should we proceed into marriage after he confessed that his family went brankrupt ? ?

[Gigabitch]

millo
i really don't appreciate u telling me that i'm materialistic !!!!! u can tell me whatever u want, but i know that i'm not !!! if i'm materialistic, then i would not have gone out with my bf at all at the first place and probably find a ****ING RICH man with a Mercedes and a couple of billion dollars mansion. but i dont think u have read my thread thoroughly to come to that stupid conclusion of yours. i'm not looking for a bf for money, when i HAVE my own. but what i concerned about is the BANKRUPTCY that occurs to his family. it's a serious financial problem, and life with financial problem is NOT HEALTHY. i'm just being realistic here, money is not everything, but everything needs money nowadays. i'm not talking that i need money for fashion, jewellry and stuff like that, but money is needed for education, health and a peace of mind. dont be a ****ing idiot, man !!!!!!!!!!!! are u poor man or something ???? why u talk like u never been educated before ?????? hmmm...i wonder

You are clearly too immature to get married. This little hissie fit is all the evidence I need to come to that conclusion.

[IndiReloaded]

Would you be willing to accept a lower lifestyle, even if he recovers financially but not to meet your families level?

If you are concerned for any inheritance, etc. should things turn sour (valid concern) just have your family lawyer draw up a prenupt. Problem solved.

[MVPlaya]

why u talk like u never been educated before ??????

Deep thoughts...

[belabeli]

You are clearly too immature to get married. This little hissie fit is all the evidence I need to come to that conclusion.

hey...that MILLO guy told me that i was a materialistic bitch. i think i have all the right to talk back to him that way, as he was being very disrespectful to me without i'm sure he didn't understand what i was saying at the first place. i can say 100 times ruder than him if i want to, thanks.

[belabeli]

to all: this problem is solved. i have a deep discussion with my parents and they're fine with it. it's not anybody's fault that the bankruptcy happened, it's not my bf who got involved, and he's clearly a hard worker and he handles his financial well. it's an unfortunate event that happened to his parents. thank you all for replying, and those who gave me negative statement, i really think u guys need to start trying to help people by giving them good advices, not stupid comments.

special thanks to blue summer, you're cool ))) thank you ))

[belabeli]

MIllo. use ur brain once in a while. will ya ??!!!!!!!!

[Tiay]

MIllo. use ur brain once in a while. will ya ??!!!!!!!!

hey...that MILLO guy told me that i was a materialistic bitch. i think i have all the right to talk back to him that way, as he was being very disrespectful to me without i'm sure he didn't understand what i was saying at the first place. i can say 100 times ruder than him if i want to, thanks.

Belabeli; in this world many people might insult you. This does not automatically allow you to throw a hissy fit at them. Doing that simply lowers you to their level.


And frankly, you came across as a spoilt, materialistic, immature person to me, too.

Why? I suspected it when I read the title of your post.
"Should we proceed into marriage after he confessed that his family went bankrupt"

the actions of ones family is not something that one personally must "confess" to. If your BF had lied and told you that his family was rich, that'd be a different matter because lying is something you can confess to. If it had been your BF's actions that had bankrupt his family, then he could've "confessed" to that. But he cannot be expected to confess for the actions or downright just plain bad luck of his family. And it sounded like he'd wanted to tell you and was afraid of what your reaction would be, which suggests to me that he also knows about your materialism.

Ok, maybe it's all a big misunderstanding and I do understand that you felt squeezed by your families perceived requirements.. but still, you're acting like you're being sooo amazingly non-materalistic by valiantly overcoming the fact that he's not rich? Bullshit. As long as a guy is not financially irresponsible or lazy, it shouldn't matter how much money he has, and it isn't even any of your business or in your rights to know how much money his parents have.
I didn't know how much money any of my significant other's families had. Of course, you get an idea just by observing. But if I can see that someone's family is 'poor', I do not expect him to "confess" this to me. In fact, if I was engaged to someone and he made this "confession" and he was all worried about telling me in case I don't want to marry him.. then I would be about 100 times more upset about the fact that he would think that I'd ever be that materialistic, than I'd be upset about some money issues. It's not like his family is living under a bridge, or expects that if you marry their son, you must give the money, is it? It's not that he's a gold digger who expects to live from your money? If not, then it isn't an issue that should affect your decision.

[Incognito]

Tiay I wish there was a button to give you more thanks, send a kiss and pay you for that post! If there were I'd have pressed it so hard I'd have broken my computer.

@belabeil: You "say" that this issue is resolved but the root of the issue isn't. Everything that you said here, including your justifications of your feelings and your spolied brat comments all point to a woman who has mooched off her parents teet all her life and want the same cooshy treatment. You parents are right that no one wants to enter bankruptcy and that his parents finances have nothing to do with him perse. Your parents may be hard workers who profited from their own work, but you aren't. You're just the spoiled offspring of those hard working rich people. One you will have financial problems (as ll married couples do) and I can guarantee that it will break your marriage because you "feel that you deserve better". You'll leave him and run back no mommy and daddy, I guarantee it!

[doppelgaenger]

She sounds like a really immature, spoiled brat. I dunno what the guy sees in her.

Isn't it just cute how she comes on here and gives us unsolicited tips on how to give advice? L-O-FÜCKING-L

[Tiay]

thanks, incognito I agree.

However, I have to be the devils advocate here too. Belabeli can't help the way she was raised. I guess 26 isn't the usual age to rebel, but I hope she does question it and get introspective about it all and how she thinks about money and that kind of thing- it's not like it's too late. It feels a little too easy for us to sit here with our non-rich families and condemn her. Still, the impression I got from this little glimpse was pretty clear, to me at least.

She sounds like a really immature, spoiled brat. I dunno what the guy sees in her.

Isn't it just cute how she comes on here and gives us unsolicited tips on how to give advice? L-O-FÜCKING-L

We can't possibly claim to know, she could have all kinds of appealing qualities that he likes =p I wouldn't mind unsolicited tips if they were offered constructively, but she was just being defensive.


-----------
So, Belabeli, if you're still reading: I wish you all the best, I really do. Instead of condemning us as a bunch of strangers on the net who don't really know what's going on.. consider how you presented the situation, and try to see how that brought me to those conclusions. Ask yourself if there could be some truth to that and how you can use those realisations to become a better person.
Consider this, you've had a bunch of people sitting at their computers spending time considering your situation. You can't possibly expect us to offer 100% neutral advice, we all have our own experiences to go on. But still, it's really pretty amazing when you think about it.
What's that flag? I thought at first it was poland because it has the same colours, but the country code is Indonesia? So English probably isn't even your first language and it's a whole different culture. But anyway, I hope you grow as a person– I know I have since I joined this forum.

[belabeli]

incognito: here's some facts, just incase u wanna review ur critics over me, k ?
1) i work hard. by that means i work since 3 AM at my own bakery til 1 pm. continue working at my parents shops right after that til 8 pm. how long do YOU work?
2. my bf lives with his parents, and not getting private income elsewhere. family financial not recovering still. he works from 3 pm til 5 pm. can i help u with the math ?

[belabeli]

tiay, thx so much for ur reply. thank u also for a supportive answer, i guess i was kinda angry with those people telling me that i'm being materialistic and spoiled. maybe they were right, but i must also point out that it's not how much money my bf (or his family) has, as long as it's not bankrupt (just healthy financial is enough, i swear to God). i also work hard, and don't ask my parents for money ever since i finished uni and started to work. i just hate being judged by people who dont know me at all.

[Tiay]

tiay, thx so much for ur reply. thank u also for a supportive answer, i guess i was kinda angry with those people telling me that i'm being materialistic and spoiled. maybe they were right, but i must also point out that it's not how much money my bf (or his family) has, as long as it's not bankrupt (just healthy financial is enough, i swear to God). i also work hard, and don't ask my parents for money ever since i finished uni and started to work. i just hate being judged by people who dont know me at all.

isn't it odd how over the internet differences of opinion become battles to the death? I just have to remind myself that it's damn near impossible to accurately know someone's character through just one little snippet told through a language barrier.. add to that cultural differences and people's personal experiences and stereotypes they might apply to you in their heads, and things can get pretty inaccurate very quickly.. and the only thing to do is just acknowledge that.

[Junket]

F*ck Miloo, he's a cunt.

[Incognito]

incognito: here's some facts, just incase u wanna review ur critics over me, k ?
1) i work hard. by that means i work since 3 AM at my own bakery til 1 pm. continue working at my parents shops right after that til 8 pm. how long do YOU work?
2. my bf lives with his parents, and not getting private income elsewhere. family financial not recovering still. he works from 3 pm til 5 pm. can i help u with the math ?

When I'm wrong I'm wrong. I won't hesitate to admit that here. However you must know that when you say that you parents are rich, that you want to maintain "a certain comfort level" that you are used to, and you are harping on your boyfriend's parents bankruptcy (and not his finances) that it sounds materialistic to a stranger. You made no mention that you had a job, so there was no way that anyone would have known that. Here in the US I have dealt with many women over the years who didn't work and lived off of their parents their whole lives, yet wouldn't even consider dating me because I didn't have this year's top Mercedes model car. They looked down on me for not having the biggest and best of everything, yet they had absolutely nothing themselves......only what mommy and daddy gave to them. I despise women like that, and sadly you came off that way. Your snappy attitude and sacrasm don't help people's perception of you either.

At any rate, does your boyfriend really only work two hours a day? That isn't much at all, in fact its nothing.