask myself, was it really worth that much anyway? I have been cheated on, and it really is the worst thing ever....when I say cheated, I mean b/f had affair... not just drunken kiss. I hope your g/f realises that you are a good guy, because there are not many of you about. If you do get back with your girlfriend, remember how hurt she was when you told her about your kiss, and please don't hurt her again. Hope this helps.

[lilly1185]

Honestly, if they've "hooked up",
drunk or no that was testing the waters for herself. She probably felt immense guilt about it later, because she's still attached, but wasn't sure if she could handle it.

They might have been "farewell" hook ups, too.

If she's already looking at other men, I'm sad to say there isn't much you can do.
Maybe a few Love Gestures,
but that hurt and distrust will always be there.
Some women have moral guns that they stick too really hard, no matter how unreasonable it seems.

This may just be to serve you a life lesson, but holy cow don't ever pit yourself in a scenario where you could potentially hurt someone you care about. Are the risks really worth it?

If she's being unclear, tell her straight forward, you need to know if you still have a chance with her.
If she doesn't give you a response or flip-flops, walk away. Cut off all contact.
If she comes to you, give it a go. If you hear nothing, move on and distract yourself.

[initforthelong]

Thanks all for your replies. And just to clarify yes it was just a kiss. Confuses me
still how I let it happen. The whole trip the boys were like 'what happens on tour, stays on tour" and each time I said I'm not cheating guys, I'm here to hang out with you dudes. Ohwell, I guess I'll have to let life play it's course for a while

[lahnnabell]

The thing you also need to understand is that she will most likely NEVER completely trust you around women again. You will have to know and understand this through and through. She will ask you about your female friends. She will ask you of your whereabouts. She will expect that you give this information willingly, without question, without whining. If you fail to do this, it could put you back at square one. Are you prepared to give up an indefinite amount of your personal freedom and privacy for this girl? If not, you need to walk away now.

[IndiReloaded]

It doesn't matter if its 'just a kiss'. The punishment for cheating needs to be much worse than the actual cheating or its an invitation to do it again. You deserved to be dumped. Whether you deserve forgiveness will depend on how hard you are prepared to hustle for it. Dance little cheater! Good luck.

[workoutgirl1970]

I think that everyone including your ex are being too hard on you. It was just a kiss, is it cheating, sort of. Would I want it done to me, no of course not. Have I ever in situations where the thought crossed my mind to do it, hell yeah but I refrained. We are all human and all make mistakes. She needs to realize that that is all it was and see the effort that you are making, granted she may not let you forget it but in time she will move on, or not. It would be difficult to resist a good looking drunk sailor so I can be on your side in this one! I also have a weakness for soldiers myself, back in the day before I was married anyway.