How many times do I have to say no...

[doppelgaenger]

I knoooooooooooooow! I'm so pissed at myself. It was stupid, stupid, stupid.

Now I'm sitting here seriously ready to throw my relationship away. We don't fight, but I see us fighting a lot about this in the future and I'm not down with that. I'm mad at myself more than I'm mad at him.

Also, if I buy condoms it doesn't solve for the fact that he doesn't respect me. That's the real problem. There's also the problem that he's a selfish lover. I seem to care more about him getting his than he cares about me getting mine. This is a cluster f**k and I don't deal with drama. I'd rather fire him and move on to someone else.

Yes, stupid. Persistence is key.
Men know that no means yes. In other words, eventually you'll give in.

[SirWagginston]

Maybe he doesn't realize that morning after pills put stress on the body, causing negative side-effects. If that's the case, he would expect you to be willing to take them.

[lahnnabell]

Even still, she shouldn't have to check up on this guy to make sure he's got condoms ready AFTER she very precisely asked him to make it his responsibility to keep them handy. It's not like they had to go that long with using them either. She was willing to go sans-condom as soon as her BC kicked in. He's just lazy and careless.

[Olderandwiser49]

I always want to have sex. I have a very high sex drive. I rarely turn down sex unless it's a special case like this one where: I don't want to have a baby.

Now I'm pissed at my mother for having me 35 years too early!! When I was young, women wanted babies, but not sex! I have to say that wearing a condom is like taking a bath while wearing a wetsuit, but in this day of frequent partners and numerous diseases, any guy capable of getting an erection should carry them. As an aside, with respect to leaving you unsatisfied, you need to blame his parents, not him. I was taught that, in every aspect of life, it is always "Ladies First."

[SirWagginston]

Even still, she shouldn't have to check up on this guy to make sure he's got condoms ready AFTER she very precisely asked him to make it his responsibility to keep them handy. It's not like they had to go that long with using them either. She was willing to go sans-condom as soon as her BC kicked in. He's just lazy and careless.

I don't mean to disagree. I was just wondering at the root of his misbehavior, and where there would be misscommunication in identifying it.

[lahnnabell]

I don't mean to disagree. I was just wondering at the root of his misbehavior, and where there would be misscommunication in identifying it.

I gotcha I do the same thing. It always goes back to the parents.

[LailaK]

Well. Today he showed up at my house with flowers and one of my favorite movies (the hangover). When I opened my door he said, "I know I f**ked up, but I need you to know that I'll do anything if it means I can be with you. If you change your mind give me a call and we'll watch the movie together or something."

Then he walked away.

No guy has ever served up an apology like that to me before It's hard to be a hardass when he apologizes like that.

[Illusional]

with this in mind... he knows that he has the upper hand. being sweet is easy....

raverboy

[vashti]

Well. Today he showed up at my house with flowers and one of my favorite movies (the hangover). When I opened my door he said, "I know I f**ked up, but I need you to know that I'll do anything if it means I can be with you. If you change your mind give me a call and we'll watch the movie together or something."

Then he walked away.

No guy has ever served up an apology like that to me before It's hard to be a hardass when he apologizes like that.

I don't think you SHOULD be a hardass. Ultimately, you let him put his penis in your vagina.

Maybe he doesn't realize that morning after pills put stress on the body, causing negative side-effects. If that's the case, he would expect you to be willing to take them.

Those things cost a lot of money. It is unreasonable to expect a woman to use those as a primary form of birth control.

[dewilliams2]

Well. Today he showed up at my house with flowers and one of my favorite movies (the hangover). When I opened my door he said, "I know I f**ked up, but I need you to know that I'll do anything if it means I can be with you. If you change your mind give me a call and we'll watch the movie together or something."

Then he walked away.

No guy has ever served up an apology like that to me before It's hard to be a hardass when he apologizes like that.

I think you should give the guy another shot...I mean to not to really isn't fair...it isn't like what he did was something totally unforgivable and if he is a smart man he will have learned a lesson from this.

with this in mind... he knows that he has the upper hand. being sweet is easy....

raverboy

I disagree...I mean it is easy to be sweet but at the same time that doesn't mean that is apology isn't sincere...you can't really know for sure.

[Cbrider]

I'm also concerned about the fact that he "pressures" you to have sex. A respectful guy will back OFF.

Get rid of him.

There is your answer.

[doppelgaenger]

He's pullin that guilt trip over your eyes so he can get some more action.

[LailaK]

I don't think you SHOULD be a hardass. Ultimately, you let him put his penis in your vagina.

Who cares what I let him do? He's been a selfish lover in the past (ie unconcerned with my big o). If that doesn't change there's no point in continuing anything.

[lahnnabell]

This will hit him as a hard lesson. It sucks that you have to lose out as well, but from it sounds like you were losing out to begin with. He never even made a move to provide oral sex?

I will NOT ever date a man that is unwilling to go down on me. Plain and simple. I love getting my man off, and I need him to love getting me off just as much. I'm past the stage in my life where I want to educate a man on manners in the bedroom. Whether that be tongue technique or basic orgasm maintenance is irrelevant. If he lacks the basic sex experience necessary to get things rolling (i.e turn me on effectively), I don't want any part of it.

Laila, if you feel up to it, you could give him another chance. I do like his proactive and personal approach to apologizing. He didn't call you, or text you like a lame teenaged boy would. Take your time, give it some thought. Let him stew for a couple more days. He's obviously into you and a couple more days won't hurt. It will possibly help prove just how truly "into" you he is.

If you do decided to give it another go, be explicit in your instructions again. Even if your pill is working now, tell him he needs to buy condoms and have them handy. Yeah, it's kind of a test, but it'll show if he's really listening to you. He's gotta prove himself again. If the first thing out of his mouth happens to be, "But I thought your pill was working now?", don't flip out. He may just be really bad at thinking before he speaks. It doesn't sound like he was intentionally trying to be selfish, but more that he's a bit clueless. Do you want to teach him? Remembering and buying your favorite movie proves that he CAN pay attention when he wants to.

[Vik]

LailaK,

It appears to me that your boyfriend is selfish. All he wants is to satisfy his needs for sex not love. He will go back to his own irresponsible self after he gets what he wants, so you must not give in. You have to be firm. If he really loves you, he should respect you and have the responsibility to ensure that you will not get pregnant and he should take the necessary precautions to ensure that. At least that's what I did with my girlfriend (then) before we got married.

I am a man and I know what we men are usually up to. When men are craving for sex to satisfy our needs, we will promise the moon but after we get what we want, we forget all the promises until the craving for sex comes back again. It is just the biological nature of men but what differentiates a good man and a bad man is his attitude and responsible behavior.

My advice is stop giving sex to him. Instead, try to develop a relationship of mutual trust and respect. Go out and meet more people. You will find someone that you love who will love you for who you are and not for sex only.

Hope it helps.