Can a relationship continue without Trust?

[HiMyNameisNick]

To make a VERY long story short, My girlfriend and I had been dating for 6 months, we ran into some problems, and she had sex with another guy. I took her back....because I love her.

So that was all back in December(I know great christmas present for me huh?). and Now we are still together, the problem is I can never stop thinking about what she has done to me. And whenever she goes out with her friends or someone I get the feeling she is doing something behind my back. I usually talk to her about it and she says she is doing nothing...but I know the type of person she is, if she were doing something she wouldnt tell me.

My friends say to break up with her because of what she did, but that was 4 months ago.... and she has changed a bit since then, she seems to care about me more.

But my question is, everyone says trust is vital for a relationship, so how do I rebuild trust when Im still devastated from what happened 4 months ago? My girlfriend tells me I need to never bring it up again...is it wrong of me to linger in the past and keep bringing it up?

[VincenzoG91]

The only way forward together is if she never cheats again and goes out of her way to make it clear that she is only with you AND you refrain from bringing it up all the time. In other words, she has to earn back your trust, and you have to honestly offer that trust for her to earn. You can't bring up the cheating every time you have any kind of disagreement or you're going to break up. A relationship can't continue without trust, but you two can deliberately choose to trust again if you both want it badly enough.

[QueenofCorona]

Hmm...by "bringing it up" does she mean throw it in her face or discus how you could obviously, and I don't blame you, have issues with trust? If you are going to work past something then you need to address the issue and not sweep it under the rug. You deserve that, she owes you that.

I'm curious as to why you took her back. Often times people trade in one fear for another. Were you willing to take on the fear of being hurt again by her in place of being alone?

[Sonrisa]

well, seriously, you dated for 6 months, and she cheated 2 months in? i honestly don't consider a relationship 2 months in a serious and exclusive one. you are just getting to know each, looking around. how well can you know a person in 2 months? you really can't. so i say, forgive her what happened and move on. if she is serious about you then she'll stay with, and if not then she'll find someone else.

[doppelgaenger]

2 months in isn't serious enough for me to even consider staying with the person if they cheat.
I would have just stopped talking to her and hooked up with someone else.

Your friends sound like they have heads on their shoulders.

[Sonrisa]

is it really cheating if you hardly know the person?

[doppelgaenger]

I don't think it matters how well you know a person.

[Sonrisa]

there was time in my life when i dated 7 guys at the same time. not that they had to know about each other. 6 months in i chose one of them and remained exclusive. what's wrong with that?

[doppelgaenger]

Well, nothing. You were dating 6 guys at a time, not managing 6 relationships at once.
It sounds like this guy had an exclusive relationship with his gf, eg. past the dating.

[Sonrisa]

Well, nothing. You were dating 6 guys at a time, not managing 6 relationships at once.
It sounds like this guy had an exclusive relationship with his gf, eg. past the dating.

well they really thought that we were exclusive too. some got really hurt and threw huge fits after we broke up. i remember one of them sent his friend to tell me how much i hurt and tried to convince me that he was the best for me. ah, he probably would've been. but nicest guys always finish last, right?

[doppelgaenger]

Well, unless you deceived them intentionally, you didn't do anything wrong.

Those guys sound pathetic though. Sent his guy friend to tell you? What a pussy.

[xxazurexx]

To make a VERY long story short, My girlfriend and I had been dating for 6 months, we ran into some problems, and she had sex with another guy. I took her back....because I love her.

So that was all back in December(I know great christmas present for me huh?). and Now we are still together, the problem is I can never stop thinking about what she has done to me. And whenever she goes out with her friends or someone I get the feeling she is doing something behind my back. I usually talk to her about it and she says she is doing nothing...but I know the type of person she is, if she were doing something she wouldnt tell me.

My friends say to break up with her because of what she did, but that was 4 months ago.... and she has changed a bit since then, she seems to care about me more.

But my question is, everyone says trust is vital for a relationship, so how do I rebuild trust when Im still devastated from what happened 4 months ago? My girlfriend tells me I need to never bring it up again...is it wrong of me to linger in the past and keep bringing it up?

You won't ever forget that she cheated on you and it will always be in the back of your mind. Whether you can continue or not, depends upon if you are willing to/can put what happened in the past behind you and trust that it won't happen again.

I've been in the same situation and I forgave the cheating. However I couldn't forget. Everytime he went out alone, I'd wonder what he was up to, who he was with, etc, etc. If we argued, the cheating is something I tended to always throw up in his face.
I didn't deal with it too well and because once my trust is broken, it's gone and for good.

My relationship went downhill from the point he cheated, but it was a relationship I chose to remain in and for the next four years because I was actually married to this guy. It ended because he cheated on me again....

So I'd been wise, not to trust him. Just a great pity I didn't have the sense to get out sooner.

[Olderandwiser49]

If you had a committed relationship, and she turned to someone else when you "had problems", will she do the same thing when problems arise again (and problems arise in all relationships)? Commitment means just that, whether you're dating, engaged or married. You commit to be together during both good and bad times. If, during your "problems", you called a halt to your relationship, then you can't hold it against her. If she led you to believe that she was still exclusive with you during that time, then IMO she'll be shopping around the next time you have a hiccup in your relationship. It's obvious from your posting that you don't trust her, and sometimes you gotta go with your gut rather than your heart.

[VincenzoG91]

there was time in my life when i dated 7 guys at the same time. not that they had to know about each other. 6 months in i chose one of them and remained exclusive. what's wrong with that?

Were you dating, or running a contest? That's actually kind of ridiculous. Once, when I was on a third date with a woman and things seemed to be going well, I started getting hopeful when she invited me back to her place. But after we got there, she let me know that she was also dating three other guys and hadn't decided to get serious with anyone yet. I didn't appreciate finding out that I was in a competition, so I stopped calling her. Less than a week later, I was dating someone new.

[dono01]

A relationship cannot thrive without trust. I would get rid of her.

1) She cheated on you
2) You obviously don't trust her
3) You're friends are telling you to break up

I don't see a logical reason why you are still with her.