Why am I always in the wrong?

[therealjag]

Hey there,

I am in the middle of an arguement with my girlfriend, again! and i'm about to bloody apologise to her again for me being me.

Basically its long distance relationship right now so we spend every weekend together or sometimes during the weekday she'll come down to see me or i'll go see her if i have holidays from work. This friday I have a works night and then sat sun I will be spending with my family as it has been 5 weeks since i've been back home and i've missed a lot of work nights out to spend with my gf. i really want to go this time as it could mean we wouldnt have to be long distance anymore because I could end up getting a job back home through meeting people at this work night out.

anyway, shes all upset because of this but i dont see why. well i can see why but its only 1 weekend and every other weekend i spend it with her 99% of the time so why is she so upset?

also last night a couple of geeks from work planned a iron man movie night since he has a home cinema system and iron man 2 is coming out soon. I said to her I'm going and she asked me not to go because she said there would be girls there(there was only 1 girl there, my mates gf and thats it)...I wasnt asking for her permission i was just telling her im going but what right does she have to tell me not to go - its not like i'm going to a strip club, its just a couple of work colleagues watching a movie - no beer involved! (these are different work guys to the work night out im going to - thats back home).

anyway she got even more upset about this and then when we talked at night on the phone she kept going on about other guys and how theres no talent at her college and how her ex could win her over again. and saying if i had to choose between sharing her with one of her exes which would i choose and why...i swear man when she says that stuff i want to just never talk to her ever again! :@

what should i do next?

Jag

[sehvral]

Well, I wouldn't say you are in the wrong.

She should understand the reason for the "work night" and encourage it. And she can NOT get mad at you for wanting to see your family. Yes, she misses seeing you, but still...

As far as the movie night, stand your ground. She has no right to expect you to never be around other women. You aren't going to strip clubs, you aren't getting trashed at a club, you're watching a movie with some friends.

When she started that choosing-the-ex chat, I'd have said something to the effect of "ask me that again, and they can have you all to themselves" and ended the phone call. She is lonely and wants to hear how much you love her, but she is doing it in a very childish way.

I don't see anything to apologize for, assuming you haven't left anything out of this story. You weren't in the wrong, from what I can tell, and you need to stick to your guns.

[therealjag]

hey there

thanks for replying. The reason she says she does that stuff is because she claims im not emotional enough anymore and that i dont care about her as much as i used to. its true that i used to show more care and love towards her but i always felt like i wasnt getting it back in return, and at times when like i wanted to go do family stuff or spend time with friends she would always punish me for it by being mean to me so over time i've had enough and keep withdrawing from her - i dont do it on purpose its just i cant help it, i feel so annoyed towards her all the time for not understanding.

i told her this but she just replied saying its just another excuse and if thats the way i feel then shes gona start withdrawing from me and not hug or kiss me anymore and not show emotions towards me anymore.

a lot of the times i want to just bloody end the relationship cos its very draining sometimes...but for i just cant let her go and still care about her, and if i ever do try to end things she uses emotional blackmail to make me stay in the relationship so its not even worth my time going down that route.

[vashti]

I don't see this relationship ending well. She sounds like a manipulative, needy brat. My guess is that you have indulged her for too long. I suggest you start putting your foot down, or she is going to make you miserable. Go to your friend's house, and go visit your family. She needs to learn she is not the center of the universe.

[therealjag]

Yeah..its like before all i ever do is try to make her happy but whenever i want to do something that makes me happy she never agree's and then says that i dont care about her etc cos i'm doing something that conflicts with what she wants. she always then ends up sayings its cos i dont love her enough etc etc and then i become the fall guy cos it feels like im the one doing something wrong.

Nowadays I have been putting my foot down and so when i do want things my way she just moans or cries about it and im at the stage where im sick of it.

She does have quite a big ego, and i think its cos everyone since she was young always tells her how sweet and pretty and loving she is and i dno but maybe cos of that shes always felt like the centre of the universe. also shes also had a lot of ex's who still want her back and druel over her...i think just because i'm not like that and i've not got her up on a mantlepiece in my mind she doesnt like and punishes me for it by not making her feel like shes the queen of the world basically. I'm sorry but i just think people who think like that are too egotistical and have low self esteem cos they cant see within themselves as to how great they are and need other people to make them feel a certain way.

I think i've rambled on quite a bit here - dont really know if that last paragraph makes sense but im just venting! Thanks

[Incognito]

Well therealjag you know what you should do, I know what you should do, in fact EVERYONE knows what you should do. You're in a long distance relationship with a manipulative, naive, self centered, needy, insecure GIRL. You need to end it. Things are not going to get better and from the sounds of it she may end up cheating on you eventually if you stick to your guns about doing things for yourself. I mean really, who says "which one my exes would you like to share me with"? No one needs that type of foolishness. Break her heart in the worst way, savor the moment that she realizes that she isn't the center of the universe and is being utterly rejected, and then move on. The worse you break her the less likely she'll try to manipulate you into staying because she won't want to continue. You'll then be able to find a WOMAN who knows how the world really works and what a relationship should be.

[dono01]

She kinda sound like a manipulative spoiled bitch. I would get rid of her asap man.

[therealjag]

yeah i tried to end it a few times....shes tried suicide a couple of times because i tried to end it and its stopped me from doing so...bloody feelings!


ah its long distance anyway so i'll see what happens...might not be able to move back home anyway so when i find out for sure i'll take it from there.

[xxazurexx]

^^ I couldn't be with someone who blackmailed me with suicide attempts, nor feel I owed it to someone and to be with them and because I fear they may committ suicide.
If I want out, I'm gone.....what you do afterwards is your choice.

She sounds clingy, controlling, needy, manipulative, selfish.....mentally unstable! I'd be scared to be with someone, who possessed so many ugly traits.

You come across as a nice guy. Don't you feel that you deserve a decent woman who would treat you better?

[therealjag]

Hey there,

Yeah true, I would like to be with someone who treats me better, its not doing my self esteem any good being in a relationship like this. But God i dunno, I just cant help it I love her alot and it guess its cos when the good times are good they're really good. Maybe cos its the first time i've been in love aswell makes it worse for me cos i feel like i'll never get a love like this again and tbh I dont really know if I want to.

Maybe its cos my star sign is Cancer - I hear we have a lot of difficulty in letting things go!

[Incognito]

Here's what you do.... tell her family that she has been unstable and that you're about to break up with her in a few minutes. Tell them that last time you attempted to end it that she threatened suicide. Then break her heart. After that its not your problem. You could also have the police standing by in case she starts talking about suicide. They'd arrest her and take her to a hospital for mental evaluation. Bottom line.....GET OUT.

[xxazurexx]

Hey there,

Yeah true, I would like to be with someone who treats me better, its not doing my self esteem any good being in a relationship like this. But God i dunno, I just cant help it I love her alot and it guess its cos when the good times are good they're really good. Maybe cos its the first time i've been in love aswell makes it worse for me cos i feel like i'll never get a love like this again and tbh I dont really know if I want to.

Maybe its cos my star sign is Cancer - I hear we have a lot of difficulty in letting things go!

But you WILL meet someone else and most likely go on to better women than she will ever hope to be lol.
Crikey, let's face it, you WON'T meet much worse than her

When I first saw your other thread about her, the one in regard to her not understanding your financial situation, I could see it from both sides and could sympathise with both sides. You and because although you wanted to see her, you have financial obigations you have to meet and hers because I have been in her shoes and in the long distance scenario.

This recent thread of yours however, reveals that you are indeed caught up in something that is unhealthy and with someone who just doesn't sound stable and needs help.

She doesn't like the fact that you are going to a works do.
She doesn't like the fact that you want to spend time with your family.
She doesn't want you to watch a movie with friends.
Doesn't understand that you have financial oblgations and can't afford to see her every weekend.
Uses her ex boyfriends to hit back at you, plants thoughts into your head that she will go back to her exes and when she doesn't get her own selfish way.
Suicide attempts and when you have tried to break things off with her in the past.

In short and if you don't dance to her tune, she punishes. She doesn't want you to have a life, other than her. A 'control freak' supreme!

My God, DON'T ever marry her! Unless you want to be kept under house arrest and for the rest of your life.

[cmacattack1]

It sounds like she hates being in a long distance relationship but will kill herself if you break up with her? Mentally unstable is right, to say the least.

Break ups are tough to do cold turkey right off the bat. You have to build up your tolerance a few times right? When they are crying and you are feeling guilty for doing it, it's like she is on fire and you just want to put her out...

[therealjag]

Hey people,

yeah i know she does seem mentally unstable..i feel like a lot of the times that I'm dealing with a kid. She even admits that she likes acting like a kid sometimes and doesnt want to grow up! I like acting immature too for fun, but when things get serious and its time to talk about real life situations then she still acts like a kid.

I talked to her on the phone last night and said to her that I cant deal with trying to make you happy cos you never want to do anything to make me happy. Then I told her how immature she was acting but i tried to do it in a sublte way but im not too sure really how she took it. I also told her if she wants to go with her ex then she might aswell cos being with me isn't making her happy so she might aswell do that if it makes her happier.

I'll see how she is today...but I totally see what cmacattack1 said,

When they are crying and you are feeling guilty for doing it, it's like she is on fire and you just want to put her out...

I always feel like that whenever I've broke up with her in the past and it makes me weak and end up giving into her pleading...I just wish just once she could accept the breakup attempts in the past and then we could both move on, but instead we're just always stuck in this consant rut.

[xxazurexx]

What was she like and when you were not long distance?