How many times do I have to say no...

[lilly1185]

For the record, if this hasn't be covered, the "His responsibility, my responsibility" thing is bullshit.

It's YOUR body, and YOUR job to respect and take care of it.

[Incognito]

........If that makes me stupid in your eyes, I don't care. I'm going to go on being well f*cked and taken care of by my man as long as he doesn't mess it up.

Well f*cked? Funny, I thought this guy couldn't please you in addition to being irresponsible about condom use. I seriously doubt that if he made a full 180 degree turn like that so quickly that he will keep doing these things. I'd fully expect him to go back to being unconcerned with your sexual satisfaction, insisting on sex when you say no, and "forgetting" the condoms. You should expect this too and be ready to dump him when it happens.

[Aeradalia]

The shear speed of partner swapping is what gets me. I doubt I could toss one guy from the bed to make room for the next in a matter of days or weeks.

Perhaps I'm too old fashioned, but I'd rather screen men in other areas than the groin area -- starting with their brains.

If I don't like the way they think, then I certainly don't want them anywhere near my body.

But I'm just weird like that.

[Incognito]

Some would call that weird, but I think its called common sense and decency. It seems those things are in short supply these days. This thread was moreso focused on LailaK's current boyfriend though, not a complaint about a random partner.

[lahnnabell]

I'm interested to see if this guy upholds his end of the bargain... In my experience, it only lasts so long before the guy is right back to exhibiting his childish behavior again. I'm well-past the point where I'm gonna hold someone's hand while they uproot their being and "make changes". If they can't instinctively understand how to be a decent person most of the time, I'm not gonna stick around. That kind of adjustment takes too long and I've got better things to do than play psuedo-therapist.

[vashti]

For the record, if this hasn't be covered, the "His responsibility, my responsibility" thing is bullshit.

It's YOUR body, and YOUR job to respect and take care of it.

I think we are the only two people on the forum who feel that LailaK played any role whatsoever in this guy having sex with her.

[Incognito]

Hmmm, that has been overshadowed by her boyfriend's stupidity and selfishness. I thought that she said that she wouldn't let it happen again though. I thought that she said "no condom, no sex". Maybe I'm wrong?

[lilly1185]

I think we are the only two people on the forum who feel that LailaK played any role whatsoever in this guy having sex with her.

I thought that was called rape if she DIDN'T want it?

Then hopefully, he wouldn't be a boyfriend anymore, but a convict!

[LailaK]

Stop being a jerkface. What part of "It was stupid of me..." and "I'm mad at myself for giving in.." is beyond your reading comprehension? I didn't blame him for me giving in, I told him I wasn't going to be in a relationship unless he showed me some respect by pitching in with condoms and taking care of my needs sexually. If he didn't like those conditions he could take a hike and if he doesn't live up to his end of the bargain I will.

You're man is lucky that all he has to do is roll up to your house and put it in. That he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his own sexual health. Good for you guys. I require a show of responsibility. It turns me on and gets me hot and without it sex is a no go. To each his own.

Learn how to read and stop being so damn rude. No where did I say that my boyfriend raped or forced me into anything. You're f*cking sick.

[LailaK]

To everyone else, I'll admit that I too have my suspicions that he will return to his selfish sexual ways but so far he's been keeping me happy. We've both been a lot more open about our sexual needs and fantasies so I think that might be helping as well. I personally hope this is a long term fix because he was always a great boyfriend outside of the bedroom. We'll see!

[lilly1185]

Stop being a jerkface. What part of "It was stupid of me..." and "I'm mad at myself for giving in.." is beyond your reading comprehension? I didn't blame him for me giving in, I told him I wasn't going to be in a relationship unless he showed me some respect by pitching in with condoms and taking care of my needs sexually. If he didn't like those conditions he could take a hike and if he doesn't live up to his end of the bargain I will.

You're man is lucky that all he has to do is roll up to your house and put it in. That he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his own sexual health. Good for you guys. I require a show of responsibility. It turns me on and gets me hot and without it sex is a no go. To each his own.

Learn how to read and stop being so damn rude. No where did I say that my boyfriend raped or forced me into anything. You're f*cking sick.

That was the short side of retarded.
Don't be hypocritical.

It was stated "If he HAD FORCED you, THEN IT WOULD BE rape."

And while we're on reading comprehension, I understand you wrote "You're man..." however, I assume you meant "Your man..."
though, it does read "You are man..." in the long run. But we'll run with "Your man..."

My man knows damn well no raincoat, no joyride. I take responsibility and keep them on me, so if the mood strikes and he's out, we're still good to go. I also know to get tested to ensure that my health is on stream. In addition, I've been pretty lucky to have boyfriends I can trust, so even if condoms are missing, I know putting his penis in my mouth isn't going to equate in herpes.

Now lets take a trip aaaaaaallllllllllll the way back to what I originally said:
"Your body your responsibility."

If he isn't pitching in, and it's a deal breaker for you, stop whining about it and break the deal.
He's only acting sweet because you've shown him:
"If I bug you enough, I get what I want.
When you get mad at me, all I have to do is suck up."

Quit being immature,
deal with reality, and stick to your guns. If you don't,
well duh. You'll get taken advantage of.

Oh and hey, while we're throwing out topics:
If you don't communicate to him "Hey I'd like to..."
then he'll just assume you cum from sucking him off.
Don't do that. If you can't TALK about sex, including the fine details therein, don't HAVE sex.

[LailaK]

Thanks for the grammar lesson.

I don't need a sex lesson or a sex communication lesson. You're harping on the fact that I gave in once. I've made it ver clear that giving in was my fault and it won't happen again so you can stop harping. I made it very clear to my bf that there would never be a repeat and if he continued to come to my house without condoms I'm going to take it as a sign of disrespect and we won't be together. I could get condoms and make everything easier for him, but I need him to show me right now that he respects me. If he doesn't like that, he doesn't have to date me.

I thought really hard about whether or not I was going to take him back at all. I ended up deciding that people make mistakes and some deserve second chances to show that they can do better. I'll probably make a mistake sometime in my relationship. I hope he gives me a second chance if this happens. If he's only acting sweet, we'll see, but if I lead with that attitude of "You messed up once, you're out" I'll never be in a long term relationship unless I meet a perfect guy.

I'm not being immature. Stop making assumptions that don't make sense. Scratch that. Make as many assumptions as you want. You don't have to be rude as you do so.

[lilly1185]

Thanks for the grammar lesson.

I don't need a sex lesson or a sex communication lesson. You're harping on the fact that I gave in once. I've made it ver clear that giving in was my fault and it won't happen again so you can stop harping. I made it very clear to my bf that there would never be a repeat and if he continued to come to my house without condoms I'm going to take it as a sign of disrespect and we won't be together. I could get condoms and make everything easier for him, but I need him to show me right now that he respects me. If he doesn't like that, he doesn't have to date me.

I thought really hard about whether or not I was going to take him back at all. I ended up deciding that people make mistakes and some deserve second chances to show that they can do better. I'll probably make a mistake sometime in my relationship. I hope he gives me a second chance if this happens. If he's only acting sweet, we'll see, but if I lead with that attitude of "You messed up once, you're out" I'll never be in a long term relationship unless I meet a perfect guy.

I'm not being immature. Stop making assumptions that don't make sense. Scratch that. Make as many assumptions as you want. You don't have to be rude as you do so.

Only giving what I get.

I'm not walking around calling people "jerkface" and mangling sentences.

I didn't tell you to break up with him either, but I recognise patterned behaviour when I see it.
When you've decided "No condoms, no sex," then HAVE sex, mistake once or not, it sets in place a pattern, which he'll eventually try to test down the road.
"Deal breakers" are how people clarify what they want from their s/o.

You don't have to find the perfect guy, but you shouldn't have to bend on exactly what you want either.
And when you walk into forums, don't expect everyone to coddle you. Sometimes, advice isn't meant to make you feel better.

To be fair:

@Lahnna: It does bother me that he doesn't seem willing to go down on me. In all fairness, I haven't asked him to, but I've never had to ask other guys before. Usually guys just do it. I think he might just be bad at sex or clueless. I keep flip flopping on whether or not I want to teach him. Outside of the bedroom he's a great guy. In the bedroom he's a little dull and clueless. I'm at a very pivotal point where I'm not invested or attached yet. If I want to get out without any heartache or messiness the time is now.

You've not communicated that you wanted it, and some men are absolutely clueless. Maybe not a lesson, but a reminder.

[dono01]

i = i + 1

__________

[Aeradalia]

Why put forth so much time and effort for an end result you'll never be happy with?

Even if he acts like a good little boy and does what you ask, you'll always be wondering if he's doing it out of respect or just for the sake of getting in your pants.

If you want respect, find it in a man who shows respect from the very beginning... otherwise you're just a nagging piece of meat.


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Btw... are you with someone new or did you resume your relationship with the other guy?... because your update and then the information shortly thereafter contradicts each other.