Ex Acting Absolutely Irrational....

[shecaughtstars]

So my ex and I broke up about a year ago. I stopped talking to him for a while because he was a massive d*ck about something serious that happened in my life. Finally, I forgave him, but I'm really regretting it.

We moved to the same city again and I tried to get in contact with him. It was like I had to chase him down to see him and when I confronted him about it, he got a bit angry. So finally, we met. Things were great...actually off the charts. Total chemistry and we had a lot of fun. He then invited me out the next night and we made plans to do other things.

We were texting back and forth for a while, and then I asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits. He said he was attracted to me and there was definite chemistry between us, but he didn't think it was a good idea. He misinterprets things very easily, so I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship with him.

Later, I invited him over and he didn't respond so I assumed he was busy. I asked again and he got really angry with me and told me I was annoying him a little bit because he wasn't ready to be friends with me...but he worded it like it was my fault I didn't know he wasn't ready. He wanted things to happen "naturally". I told him I can't read his mind and if he's not ready, he's not ready, but I feel like I'm chasing him down to hang out and things aren't going to happen naturally unless you hang out. He then responded telling me, basically, that he hasn't reached out to me because all we have is based on our past as bf/gf and I'm not the first person he reaches out to anymore, making it seem like he doesn't even want to be friends with me. So I asked him why he would invite me places if he doesn't even want to be friends with me. He never responded.

We have a close mutual friend who sometimes tries to bring me up, but he won't talk to her about it. He used to when we were together, but now he won't. He acts like it's this huge sore subject and changes the subject--but the truth is, he was the one who was an a** about everything. We broke up mutually and he couldn't be there when I needed him, but now somehow I'm this terribly sore subject.

It's really bothering me. I know I should just "get over it"--but it hurts.

[sehvral]

Honestly, I don't think it is the ex acting irrationally, here.

You confronted him for avoiding you (which is what exes usually do), then suggested being a booty call. I'm not sure he misinterpreted anything. I think he knows full well being **** buddies with an ex always leads to something else.

Sounds like you are a sore subject. He's trying to move on, but you're dredging up a bad memory from the past (that is, the memory of how much of a dick he was). The chemistry is still there, but so is the bad memory. He's clearly not comfortable with it, so I'd leave him alone, and find someone else to be a FWB.

[shecaughtstars]

I guess I wasn't clear when I meant to say that I was avoiding him for a long period of time and then when we hashed it out, it was his idea to get together in the first place (and he mentioned it several times)...but I had to put the plan into action. Like I said, after we hung out, he invited me out again a few times, but then got mad at me for trying to continue hanging out because he "wasn't ready".

I don't want to be FWB with him if he doesn't want to...but I'm just super annoyed at the way he's acting...like it's my fault. And he's being rude about it.

[sehvral]

I guess I wasn't clear when I meant to say that I was avoiding him for a long period of time and then when we hashed it out, it was his idea to get together in the first place (and he mentioned it several times)...but I had to put the plan into action. Like I said, after we hung out, he invited me out again a few times, but then got mad at me for trying to continue hanging out because he "wasn't ready".

I don't want to be FWB with him if he doesn't want to...but I'm just super annoyed at the way he's acting...like it's my fault. And he's being rude about it.

I'm a bit confused. You initially said "We moved to the same city again and I tried to get in contact with him. It was like I had to chase him down to see him and when I confronted him about it, he got a bit angry."
Who was avoiding whom? That makes it sound like he didn't want to hash things out at all and was trying to avoid you.

I still think he is just trying to move on. He has feelings for you, which explains why you got together a few times. But the feelings aren't what they used to be, so he doesn't want to continue. That he avoids talking about you with the mutual friend probably means it is a part of his past he'd rather not dwell on.

I'd imagine he's being rude because he wants to push you away.

[shecaughtstars]

Sorry, I wasn't clear. He wanted to talk to me for a while and I pushed him away because he really dropped the ball in our friendship. I contacted him to talk to him about it and he wanted to talk and even suggested calling me. I made plans to move to the same city as him again (we lived in different cities the whole time we were broken up for work) and he suggested we hang out. Then I felt like I had to chase him down to get him to hang out, even though he had suggested it in the first place. Finally we did, started texting again, and then he invited me out a couple of times. When I asked him if he wanted to go out this past weekend, he got angry with me and said I was pushing the friends thing too hard when he wasn't ready. I told him it was unfair to get angry with me about something he never communicated (as in, why invite me out if you're not interested in hanging out with me?)...that if he's not ready that's fine, but he needs to tell me. He then started talking about how we're in different places and he just doesn't have the instinct to see me since we're not friends...which to me doesn't make sense. Why would he suggest hanging out again and invite me out if he doesn't have the "instinct" to be friends with me? You either want to hang out with someone or you don't. You're ready or you're not. There's no in between. I feel like he's getting mad at me for something that's his issue.

[lahnnabell]

Sometimes people mention hanging out or getting together as a nice way to pacify the other person. He may have had no real intentions of getting together with you really soon. Hence his avoiding you and you trying to "track him down". I think you should have just left it alone. If a guy wants to hang out with you, he will find you. You pushed it because you felt insecure about the situation.

His avoiding you was his passive-aggressive way of showing you he wasn't ready. I don't think he expected you to go to great lengths to hunt him down.

You both played hot and cold. You avoided him and pushed him away for a while. Maybe he was irritated and wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine? It's immature, but it's highly plausible. You need to move on though. He's your ex for a reason and you guys doing this little dance is clearly only dredging up the reasons you broke up in the first place.

[shecaughtstars]

You guys may be right, but it didn't make sense for him to call me after I started talking to him again or to invite me out on his own accord....or continue to suggest we do this again. He could've just said nothing.

[shecaughtstars]

When I was pursuing him to hang out with him, I told him straight up that if he didn't want to hang out with me for any reason, he could just tell me and I wouldn't bother him. Then he got angry at me for suggesting that he was avoiding me.

[xxazurexx]

I think you should give him space and leave him alone, rather than try to force yourself onto him and into things he obviously isn't ready for and despite him having hung out with you.

Just because he may have hung out once or twice, doesn't mean he may constantly want to hang out with you.

[sehvral]

If I'm reading the post right, you two haven't hung out since you suggested being a booty call, right? If that's the case, it explains why he stopped. He recognized that you are after something more, and he doesn't want it. He tested the waters at first, was fine with being friends, but didn't want anything more.

[shecaughtstars]

I guess. I apologized for making things awkward and he said I definitely didn't...he just got mad when I invited him over.

[starbuck]

I don't think he's acting irrationally. You seem to have the assumption that since he was an ass during your breakup, that somehow he should be grateful that you want to reconnect. It doesn't always work that way. Maybe your breakup made him realize that you weren't the right one for him? And now that you're coming back, he's conflicted.

I would leave him alone. Sounds like things are way too messy right now between the both of you for a reconnection to be possible. Give him some space. Tell him that you'd like to reconnect if he wants to and then let him initiate it. You're pushing too hard right now.

[shecaughtstars]

He doesn't have to be grateful, but he was acting so. I gave him plenty of opportunity to tell me he didn't want to see me. I asked him several times if he didn't want to see me, but he kept reassuring me that he did.

[chrisy]

Back off. The guy tried to be polite with you and yet you persisted. Don't get caught up in the "why" just leave him alone.

[shecaughtstars]

He called me a couple times and asked me out and sat with just me at a party, even when i told him to go be with his friends. I don't think it was a one sided "polite" thing. If he hadn't wanted to see me in the first place, he wouldn't have suggested it or called me, especially when I asked him if he even wanted to see me....at least in my opinion.