I have had this girl that has been my close friend since like high school. I had an infatuation with her all through my last two years of high school. She was interested on and off and we semi dated near the end of my senior year. Anyway, she is a year younger and I went off to college so things stopped. Long story short, she ended up at the college I was going to and I transferred to a different college in the state.
Time passed and I disconnected myself with the thoughts of liking her as anything more than a friend.....she didn't. She still has a huge thing for me that apparently hasn't diminished at all in the past years. We talk now and then, but there's really nothing more outside of that. We had a particularly awkward conversation a while back. She started dating a guy at her school and I thought I had finally been relieved of my spot of "the one."
She breaks up with this guy and we get to talking, and she explains she's never found a spark with anyone like she had with me. At this point I am on damage control and trying to make a clean exit because I really don't know how to react or what to say. I have stuck to my guns, explaining to her that I don't hold the attraction anymore.
A week or so ago, she asked me to be her date to a mutual friends wedding next month. I actually have something planned that weekend, so i couldn't go, but I honestly wouldn't want to even if I could. I just find it hard to be around her knowing how she feels and I don't want to lead her on. I don't know how to be a friend without giving her a wrong signal.
It was her birthday today and i didn't call her because I have been sick as shit all day puking my guts out. When I text her a bit ago telling her sorry that I didn't call, that I was sick, she gave me the guilt trip. "Yeah, I was kinda of surprised you didn't call, hope you feel better." It kind of pissed me off to be honest, I'm puking every hour on the hour, can I get a break?
How in the hell am I suppose to explain this to her any clearer than I already have? I feel like I can hardly be a friend anymore because its making me uncomfortable.