I'm the friend, never the boyfriend. Why???

[vharden]

A little background on my self. I am a 28 year old virgin. On top of that, I have never, ever, had a girlfriend or a relationship with a woman of any kind other than friendship. I have only even kissed a girl one time in my life, while playing a game of truth or dare.

All of my life I have been one of the so called popular kids. In high school, I played football and I was also a drummer in a local band that played at most of the popular house parties around. I was always the center of attention and I could always be found on my breaks in school in the middle of a circle of people with laughter erupting from it. I love making people laugh and I am good at it. I was never picked on in school for being a virgin because quit frankly, no one ever questioned whether I was or not. I even told a friend of mine one time that I was a virgin. They just laughed and said "Yeah, right". I have been told by people all my life that there is something about me that just makes it so people want to like me.

I have always had lots of female friends and this has remained true even as I get older. Basically that is my problem though, as the title of my post explains. I am and have always been the close friend but never, ever the boyfriend. In my life, there have been two phrases that I have heard so much that if I hear either of them again, I think I just might snap. They are. "We are just such good friends, dating you would be wierd" Or the one I really hate because I have heard it more the older I get. "You are such a great guy, your nice, funny, hansome, and I really like you a lot. But......."

I have been getting really frustrated lately due to the fact that I am 28 and it is just getting sad. I have been through all the phases. At first, I was patient, I was willing to wait for that special person. Then when that special person never came, I lost patients. I started blaming women for my troubles. I mean if I was so great like they all kept saying, I should be beating them off with a stick, right?. Now I am at the point however where I no longer blame women for this. It has to be my fault, something about me that makes girls like me and like to be around me but at the same time, not want to date me. Needless to say, my self esteem has really taken a hit now that I have started admitting that it has to be me. I don't have that confidence in my self that has carried my my whole life anymore.

Even now, just a few nights ago, I was told the exact same thing by a friend of mine that I had started developing feelings for. She said "Your such a nice guy, and so funny and I do like you a lot but, your too old for me." She is 21, I'm 28, am I really to old for her? I am just getting to the point where I am afraid, afraid of dieing a lone. I wouldn't be so concerned if this had not been going on my whole life.

Whats going on? I am willing to admit any faults I might have and I am willing to try to change but at this point. I have no idea what the problem is. I have lived without sex for 28 years so I can live without it a bit longer. But I am tired of being alone. I am ready to start thinking more long term like family but it is hard for me to imagine when I have never even been out on a date. I have tried examining the recent situations I have been in to see if I could find somewhere I was going wrong. I was reading that some people who have problems getting into relationships self sabatoge themselves. I have looked and looked but I honestly don't see how I could be doing that.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Doc Durian]

Go to the Pro's and get yourself a piece of fast arse.

Then come back and we'll talk about step 2.

[lahnnabell]

Then when that special person never came, I lost patients.

What are you a doctor of? Okay, on a more serious note... That special person never came? So you standing around, waiting for some magical girl to show up in your life? You're too passive. I don't see much evidence in your post of you pursuing any women. You seem to content to hang around as their friend and hope that it blossoms into something else by some sort of magic. It doesn't work like this. You also seemed content to coast on your popularity and your circle of friends to define who you are. This is a very high school mentality. Do you even know who you are? I mean, you're 28 years old and you're still describing your high school-self. That is not who you are now.

[sehvral]

You're falling into the nice guy routine. You've got to ask the girl out *before* you become friends with her.

The whole point of the first few dates is to see if you have any feelings for each other.

Normally I'd say to look for someone your age, but I agree with lahnna, you kinda sound like you're still 21.

[vashti]

I agree with the previous posters. It sounds like you are trying to evolve from the friend zone into a relationship. It doesn't work that way... you have to establish your romantic interest right away, or a woman won't see you as a potential partner.

As for you not having found that special someone by age 28, eh - lots of people haven't. You need to get out more and learn to take more chances.

[amazed]

I agree with the last few posts. You're getting into the friend zone before attempting to make anything happen. You need to make a girl aware you're interested in her romantically from the start.

[Olderandwiser49]

Sounds like we have a quorum here. A woman wants to learn of your humorous side by being with you, not by watching you in a crowd. While you're on stage making everyone laugh, the ladies are watching from the audience, holding hands with the serious guy who has a good sense of humor.

[vharden]

I was only describing the events of my high school life only to prove my point. I do not still live in my high school years any more. Again all that was to still explain my situation. Also there has been another mis-understanding. When I said I was willing to wait for that special person, I didn't mean I was standing around twiddling my thumbs waiting for some magical woman to come in to my life. No, I was trying to get together with pretty much anyone that I thought there might be potential for sparks.

I see the point that everyone says. I am to nice of a guy and I do tend especually since I have gotten older to not take chances sometimes and not be aggressive in going after a woman or girl. So on that since I can see everyone's point.

I go out a lot!, at least twice a week. One of the major problems I have is when I do go out and met someone, I start talking to a woman that I am attracted to, sometimes I actually do manage to talk them into going out with me. But then by the end of the first few dates, yeah they really like me but see me as only a friend.

Reading your comments has made me realize that that I use my jokes and comedy as kind of a safety blanket. When things are not going well, or the woman seems to be losing interest, I go to making her laugh to cracking jokes.

Again, I am not too concerned at this point that I am not in a serious relationship with a woman who I want to marry as was said, many people have not. But what I am concerned about at 28 is that I haven't even been out on a single date, kissed a woman romantically or anything like that.

I also have daughts in my self now as well, when and if I finally do get intamite with a woman. I have never done any of this before, what if I suck at kissing, what if I am no good in bed? It is a fear that she may just walk away on me because of those things.

Thanks for your responses though guys.