His ex is stalking me....

[Vixenlady]

I am 29 and my boyfriend is 38. We have been together 5 years. About 2 years ago we hit a rough patch, which was around the time his ex girlfriend who is 37 (they were together on and off for 15 years) got back in contact with him. He lied about meeting up with her etc and arguments happened. I ended up moving back to my mothers as we decided that we needed to take a break. Throughout this time I saw him constantly and we were still sleeping together.
However, I found out that he was also seeing his ex, sleeping with her and even got her pregnant which he asked that she have an abortion. She did not know that he was still with me. They also went on holiday together. This was around Christmas last year. I told him that I wanted to end the relationship and move on because all this drama was not good. He said that he would stop seeing her and he wanted to make a go of us. So a couple of months later I moved back in... things have been going great over the last year....we really seemed to have got back on track. We are even planning to have a baby at the end of the year.
I recently set up a facebook page and naturally put pictures up of us which his sisters love and have commented on. I am very close with them.
Then last week he started acting strange, just like he acted when he ex contacted him the first time. So I decided to check his emails.... yes I know but he wouldnt tell me even if I asked and Im not setting myself up to play fool again.
There was an email from his ex saying:

"Did you know your girlfriend has plastered pics of you all over facebook" and then sent one of the pictures of him. In the comments section of that picture, I had joked with his sister not to tell him that picture was up because it would embarass him (pic of him cuddling our cat) so she picked that one to send trying to get me into trouble. He didnt respond all week to it, then he did yesterday. His father currently has cancer and he explained to her what the current situation was with him... he didnt address me and him together at all. She then responded how sorry she was and she hopes everything will be ok for him and his family.

Im not about to let this fool come in between us again but I dont know how to react to it... she is obviously stalking me on facebook and so far I have resisted the urge to wind her up more.
What should I do?

[starbuck]

Vixen, he's still in contact with his ex, even though he told you he wouldn't be. Doesn't this raise a big red flag for you?

I'd be really concerned that he hasn't told her to back off by now.

[Vixenlady]

Vixen, he's still in contact with his ex, even though he told you he wouldn't be. Doesn't this raise a big red flag for you?

I'd be really concerned that he hasn't told her to back off by now.

They havent spoken since we got back together but he obviously didnt let her know we are a couple again....

I dont actually mind him informing her about his dad. They were together a long time and she knew his parents...

What I am upset about is that he didnt address the issue of me and him at all.

I am sick of her rearing her ugly head every now and then. What should I do? I cant tell him I looked at his emails.

[VincenzoG91]

Ask him face-to-face when he was last in contact with his ex. If he tells the truth, then talk it out about how you feel. If he lies, drop the topic and then drop him.

[starbuck]

I would confront him. Tell him you notice he's been acting strange and ask him if she's contacted him. I'd be interested to hear if he answers truthfully or not.

Look, he should be telling her to back off and he's not. I'd proceed with caution in this relationship and demand he cut complete contact with her. Block her emails, facebook, the whole nine. A committed partner would do these things.

How did she see those pictures in the first place? Do you have your facebook profile set to public? If so, then you need to fix that.

[Gigabitch]

How would she know that the cat picture would get you in trouble?

[ftm]

How did she see those pictures in the first place? Do you have your facebook profile set to public? If so, then you need to fix that.

I agree with this poster. You need to set as many of your settings to private as you can. As someone who has been the victim of FAR more severe internet stalking than what you've described, all I can say is that you have to head things off now. If she's an obsessive person, access to your private pictures could just add fuel to the fire.

As for your boyfriend, have you made it veery clear to him that 1) You don't want him initiating contact with his ex? and 2)You want him setting clear boundaries for her? You need to set clear parameters for what you want to see happen and not happen, particularly if you plan to have a kid with this guy (something I would beg you to reconsider, at least for the time being.)

If you have already set these boundaries, and he has agreed, then it is his job to maintain them, not yours. Ask him innocently whether they are still in contact. See if he mentions her email to him.

If he can't move on, you'll have to move on. It sounds like this whole saga has gone on for quite long enough.