Unsatisfied in bed by my man- would like a mans point of view

[fluffybunny]

Hi, im in a right mess, please can someone help prefrably a man!!!
ive been with my partner for a year now, i only see him a couple of times a week as he lives over an hour away.
He says he loves and all that, but in the bedroom its pretty crap.
he will have a grope at my boobs and a kiss thats about it, every couple of months he will go down on me.and ive told him thats the only way i can orgasm (orally)
Im not the easiest person to have an orgasm, but never had any problems with any other man before.Infact theve loved every minuite, this one doesnt seem to be THAT interested
he tries to give me an orgasm but it doesnt work,i dont even get worked up, because he doesnt seem to touch me properly i even bought a hitachi wand which is fab, but he never says to me get it out when hes had an orgasm even though i asked him if he doesnt like sex toys...he says it doesnt bother him.
so either he isnt really bothered about me having an orgasm or he doesnt like toys.
i really cant weigh him up, at first i thought he was just inexperienced but now im thinking hes just a bit selfish, weve had talks on this subject before and i get know where....one time he said "so basicly im crap in bed" i didnt know what to say as i dont want to hurt him.
Ive had enough now though i dont even look forward to sex anymore
what can i do apart from dump him AGAIN lol

[sookie6]

Honestly..;you are not compatible sexually (he seems to have hang-ups and slow sex drive while you seem pretty liberated).

No chemistry in bed means lack of intimacy in general.

You need to rethink your feelings for this man...are you sure you're in love?

[fluffybunny]

I dont know. i think i could be more IN LOVE if he treated me right in bed, because hes a really nice guy

[sookie6]

Fluffy..;warning bells on this.

Pardon my lack of understanding for this man but I was myself in a situation where I settled for crappy sex with a man for years (I was young and thought this was not so important).

It turns up that we really had nothing in common at the end. He was pretty much a selfish man. He had no intuition or sensitivity to another perons needs...

This kinda man never cheats on you but you never really feel close to them.

[kai]

I think you should talk to him. Like a serious talk. If he doesn't listen, it's time to move on. It's not right to be selfish in bed.

[fluffybunny]

i have talked to him numerous times ive ended it a dozen times!!

sookie your right....i dont feel close to him at all, its such a shame, but he cant understand what hes doing wrong

[dewilliams2]

You either have to get through to the guy talking and make sure he understands you wanta get your rocks off as well and maybe offer to coach him a little bit...I mean tell him some things to do...that really doesn't bother me when a woman asks for certain things to do.

If you can't get this worked out though I say you should walk away for the 13th time....sex is a very important part of any healthy relationship.

[girl68]

I don't think YOU are putting any effort into it. How come YOU don't grab your toy and get it out and hand it over with a shy smile? How come YOU don't guide his hands to where you want to be touched and moan real loud when he hits the right spot? It sounds like you lie back and wait for him to screw up then talk to him about how unsatisfied you are.

[Incognito]

I'll only comment here because you wanted more opinions from men than anything. Both sookie6 and girl68 are right. You should probably take girl68's advice first and TELL him exactly what to do once or twice instead of just lamenting that you aren't getting off. Perhaps you have done this, but you didn't say so. If he is still clueless or selfish then its time to go. Lack of satisfing sex in a relationship causes the disconnect that sookie6 referred to and the same disconnect that you say you are starting to experience. If there is too much of a rift you might simply consider dumping him.

[fluffybunny]

I don't think YOU are putting any effort into it. How come YOU don't grab your toy and get it out and hand it over with a shy smile? How come YOU don't guide his hands to where you want to be touched and moan real loud when he hits the right spot? It sounds like you lie back and wait for him to screw up then talk to him about how unsatisfied you are.

Ermmm excuse me I HAVE DONE ALL THAT and i DONT WANT TO HAVE to do that, he SHOULD be making me feel good
Ive told him what to do what i like etc.....im not a 16 year old so dont talk to me like one!!
grrrrr some people on forums do my bloody head in lol
In my opinion a guy HAS to make a woman feel WANTED, DESIRED, LOVED etc... i AM NOT feeling that at all.
does anyone else understand what i mean???

[girl68]

You've taken the toy out? How come you say he doesnt' take the toy out? It's YOUR toy, YOU get it. I wouldn't want to touch you either.

[Incognito]

Fluffybunny, you should be more descriptive. We can only go on the information you give us. Do you actually want him to stop going down on you, unpack the toy, come back, turn it on and use it on you? Or, do you simply have it ready to go sitting next to you as a hint?

[Gigabitch]

He's not ultimately responsible for making you feel good- you are. Part of that is picking the right guy. Part of it is being proactive about getting what you need in bed.

[misombra]

eh i don't know. sounds like the kind of guy that would turn off if you tried to give him any direction. you've talked to him about it and you're just not compatible. some guys just don't care about that kind of thing. they're called "freaks of nature." it's nice that he's nice but there's lots of nice guys that know how to please a woman and aren't afraid to.

[vashti]

I'm with sookie on this... he sounds selfish to me. Get rid of him before you end up knocked up, and are really stuck for good.