Confused, scared and have nobody to turn to about this.

[Mike T]

First of all, hello! Just registered to the site and I've been looking around the forums for someone with similar problems, not finding it I chose to post a new thread. Here goes:

I've been recently talking a lot to this girl who's my parents friends daughter. We've known each other for many many years. Recently her bf broke up with her and after that I've been trying to cheer her up as the good soul I am. There is an age gap between us, I'm soon to be 23 and she's soon to be 17. I took her to the movies last week and it was nice, then she started texting me a lot. She was the one suggesting we should hang out together and after that she was more or less hinting that I should ask her to go do something. Yesterday we were texting to each other a lot, talking school and random stuff. Then in the afternoon she started texting me she was bored and obviously hinting that she wanted to do so. Well I asked if she wanted to go out for a walk and she agreed.

During this evening I was kind of feeling a bit funny about her, she's very mature for her age and very very kind. And I even heard from reliable sources that she likes me but I wasn't thinking of it like that. Anyway, we were up late and talking and playing games and I realised she moved closer and close to my head. Then we were face to face with each other and I was really shaking in my entire body. I've never had a serious relationship before, I've always liked to be alone and being afraid of being hurt ones more. I almost kissed her but there was two things stopping me: first I'm scared of what to come if I do so and secondly she's almost 6 years younger then me. We were just a few inches from each other and she was really obviously wanting me to take that final step. Thankfully something came in the way and I was able to "escape" the situation.

Now I've been sleepless all night, shaking and not knowing what to do. She texted me a lot after this, saying she was sleepless and as I replied I was too she started asking why and trying to find out my feelings, which I'm not sure of. I cannot express my feelings that well and now I don't know what to do anymore.

I guess I'm mostly afraid of things to come but I never ever want to hurt this girl. I cannot say if I love her but I know I care for her, very much.

For every minute that passes by now I feel more and more scared. What should I tell her? What should I do? I really don't have anyone to turn to now for support. I feel the age gap is pretty big, I'm afraid of what others might think while I know this shouldn't stop me, it does.

Any suggestion, advice or reply is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[therealjag]

you should just tell her straight that you had a feeling that you really wanted to kiss her that night. but then if she agree's and says the same you should tell her that you're concerned about the age gap so you's should take it slow. also you should also tell her from the beginning that if the age gap thing and other factors got too much to handle that you would have to break it off and just remain mates.

that way if down the line you do decide you want to be friends again or break it off then you wont feel bad about doing it as you've already explained the situation to her....

but if you think your friendship is more important then dont kiss her and tell her you just want to remain friends and not loose what you have cos ifyou's get together and breakup you might not be able to be friends afterwards...

[Incognito]

Here in the US one is considered "legal" at age 18. What is the age that someone legally becomes an adult in your country?

[Gigabitch]

I think you should ask your parents what they would think if you started dating her.

[vashti]

I think you should ask your parents what they would think if you started dating her.

Yes, and hers, too. ^^

For the record, I would normally automatically discourage this entirely, except for the fact you are Israeli, and I know the kids there generally grow up a hell of a lot faster than in the states.

[Peter Pry]

Here in the US one is considered "legal" at age 18.

For the sake of accuracy, I am compelled to point out that only 12 of the 50 states set the age of consent at 18, and all but three of those have close-in-age exceptions. The majority of states set it at 16. Indeed, in your own state of Maryland, the age of consent is 16 with 4-year close-in-age exceptions for sex with 14- and 15-year olds. And as to the question of this thread, no civilized country has laws against kissing 17-year olds.

My personal feeling is that a 6-year age gap is not that much; my parents are separated by that much and met not much later than the OP's situation. The issue is the different stages of life that a 23-year old and a 17-year old are typically in. But if there is chemistry.... *shrug* then there is chemistry. I would not put artificial barriers in the way of love. Life is too short.

[Incognito]

Thank you Peter Pry for that information. I constantly see people in the news who are being prosecuted for having sex with someone who "is under 18". Perhaps 18 is only the society's acceptable age (in my region). I was rather surprised to see the varying ages of consent through the states. Most were 14-16.

[Peter Pry]

I constantly see people in the news who are being prosecuted for having sex with someone who "is under 18".

It turns out that California is the state with the strictest age of consent law of them all, and that is where all the TV comes from

[Gigabitch]

For the sake of accuracy, I am compelled to point out that only 12 of the 50 states set the age of consent at 18, and all but three of those have close-in-age exceptions. The majority of states set it at 16. Indeed, in your own state of Maryland, the age of consent is 16 with 4-year close-in-age exceptions for sex with 14- and 15-year olds. And as to the question of this thread, no civilized country has laws against kissing 17-year olds.

My personal feeling is that a 6-year age gap is not that much; my parents are separated by that much and met not much later than the OP's situation. The issue is the different stages of life that a 23-year old and a 17-year old are typically in. But if there is chemistry.... *shrug* then there is chemistry. I would not put artificial barriers in the way of love. Life is too short.

Peter, many of those states, like Texas, limit this to partners within three years of the age of the minor in question. For instance, it's okay for a 16-year-old to have sex with a 19-year-old, but not a 59-year-old. A six year age gap wouldn't fly.

[xxazurexx]

I don't think it's something that would be frowned on in the UK.
Legal age to have sex is 16....but we are not adults until we are 18.

I don't view it as being that big of an age gap. I guess if my daughter was 17 and she met some 23 year old guy, it wouldn't bother me. If he was a 33 year old guy or older, then yeah I'd have a problem.

I agree with what Jag said also.

[vashti]

I guess if my daughter was 17 and she met some 23 year old guy, it wouldn't bother me..

It wouldn't? It would bother me.

[the_robot]

It wouldn't? It would bother me.

Even if that 23 yo was me?

[xxazurexx]

It wouldn't? It would bother me.

Nope, it honestly wouldn't bother me. To me, it's a relationship combining late teens, early twenties and there isn't that much of a difference between these periods.

When he's 34, she would be 28. When he's 38, she would be 32....it's not that huge a gap IMO.

Any older, as in a 25+ guy with a 17 year old female and then I'd be unhappy.

[xxazurexx]

Some guys of 23 aren't really that mature anyway....girls mature a lot faster, some anyway.

[Incognito]

LOL, I'm glad that you added that....."some"