Love triangle confusion! Two women and me... What to do??

[fujiyama_man]

Okay, so I'm in a very strange relationship. I'm engaged to a girl and we've been together for almost 6 years now and engaged for 2. For the first 5 years it was simply me and her.
A little after our 5th year together she openly asked if I'd be okay with her sleeping with another girl from time to time. I knew from the beginning of our relationship that she has dated girls in the past and is sexually attracted to them. So, I figured if it was only with this one girlfriend of hers, which is her bestfriend, that I'd be okay with it.
So, basically after I said okay, they started pretty much dating. So, my girlfriend pretty much had me as her boyfriend and her bestfriend as her girlfriend. I told her one night a while back that I thought she was getting a little too serious with her girlfriend and that I felt uncomfortable about it.
After I told her that, she told me that her girlfriend really likes me as well and wanted to know if it would make me feel better if the 3 of us had sex together. So, one night we tried it and it was pretty fantastic. for all of us.
To make this long story short, that was about 7 months ago. Since then my fiances girlfriend and I have become super close and have also started a relationship, which my fiance is totally okay with.
So, with all that said - I currently have a fiance and a girlfriend who is also my fiances girlfriend and they are both okay with it, and I guess I'm okay with it too. We pretty much have a 3 way monogamous relationship going on.
My question is how do I marry my fiance now that this 3rd girl is involved? Because I would really like to marry my fiance one day soon and spend my life with her. Help!

[Gigabitch]

Maybe I'm too old-fashioned or something, but I don't think you should get married when you're sleeping with two women, even if it's satisfying for everyone. I don't think your fiancee should get married since she's sleeping with two people and if I were the best friend, I'd feel marginalized by the event.

[VincenzoG91]

Doctor William Marston reportedly lived in a long-term and stable threesome with his wife and another woman. He was the inventor of the lie detector and the creator of Wonder Woman. Between the three of them, they had four kids. He died in 1943.

[Kaius]

Man, you are living the fantasy of 99.99% of straight men. I understand your concerns, but are you seriously complaining?
I agree with Giga.... Don't get married. Maintain this relationship, and grow with it. DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE INTO THE MIX.
As long as the three of you can keep it together, I think it's actually pretty cool.

[Peter Pry]

We pretty much have a 3 way monogamous relationship going on.

You are in a polyamorous triad.

My question is how do I marry my fiance now that this 3rd girl is involved? Because I would really like to marry my fiance one day soon and spend my life with her. Help!

More information is required. You want to spend the rest of your life with #1. What about #2? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her too? How do #1 and #2 feel about spending their lives with each other?

You say that you only "guess" that you're OK with the arrangement, and yet you go out of your way to describe how close you are to each of your girlfriends, and you have a long term relationship going. Why do you only "guess" it's OK? What is making you uncomfortable?

Because depending on how you feel about these things, there are various strategies you can take, from continuing the current arrangement, to making a private commitment to one or both, to marrying #1, to marrying neither, to marrying both (or at least having an equivalent ceremony).

Marrying #1 without a similar commitment to #2 will certainly single her out as a merely secondary partner, which will almost certainly hurt her, and you love her. So that would be a Bad Thing. Such action typically breaks pre-commitment triads, which are notoriously unstable for this very reason. Breaking the triad could even endanger your then-monogamous relationship with your wife, since she could potentially resent you for #2's departure. In particular, if you don't love #2 as a lifelong partner, or see that ever happening, then both of you are going to have to break up with her before you commit to each other. You're wasting her time.

Poly relationships are complex, and you don't have the road map that society provides to monogamous pairings. That is why this problem will be solved in the only way any poly problem is solved: by fully open lines of communication. You should not be asking strangers about this: you should be asking your girlfriends. Sit down and have a serious open discussion with everyone about what everyone wants and where the family is going.

[fujiyama_man]

i read your comments and thank you. the thing is i do love my second girlfriend enough to spend my life with her. it's still early on - we've only been officially a couple for about 5 months, as with my fiance we've been together for almost 6 years. so, i suppose it just takes time for these things to figure themselves out.

i actually had a talk yesterday with my fiance about our future wedding. and we've both come to the conclusion since now girlfriend #2 is in our lives, we're going to put the idea of marriage on hold. we're going to remain engaged, but continue with our 3 way relationship and let it build more. because we all do love one another and we dont want to jeopardize what we have.

[Jas_mine]

Wow, my love life is so ordinary and mundane compared to this!

You can't have 'officially been a couple' with her - there is nothing official or couple-like about the situation! I don't know, maybe I'm traditional but I believe in one-on-one relationships - no way I could ever share my partner with somebody else, I would be absolutely mortified and insulted if they even suggested it, it's like opening a whole can of worms. Maybe it will all untangle itself when the 'third wheel' finds herself unsatisfied with the arrangement and goes looking for greener pastures, eventually something is going to have to give, somebody will walk, just make sure it isn't you they close the door on.

[Gigabitch]

You can't have 'officially been a couple' with her - there is nothing official or couple-like about the situation!

They're a triple!

[Peter Pry]

You can't have 'officially been a couple' with her - there is nothing official or couple-like about the situation!

They're official if they decide they are. Only the people involved in a relationship get to decide what's official and what isn't. Nobody else gets a vote.

maybe I'm traditional but I believe in one-on-one relationships - no way I could ever share my partner with somebody else, I would be absolutely mortified and insulted if they even suggested it, it's like opening a whole can of worms.

You believe in 1-on-1 relationships. You could never share your partner. You would be mortified. This relationship isn't about you. It's apparently about people who don't believe in 1-on-1, who can share, and who aren't mortified at the thought.

Maybe it will all untangle itself when the 'third wheel' finds herself unsatisfied with the arrangement and goes looking for greener pastures

Or maybe they will live happily ever after. You and I will never know. I suggest we wish them good luck and happiness.

[VincenzoG91]

Have there been any fights yet? If so, how do they get resolved? It could be tough if a situation feels like two against one. Other than that, as long as jealousy isn't a factor, I think this could work okay. Imagine a household with two parents working full-time while the third parent stays home and takes care of the kids.

[Mish]

More information is required. You want to spend the rest of your life with #1. What about #2? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her too? How do #1 and #2 feel about spending their lives with each other?

You say that you only "guess" that you're OK with the arrangement, and yet you go out of your way to describe how close you are to each of your girlfriends, and you have a long term relationship going. Why do you only "guess" it's OK? What is making you uncomfortable?

I'm with Peter Pry on this one. All of the above are important questions to answer. There is a lot of potential for mis-communication, misunderstanding and things going disastrously wrong here.

[Jas_mine]

"They're official if they decide they are. Only the people involved in a relationship get to decide what's official and what isn't. Nobody else gets a vote."

- dude I was more so referring to the whole couple comment here, there are like four different relations in play here so the word 'couple' does not apply.

"You believe in 1-on-1 relationships. You could never share your partner. You would be mortified. This relationship isn't about you. It's apparently about people who don't believe in 1-on-1, who can share, and who aren't mortified at the thought."

- I am fully aware this isn't about me, however I am entitled to express my thoughts and feelings on the matter, besides they obviously believed in one-on-one for five whole damn years, they were monogamous to begin with, am curious as to how suddenly after five years she suggested sleeping with her best friend and he was a-okay with the arrangement, like how does that work?

"Or maybe they will live happily ever after. You and I will never know. I suggest we wish them good luck and happiness."

- if this were the case then he wouldn't be on here asking for advice - you are forgettinhg that he has a dilemma, we are here to offer our input on the situation, not just merely wish him good luck and happiness. Please read the last two lines of his original post.