I get possesive about my gf when she speaks to other guys and fear she might leave me

[Maxy]

Hi guys,this is my first post on this forum so please be a bit easy on me.I will give you a bit of background on our relationships and all the ups and downs it has been through

Ok..I loved a girl secretly since my school days.I didn't know if she loved me back then in school,but just a year before she confessed her love to me.At that time I was just a bit surprised.I wanted to say yes I too love you to her but I had a problem.My parents literally hated her family.I had to listen to my parents cause they are paying for my education.So I refused to here.

But I couldn't hold myself back,especially after knowing that even she too loved me.So after a few days I told her that I too loved her.Then again after a few days I said I don't love you because I didn't want her to face any problems later.I explained it to her that my parents dont like her.She agreed, but she said If you change your mind I will be waiting for you.Again after a few days I said I love you..and I again after that said I dont love you .I mean I kept jumping in an out of relationship.I did this 7 to 8 times over a period of 8 months.She used to cry for the whole night yet I kept my heart like a stone.

But just a 3 months before I realized how she must be feeling about all this.I mean she loved somebody for the first time in her life and failed.I realized how bad I had been to her.I decided to rectify everything.I decided I will be courageous and stand up for my love and wouldn't care about the future or wat my parents would say.So I went up to her and said I love you and come what may I am not leaving you again and she accepted me.

Now I love here too much,I care for her and I don't want to lose her again.I always try to keep her happy.I cant see her sad even for a moment.I asked her does she still feel bad about the past.She says no and that she has already forgotten everything of it.But the guilt of being bad to somebody innocent still remains in me.

Now we have moved away from each other to complete our graduations.We are almost 1600 miles away from each other.We text regularly and speak on phone quite often.She often tells me about her friends at her college.Some of them guys.I do know those guys and I do know that some of them aren't good guys.They always try to flirt out with girls.I told here not to speak to them and she has stopped speaking to them.But sometimes there are guys I don't know.This is when I get worried.She tells me that they often chat late at night.Go out to have fun together and all.I told her I don't like her speaking to other guys so late at night.She said she wont do it again.But now I get jealous if she speaks to any other guy than me.I know jealousy isn't a good thing.But I cant help it.I don't want to be jealous.I always fear that she might leave me someday because of the way I had been to her in the past.And because of That I act a lot of possessive.I know if she leaves me there are other girls in this world.But I don't want anybody other than her for my life.She too says that she wont leave me and would die the day I leave her..yet I fear she might leave me because of the past..and this fear is eating me up from within..I just want to get rid of this fear !!!

[kisswithafist]

ok well you were a bit stupid in the past.

telling her you love her then you dont love her, i wouldnt have gave you a second chance.

The thing is you cant stop her from speaking to guys and she's told you she's stopped talking to the ones you dont like but chances are she hasnt, and she shouldnt either. its not up to you, and what exactly is she suppose to say ''sorry my boyfriend says i cant talk to you''. i very much doubt shes done that. and if she has you should be ashamed of yourself, you'd be making her look stupid, if you love her and she loves you then chill out.

she gave you chance after chance when you were messing her about before so she obviously does love you. she tells you she's talking to these boys so its not a secret, if she feels confident to tell you about her male friends then you show her the same respect and have confidence in her.

[Incognito]

I know what you mean about your gf talking to other guys late when you're not around. It gives you that cold, tight knot in the bottom of your stomach, but you have to learn to trust her. Your motive for feeling this way is absolutely twisted, and will eventually cause your relationship to fail. Allow me to explain.... YOU feel guilty about what YOU did in the past, yet you are punishing her by telling her who she can and can't talk to or go out with. You first dictated that she not speak to the guys that you knew (because you claim that they weren't "good"), ok fair enough. However, you then dictate that she cannot talk to/ hang out with guys that you don't even know. At this rate you'll find yourself telling her not to talk to anyone in the future. All because YOU feel guilty. If she has forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself. You also need to drop the possessive bit because it will eventually erode your relationship to the point that the love that exists now will be gone, which will make it easy for her to leave.

[QueenofCorona]

Its tough but you have to give her some credit, if you assume she'll just run off with one of those guys you aren't thinking very highly of her. Just because she talks to other guy friends doesn't mean she wants them around other than a friend. She's 1600 miles away, its probably good she has a couple guy friends around to watch over her or help her if something happened.

I have to ask, do you have girl acquaintances/friends?

[Maxy]

Ya I do have girl acquaintances.But I do keep them at a distance.My girlfriend did ask me too stay away from couple of them and I do stay away.Anyways Now I have decided to just forget everything about past and look forwards to a better tommorow.

[Rich]

Few things:

1. I know this feeling sucks. Me and my gf are going to uni in the near future and I'm already worryin about this stuff a bit lol.
2. I dont think she is the type of girl to cheat on you because of all the chances she gave you in the past. Gives me the impression she wants to be with you.
2A. IF she cheats, then surely she wouldnt make a good gf and you'd be better with someone else.
3. I dont think your doing yourself any favours telling her not to talk to some people. If you carry on doing this its just gonna make her feel like getting with someone else I think.
4. I think the best way to make this horrible feeling go away (and I feel your pain mate) is to just chill out and have a good time with your friends, it might take your mind off it. Or do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself, like go to the gym or something.

Hope this has helped, this is some of the stuff I'm gonna be doing/thinking when me and the gf go to different uni's.

Regards
Rich

[Maxy]

Thanks Rich I am just goin to get my mind off all these things for now.I am planning to go out for a weekend trip with her the next time I return.May be someplace romantic.

[cmacattack1]

There are always going to be doubts about what will happen in the future. If you are doing everything you can to possibly be supportive of this girl and meet all her needs, you shouldn't have to feel jealous or have to tell her what to do and who to stay away from. Which is a daunting task being so far away. Many guys can't even get the communication right, me being a shining example. Just keep your mind open, listen, talk to her, have a plan or something to always look forward to and just be the best boyfriend you can be and constantly strive to be better if this is what you want. Being possessive is going to push her away, right into the arms of another guy. You can't help how she feels and if she is going to turn her back on you to be with somebody else with you being the best you can be, that should be a clear cut sign that maybe she wasn't the right girl for you. At least at this period in time.

Nothing can replace trust and sincerity in a relationship.