Devastated, will she come back?

[Teddy057]

So, before I explain my story, I want you all to know this was more than a "high school" relationship.

We started dating our senior year of high school all the way in to our freshmen year in college. The relationship lasted exactly 1 year and 1 month. We go to different colleges, but they're only 20 minutes from each other.

At the beginning of the relationship, we couldn't get enough of each other, even saying "Wow, i can't believe i met the person i want to spend the rest of my life with in high school." and we both agreed. But, as the days went on, reality set in. I had my doubts from the beginning, but the way we made each other feel, was amazing. We would spend night and day with one another, laughing, kissing, just being in love.

Why we were much more than a high school relationship-- Her mom passed away about 5 months before we started dating, and about a year before we started dating, I was diagnosed with MS ( I was 17 years old). So, I felt we were just on such a different level of life, and knew how terrible it could be. We talked about it often, and as I type this it still kills me how she could just leave...

We took our first "break" after she got back from a trip to new york city with her family, she said she just needed time with her friends and to be away from me. Well, about 3 days in to the break I was so heartbroken I just had to talk to her, So i went and picked her up and we talked and she ended up saying she missed what we had. On her way out the door, she ended up slamming her thumb in my door, and i didn't even know she did it until she texted me about two hours later. Her dad had to leave town for a week on work, but she needed someone to take her to the E.R. I of course rushed over, spent the entire day and night with her and just took amazing care of her that whole week, out of pure love. After that night, we ended up getting back together and everything was just so perfect for a few months. I even helped her paint her entire room, we even spent about 20 hours painting a huge picture of a sun on her wall. I did countless things just out of pure love for her, I didn't care how long it took or how much money it cost, I did it for her and to be with her. (Brought her groceries and power ade, and soup and everything when she got the flu, even brought her cough drops and medicine to help her sleep, even stayed with her not caring if I got sick too.)

On the Saturday before Easter, she had just gotten back from spring break with her family. (again coming back from vacation) I knew from the moment she didn't text me a goodnight or anything she was changing once again.

I saw her and told her how much I missed her and everything else, she looked at me and gave me a very false look of love and a fake smile, followed by a love-less kiss. I knew what was going to happen. Long story short, i told her how different she was acting, she denied it at first but then said, "I just realized you care a lot more about this relationship than I do" and that "Being she enjoyed being a lone, and didn't miss me at all" on her spring break. She went on to say, "I'm not saying we will never date again, I just need time to myself" and that "I deserve someone so much better, and I shouldn't wait for her to figure things out." What really hurt, was she said "I don't think I'll date anyone for a really long time" and that our Relationship went "Too fast".

Even when i was diagnosed with this terrible disease, the pain didn't compare to what I feel now. I would go through being jabbed with needles a million times again before feeling this pain. What is she thinking? Why did she run? Is she afraid of commitment? will she come back?

[cmacattack1]

Feelings change all the time. You can't help how you feel and if she doesn't feel it anymore, she doesn't feel it anymore. You would think anybody would be happy to have what you provide and it's very perplexing when it just isn't enough. It doesn't sound like she was prepared for this when it first began and was still trying to cope with it throughout the whole relationship. This wasn't just out of the blue was it? You could you see the signs pointing up to this before Spring Break when you look back on it right?

Especially at this point of our lives when we are growing up very fast and changing constantly, it's very common to be scared of commitment this early on. I don't want to say she's insensitive too, but you having a debilitating disease could be hurting any future plans she may see with you as well. I can imagine the pain you are going through and your love for her isn't just going to go away. The guilt she is going through has to be very difficult so I don't know if the book of you two is completely over yet. However, this is what she is wanted and all you can do is let her have what she wants, and the consequences it comes with.

I don't think the love you have is very common at your age and the way you could show it is very different. Take pride in the fact that you have this powerful a feeling for somebody and are able to offer what many men won't or even can't provide. I can sadly admit that I have never felt the way you have felt about this girl and I have a few years and a few more relationships on you. Maybe she will realize what she missed, and maybe she won't. There isn't really much you can do or say. I'm sorry.

Just keep all the pain and anguish and things you want to say and the things you feel away from her. Vent them anyway possible but to her. You won't accomplish anything if you make her feel guilt or pain you are feeling.

[Teddy057]

She would go through these phases, one week be totally obsessed and be with me 24/7, the next be somewhat distant. Literally two weeks ago she was with me everyday asking what I was going to wear to her sister's wedding in June. How can a person just turn this off? Why haven't I slept in 3 days, lost my entire appetite, and she hasn't lost a wink of sleep.

[lahnnabell]

How do you know she isn't losing sleep? You don't. Or you're stalking her a bit, which you should stop doing. You can't turn it off. You have to ride it out by not contacting her at all. I know you don't want to let her go, but pestering her with phone calls and messages will only frustrate her and drive her further away.

[Teddy057]

I haven't been pestering her with phone calls or texts, in fact, the last time i said anything to her was on Easter when she said, "I hope you're doing okay. Happy Easter." I said, "I hope you are too. Happy easter "

[lahnnabell]

Well, regardless, that friendly banter is only further messing with your head. Best to cut it off at the source and go full no contact from now on. Unless you want to suffer some more.

[cmacattack1]

She would go through these phases, one week be totally obsessed and be with me 24/7, the next be somewhat distant. Literally two weeks ago she was with me everyday asking what I was going to wear to her sister's wedding in June. How can a person just turn this off? Why haven't I slept in 3 days, lost my entire appetite, and she hasn't lost a wink of sleep.

You know somebody is confused about how they feel when they give you a pattern (or more lack thereof) of this kind of behavior. When they are all happy to see you and other times are cold and distant. It's one thing to have a bad day or be in a funk, but if it happens repeatedly, you have to look more to their actions instead of their words. I can say I did the same thing and I was trying to figure out my feelings on my own too. When you love somebody and you get so hurt and confused as to why they are acting this way, all you can do is just give them some space to figure things out. If you try to squeeze them too tightly during this and shower them with your love, you'd think you could make them feel better and make everything okay. However, it doesn't work out like that and just pushes them away. Lord knows why.

[lostlars]

maybe shes scared to be in love with you because she doesnt know how to handle your diagnostic? just a thought...maybe its all to overwhelming with her being so young and all. Give her time and in the meantime meet other people. Only time will tell if she is the one.

[Jas_mine]

I understand that one can truly never know what goes on in a relationship other than the two people involved themselves and that there are always two sides to a story but sounds like maybe it all got rather intense for her - the idea that you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with at high school can either be totally amazing or absolutely suffocating, and it seems like it was the latter for her. She has probably thought 'but surely life begins after high school - is this it for me now?'. All you can do is give her space, let her live and experience life, the more you try to tie her down the more she will pull away. Can't honestly say she will ever return to you - she can only realise what you mean to her after she moves on - she may date other guys and go on to find her 'one' or she may go on to date other guys and realise that nobody compares to you and that it was always you - sometimes people need to experiment to figure things out, and I know, it sucks.

Think the fact that she would go all distant on you after holidays/time apart unfortunately speaks volumes - it it either 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' or 'out of sight, out of mind' and you don't need me to tell you which one it was in your case. It hurts but healthy, loving relationships should not be like that - time apart should naturally make you pine for your lover, make your heart ache, make you miss them intensely. The fact that she goes away and decides to call it off after returning suggests that her holidays have given her space to think clearly and figure out what she wants, maybe even realise what she's missing out on, she's young and wants to have fun, her holidays remind her of this.

As for all that you do for her, does she do anything for you? Seems fairly one-sided. Relationships are about give and take, about balance and compromise, not just what the other person can do for you or the most you can get out of them. Rather selfish, no? You need to re-evaluate things if this happens to ring true, sometimes we just desperately want to believe that our relationships are pefect that we block out the warning signs or make excuses. You need to stop doing things for her, stop being there for her, simply put: stop caring, as hard as it is to put into practice. It puts her in an awkward position too. I know that if I were trying to shake somebody off and they kept on with their kindness, well, it would make me feel guilty and indebted to them. And you don't want somebody to get back together with you for a bit just purely out of guilt or pity. You can't force somebody to feel something they don't, step back and let her get her mind right, she is obviously not in the same place anymore, doesn't mean she can never get back there again but doesn't necessarily mean she will either. It's tough, I know. Focus on yourself, the rest will follow.

[Teddy057]

She did a lot for me too, that's why this is so painful... I do understand what everyone is saying, she just needs to find herself and see if she's missing out on life... I hope shecomes back but, I'm not sure she ever will.. I haven't heard from her since Sunday..

[Teddy057]

I have decided to give her until sunday, which will be 1 full week of no contact, i'm going to write her a letter saying how heartbroken I am and asking if she even misses me the slightest bit.. If she says no, I'm going to delete everything that reminds me of her, delete her from my friends on facebook, from my phone, even her relatives off my facebook. I just can't take being reminded of her, this hurts way too bad.

[cmacattack1]

I have decided to give her until sunday, which will be 1 full week of no contact, i'm going to write her a letter saying how heartbroken I am and asking if she even misses me the slightest bit.. If she says no, I'm going to delete everything that reminds me of her, delete her from my friends on facebook, from my phone, even her relatives off my facebook. I just can't take being reminded of her, this hurts way too bad.

It's very common to want to reach out for one last attempt, one last shot. To catch them while they are emotionally, before they start dating other people to strike at their emotions and make them think it was a mistake. Which is what you want to do with the letter. What do you realistically expect to happen? For her to come running back and everything be perfect again? You know that that isn't going to happen. Even if it did, it would end up like it did the first time you guys split. You haven't been apart long enough for either of you to mature or change and if the same people get back together, it's logically not going to work out. Talking about how heartbroken you are seems like you are trying to guilt her back more than anything. And you don't even need to ask whether she misses you or not. She does, you don't just forget about somebody of this long this quickly.

Even the most rottenest relationships, the dumper will still miss the good things that person they dumped provided. It's impossible and she's nowhere near ready to be dating somebody else again. If she is, most likely than not it will not work out or if does work out, you will be forgotten about. There isn't anything you can do about it. If she wants to be away from you, you have to give her her space. She's hurting too and any reminder of what she has done and what she is leaving behind is more likely just going to hurt her more. You don't want to do that to her do you? All you can do is suffer in silence and trudge on. It takes alot of guts and alot of character to push through this on your own. You are on your own because she is the only one that is going to make you feel better and she isn't here to help you. Ready or not, you have to stand up to the challenge.

You always have us if you are ever getting through a rough patch or a rough day and need somebody to vent or talk to. It's not much, but it's something. As long as she or your mutual friends aren't involved, you can do whatever you want or need to get by.

[Teddy057]

Thank you so much She just texted me asking, "How are you?". Which is very puzzling, it almost seems as if this is some big game she's playing. I haven't responded, and im not sure if i will. Why did she text me?

[cmacattack1]

This is why not writing a letter is good and absolute silence is better. She will be wondering the same about you and will attempt to contact you. It's funny how not contacting them will get them to contact you. All the sudden you are silent, you aren't there as a cushion or to talk to, and it is a scary feeling for them. I wouldn't read too much into it, I have a feeling she is just testing the waters to see if you are there or not. Don't take this as a sign that she wants to reconcile or anything like that. I'd give it a little while and then just give her a one word response such as "I'm doin' okay". Let her know that she isn't the top priority anymore. I know it seems like a game, but if you are trying to keep yourself busy, it won't be a game and it won't be a trick. You will really be unavailable to her.

[Teddy057]

Wow, this is ridiculous. Listen to this text. "It isn't like I didn't miss you. Don't think this doesn't kill me because not a day has passed that I haven't cried, I barely eat and I can't even concentrate on my school work. The stress this has given me is more then i've ever had in my life. I just need to be by myself and I dont want to hurt you. When I have to txt someone and check up with them it freaks me out. This relationship was heading for a perminance and i cant pretend that im ready for that. I still love you. Idk what i need right now and you do. It wasnt fair to you. What else should I've done?" This was after i asked her who she was, because two weeks ago she said how much our relationship has grown..