Im in love, but I am totally lost.

[John May]

I am kind of mad at myself for putting myself in this situation, but now that I am in, I am in desperate need of help, because my judgment is clouded by my feelings and I cannot seem to think straight. So Please any help will be greatly appreciated.

Here is my situation.

About 1 year ago I was playing an online game, and I met this girl. At first we were just partners at the game, but soon we started to talk. After a little while we traded phone numbers and pictures.

We talked for about 1 years 2, 3 sometimes 4 times a week on the phone. There was always a mutual interest, but we never actually met, and it never went past that.

About 1 month this all changed. We have been talking every day, sometimes 4 or 5 hours a day. We laugh together, we have common interests, and we really seem to hit it off.

I never met this girl, but I love everything about this girl who I talk on the phone. Even if she is not the girl on the pictures that she send me ( Which I truly think she is) I think I would still love her, for her personality.

She has said that she loves me, and wants us to be in a relationship. She says that she will not date anybody else, and that she is really happy.

My problem is when I every time I mention actually meeting her, either she tells me:

1- I hope we can meet soon
or
2- Changes the subject really fast.

I am 32 years old, and she is 24. I am sure she is concerned about meeting a stranger, and all of that, but still seems weird to me. Specially if she says she likes me as much as she says she does. Specially since at the moment she is not doing anything. Not working, not going to school. She starts school again in august for her MBA.
She never gives me something concrete to work on. Like I am not ready now, but I think in a month we should be able to. Or in 2 months or whatever...


My conclusions are:

1- She is just playing me, and having me around is just good to massage her ego until something else comes along. Just filling up her time right now, since she is not doing anything.

2- There is something that is holding her back that she is not telling me.

3- Maybe she is not the girl in the pictures, therefore she is scared. ( I showed myself in the camera several times, but she said she promised her dad, she would not webcam anybody) If that's the case I would not care. I love the person i talk on the phone to.

4- She wants to take things REALLY slow.

Whatever the case I feel like I am in a really weird situation. She is a very attractive girl, but I am also a very attractive and successful guy (Im a doctor), not trying to be cocky, just showing the whole situation.

So I need help really bad. Sometimes I want to end things, because I feel like I am going to end up hurting bad from all of this. Sometimes, I want to give love a chance. But the whole thing scares me to death, as I dont want to loose her, but I dont want to get hurt as well. So I think that sometimes its better to end it now before things get more complicated.

Anyway. Any input would be greatly appreciated. I need an outside view of the situation.

[cake85]

hey there. first of all, i understand exactly where u come from. im in a similar situation with someone i met online. we have only known each other for a year but during the time we met, we both really needed someone to talk to. he was in a bad relationship at the time and i was going through the same thing. we kinda helped each other out. However, his situation was a little different because he was still in love with the person he was in a relationship at that time and he still is in love with her but, i know that he likes me and he has especial feelings for me. i have feelings for him as well and even tho we are both single right now, neither of us is looking for a relationship due to the fact that we both broke up with our partners recently. we have never talked on the phone before, he wants to tho. but something about talking to him on the phone scares me. makes it more real. i feel like it would lead to more too fast and i dont want to be the re-bound girl for him.we have definitely talked about meeting each other but he is busy and im in no rush, i want to take things slow and see how it goes.

it could be the same with this girl. maybe she doesn't want to rush things. i dont understand the whole webcam thing honestly. im 24 also and i think we are old enought to make our own decissions so...what does her father has to do with her being on cam?o.0 makes no sense to me. you two have been talking for sometime and if u talk for 4 or 5 hours a day i think there is enough trust for u to ask her whats the problem with meeting each other. ask her if she just wants to take things slow? if she really wants to meet?, i think there is no other way for u to know unless u talk with her about it. hope that helps. good luck

[xxazurexx]

She could just be really nervous.

I've been in that situation and actually taking that leap to go off and meet him, took quite a while, lol and due to nerves.

For a start, it's something I'd never done before. This was the first time I was considering going off to meet someone I'd met online.
I'd wonder a lot and what he'd think of me. Would I live up to his expectations? What if he didn't like me? What if I don't like him? My main worry, was would he like the 'real' me and I was afraid he wouldn't.

I'd put meetings off to another date, even though I'd really wanted to meet him and I had full intention in going ahead with meeting.

He did get pissed off and accused me of playing, etc, but he continued to stick around and had patience.

One day I called him. Told him that I was ready to meet him. I knew that if I didn't do this now, I'd never do it...
Out of the blue for him, but he travelled up that day to see me. On the way he kept phoning, 'Are you sure you won't change your mind'. He was still having doubts about me and thinking I'd let him down, right up until he arrived. But I didn't flake this time. I had a couple of glasses of wine to calm my nerves, didn't help much, but went off to see him regardless....

This was in my case, but I guess there could be other reasons for the woman in your situation to be flaking.

[ohcrap]

Nice to know that I'm not the only one who've met someone very randomly through an online game . So I've been in that situation as well (kind of), we talked for 1 year (online messenger, phone, webcam, mics - the whole deal) untill we met eachother. I certainly had strong reasons to not meet him or try and avoid it all together, but... I did and I never regretted it!! And from my own experiences I know that it's totally and completely possible to find a good match on the net, and even fall in love.

However, I can't say with certainty why she acts the way she does. Maybe she's nervous (it's only natural) or there could be some other reason to why she puts it off (for example that you wouldn't like her when you meet her). Either way you should just ask her! Just say that you would very much like to meet her and if she avoids the subject or isn't clear about how she feels / what she wants, just simply ask her. The webcam-thingy is rather weird, though. She is 24 and can make up her own mind if she wants to show herself in the webcam or not (and I can't really see the danger about it??). The pics of her may really be her, but perhaps they are a bit old? Perhaps she doesn't look exactly like that anymore, and that might make her nervous, scared and insecure about meeting you.

Just talk to her and good luck!

[xxazurexx]

I'm thinking it's not odd that she won't webcam.
Webcamming is something I wouldn't do either and it's not because I have anything to hide, or that I don't look like my pics.

I'd probably feel like a dick if I was sat in front of one, while someone was looking at me which is why I wouldn't do it.

If I wanted people to watch me over cam, I'd have been a tv presenter or something.