No idea how to start this conversation (FWB)

[Namari]

Let's see how succinct I can be about this.

I was dumped in February by a guy I'm still in love with (dumb).

I had been in contact with another ex beforehand, and we had been chatting/being friends. After a lot of banter, he came over two weekends ago, and I slept with him.

He also came over last weekend, and we slept together again.

I'm not interested in a relationship, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he is. He wants to cuddle and be kissy, and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to cause pain.

Problem is, I don't know if he actually wants to be in a relationship or if I'm just paranoid. I am definitely up for a friends-with-benefits situation like it is so far. I have no idea how to start the discussion, though... I am a firm believer in communication, and I really don't want to hurt someone else due to my own selfishness. Do any of you have advice?

[lahnnabell]

Just preface the conversation by saying you don't want to make a bigger deal out of things than they need to be, but that you feel the need to set some guidelines. Regardless of whether they're just hooking up or developing feelings, some people just like the kissy/cuddly part of being intimate with someone. If that's not for you, then maybe you need to find a new f*** buddy.

[Namari]

I don't mind the kissy/cuddly stuff, I am just paranoid that it indicates that he wants more.

Mostly I've been passive-aggressively mentioning the other men I'm dating and suggesting women for him... but maybe I should just not sleep with him. Argh, such a shame.

[lahnnabell]

Passive-aggressiveness gets you nowhere. Best to just ask him. If he has feelings, then go from there. If he doesn't and gets offended, well, you were probably gonna have to cut your losses anyway.

[MM894]

Just preface the conversation by saying you don't want to make a bigger deal out of things than they need to be, but that you feel the need to set some guidelines. Regardless of whether they're just hooking up or developing feelings, some people just like the kissy/cuddly part of being intimate with someone. If that's not for you, then maybe you need to find a new f*** buddy.

This. You've just broken up with a guy that meant a lot to you and having someone intimate in your life again is a good thing, it's the definition of a rebound. That said, you do need to do what lahnnabell said and set guidelines. If you guys continue under uncertain circumstances, there's the potential that you get more attached to him and grow feelings that he might not reciprocate in return, and that's bound to hurt you at some point. Lay some guidelines out and have fun with whichever way you guys decide to go.

[Olderandwiser49]

I had been in contact with another ex beforehand

With respect to this one, who broke up with whom? If you broke up with him, and now you're letting him back into your life (and bed), you're leading him on and need to have an open and honest talk (i.e. I like the sex and I enjoy your company, but I don't love you like you want me to love you). This gives him the option of continuing or bailing, and if he gets hurt by staying, it's his own fault. If he originally broke up with you, he will gladly accept the relationship on your terms, and you can continue with your game of "hide the wienie" without guilt.