I'm not trying to be insensitive here, and I've played the emotionally abusive boyfriend card to a tee. This feeling of hopelessness, powerlessness is draining any positive progress or motivation you may have. Him being with another girl not long after really puts the icing on the cake. You can't help how you feel, but you are certainly in control of your actions and what you do. You stayed with him for a long time because you loved and cared about him and put up with his abuse and found ways to rationalize it when they were wrong. You decided to, even though all logic goes out the door when you are emotional. It was the wrong decision. I think part of you thought he would change: realize that you were the one and would come in and sweep you off your feet and tell you he was sorry and how much he loved you and ride off in the sunset a new, changed man. It's not realistic.
But life is a great experience teacher, and you have learned and grown as a person from this relationship even if you feel like you are crippled from your experience. You have to discover your self worth again. You know you have a lot going for you, you know you are a great outgoing person, you know what kind of positive things you have about you. I think you do, even if you like to fish for compliments to boost your ego. You didn't know any better and you definitely would not handle this the same way if it were to happen again. Even if he were to appear today and ask for you back, you know that you couldn't do that and I don't think you would. What are you waiting for? Only you can really pull yourself out of this, and I'm sure you have some family and friends for support.
I know it's not fair to others if you aren't ready to open up, but as lostlars said, if you are upfront at the beginning ("coming out of a bad relationship...yada yada yada") you are being honest. I think if you were to take things slow and give it the chance to progress, you would be feeling alot better about yourself and have a lot better chance of meeting somebody that can better meet your needs. You will get to know them better and decide if they are right for you or not. You have options, you are getting approached, but you are letting opportunities pass you by.
I'm on almost eight months no contact, and my ex has been with a new guy for same eight months. I brought it upon myself being said emotional douchebag mentioned above, but it's still not easy thing. I haven't dreamt about her in a while but I have recently. I still love her, still care about her. It took me getting dumped cold on my ass to really look at who I was and what I was doing and you better believe I wouldn't do it again. It's probably going to take that for him to really learn a cold, harsh lesson, and based on who he is, where he is going, and how he is acting, it WILL happen. I promise you. It shouldn't be your concern but it all works out that way in the end. Just focus on you and what you have going on in your life. At least you have guys coming up to you wanting to give you a shot. You can't imagine the dating life of a zero confidence, emotionally charged guy that has to pursue women can you? I'll give you a hint, it's not good.
Waking up next to a beautiful girl,
Step outside and say hello to my beautiful world.