Should i just cut all contact without informing her?

[Unknown2010]

Hi, i split from my gf 6 months ago, we went out for 5 years and she dumped me for a new guy. I was very heart broken at the time and found it very difficult to move on. I gave myself 3 months no contact to try and heal and i felt i did as i got with a new girl but decided things werent going the way i wanted them to and so i ended things with her.
Now the thing is, 2 months ago me and my ex decided to be friends, i agree now that in our relationship it was more friendship than lovers (if you get me), we made better friends than a couple. She's still with this guy but he lives in London so she hardly sees him (were up North).
During our new rekindled friendship she has told me things about him (moaning about him mostly), and other times she goes on about how much she loves him....Another thing, she tries to hug me/hold me when we are alone, i've tried pushing her away from me but she keeps trying to do it.
I dont think shes over me, either that or shes playing mind games with me, i dont want to be messed around and i dont want it to get to the point where my feelings for her come back, she hasnt said "I want you back" but says things and does things (flirting, acting loving, speaking about sex), yet when i talk to her about it, and ask her why are you trying to get held by me, going close to my face and basically flirting whenever the oppurtunity comes up she goes balistic with me and denies all, and declares that her bf is the one she wants!!!!
I think im better off without her as a friend and dont like how "friendly" she's been with me, should i just cut contact without a reason seeing as though she doesnt understand what shes doing wrong?

[FrailWings]

Sounds to me she's playing mind games with you. I think maybe you yourself are hoping for you and her to get back together. It seems she's trying to make you jealous, and is getting a kick out of tormenting you, because you're biting a lot. Depending on what you ultimately want from this, is somewhat got a part to play on your decision to start NC without informing her. If you want to completely move on, then yeah, start NC without telling her. Why would you want her hanging around if you want your head straight and to move forward in life, without these stupid games. However if you're planning on trying to get her back, some may say stay friends. My own advice would be, see how things pan out, don't bite to her silly games. If she persists in doing all these immature things, then start NC and don't tell her at all. She deserves no reason, because of the way she's acting. Good luck buddy

[xxazurexx]

I would just cut contact, who needs an undecisive clown like her around.

Also she walked out for another guy. Not exactly what I'd call 'friend' material.

I reckon she still likes you, is trying to come onto you to test you and when you are making a song and dance about it, she's feeling rejected and passing it off that you are just friends....to save her face.

[cmacattack1]

I wouldn't bank on the fact that she still likes you, and I don't think she is intentionally playing games with you. I think she more lacks the self awareness of her actions more than anything and doesn't realize what she is putting you through. She isn't getting her needs met fully from her guy being a long distance relationship and is fishing for the rest with you. You have to cut contact with her if it's causing you pain or making you uncomfortable. A part of her likes to feel wanted and you biting on that will just feed her ego but it will not get you a relationship with her again and make her love you like she used to. Don't think for a second that can happen or things will be like it was before.

[Unknown2010]

Thank you all for your responses.
I've decided to cut all contact with her and without telling her why. I was thinking the same, that she is using me as she is not getting the attention from her guy as frequently as she wants. I've noticed that she's very insecure with this new guy - i remember her saying to me that she likes to make him jealous just to hear the words "i want you" - i went mad with her and said that isnt right on him, jealousy is such a horrible feeling! But i get the impression also that this new guy is just as insecure as her, so if he's been doing the same then i wouldnt know.
I remember though when i asked her why she's doing this to me (i went on a lot about it), she came back with "You think i fancy you?" and laughed, so i think you are right cmacattack1 about her not necesserily liking me and just did it to use me.
I've read that you think that i may secretly want us back together, thats probably true but i didn't let my guard down over her, also the fact remains that even if she did say the words "I want you back" in the back of my mind i'd still be thinking "what if she's chatting up some other guy?" i wouldnt be able to trust her anymore and trust is everything to me in a relationship.
So i think i have made the right decision about this, as the saying goes "You can fix a broken mirror but you can still see it's cracks!"

Thanks again for your responses, i'd rather get out of this now than end up hanging on to nothing and being as miserable as i was when we first broke up!

[anjella]

I can relate to your situation...
6 months ago, i broke up with my bf. we've been together for almost 6 years. after the tension when we broke up, we decided to be friends. thinking that i got over him and im ok with it, i accepted the challenge. we see each other, texted and send emails. when we see each other he holds my hand, still calls me "hunnie" and talk about things like we are still together. but he never mentioned us getting back together. and it hurts that when i tried to show him that i want us back again, he will reject me and will say that "were better off as friends". so the last time that he told me that, i made it final that i am not gonna talk to him ever. i change my cell no., my email, no texting. i did what i could to not try to contact him and him contact me.
in short, totally cutting off your communication with your ex will help you move on!
there is no such thing as being friends with your ex... that's BS... (sorry bout my language)
i'm just mad at people, who after breaking your heart and making you suffer, will make you accept them as your "friend".
that's my opinion, based on my experience.

[Unknown2010]

Thank you for your reply anjella, im sorry to hear that you have been in the same situation as me.
I totally agree with you when you say being friends with your ex is BS! At the time of giving our friendship a try i didn't realise how hard it would be, some of my feelings did crop back up when we had a really good time out somewhere, and it made me think of all the good times in our relationship again.
What i dont understand is, with your situation aswell, is you'd think it would of been the other way round - us trying to get close to our ex's, am i right in persuming he broke up with you?
Anyhow with my situation i dont know whether it was cos she still likes me or she was just plain using me, but i have a pretty good idea that it was using.
Anyway here's to the future

[doppelgaenger]

Sounds pretty rough, but you'll get over it.

Just cut all contact and tie up the loose ends. She's history. Forget about friendship. What's the point in being with some backstabbing traitor who left you for someone else? The world is full of people. There is no excuse to succumb to her will or your feeble attempts to detach yourself. If you really meant that much to her, she would have never left you. Remember that.

[Unknown2010]

Thank you, your right!

[anjella]

i hope we found what we're looking for!!!
Goodluck to you and to me...

[Unknown2010]

Thank you anjella, we will someday i am certain on that

[Martin84]

It sounds like you got a cunning friend or girlfriend. Forget about loving her because she will dump you again. It looks like she is using you for recreational purposes because she has already lost interest in the guy she dumped you far. Use her for sex if you are really attracted to her. Just use her for sex until you can because she will move on one day and you will not regret it is she was just your sex toy.

[Perryville]

2010, If she dumped you, you owe her nothing!! She is keeping you around as backup if this new guy falls through. "No contact", and no explanation is a good idea.