Wife sends me a text message about sex????

[Midgey]

Wow, I am lost??

But from the surface i see a woman who needs approval.....?? Or has serious issues about opening up, can i ask, is she Cancerian?

Where did the whole self righteous stuff come from?

[Indignant]

I've read all of his posts. He's been here for weeks.

and? nothing but complaining?

[Indignant]

Wow, I am lost??

But from the surface i see a woman who needs approval.....?? Or has serious issues about opening up, can i ask, is she Cancerian?

Where did the whole self righteous stuff come from?

Midgey, this is only one side of the story. All of us are able to express the worst impression of others and the most positive of ourselves.

[Midgey]

Yeah i get that !!

Everyone who tells a story will put some sort of spin on it so they turn out the good guy.

[Neo(n)]

Well this girl sounds very much like how i would have ended up if i was still with one of my ex's. (like scarily)

To me it seems like she'swith you becasue she is worried about being single or she doesn't want to lose you becasue of how you two used to be, and she's using sex as the way she believes she can rekindle the love you had. Someone i know once told me, "men you love for sex and women use sex for love," and this is a prime example of that. you want to rekindle that emotional bond you had so that you two can make love like you used to, whereas she believes that if you two have sex then you will both start to bond again, and those conflicting views are unfortunately mutually exclusive. It seems like you are trying to do things naturally whereas she is consciously trying to make it work which is like mechanically created love.

I'm not entirely sure what to suggest but if you really want it to work then you should both sit down and have a chat about just this, but don't make it her fault, talk about it as if you both have problems and that something needs to be done rather than putting the whole blame on either of you. But if you don't, then it's best if you both sit down, explain how you two don't click anymore and that it's best you go your seperate ways.

Ps: if she thought relationship stuff was awkward, then personally i don't think getting back together was a good idea, becasue she's obviously not in it for you, she's in it because she doesn't want to be single, so ironically thats probably exaclt what she needs to be.

[starbuck]

Incognito, do you feel like you need someone's permission to leave your wife? There were plenty of posters (including myself in your other thread) who advised at least a separation. Your wife seems incapable of showing you affection and it sounds to me like she's staying in the marriage for financial security and not out of love or an emotional connection with you.

No one's going to blame you for getting the hell out of it.

[IndiReloaded]

Indi, did you read ALL of his posts? please tell me you didn't

I've read some of his previous stuff, so I'm pretty sure I get what's going on. But no, I didn't have time to read all that.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, I'm caught up. Here we go:

Something seems off about this whole situation. Why did you two get married? You seem to have a thing for porn, sex but you are saying you didn't even have sex until you were married?? Something is off about that. Did she refuse? If so, why? That would have been an important red flag for you.

Plus, she already had a kid from another relationship? Usually, that is dealbreaker for most men, so the woman involved had better have a cape with a big 'S' coming out of her snatch to snag that ring. Not to mention being a great cook, housekeeper and generally adoring her man. At least until the vows are said and papers signed.

She doesn't have a job? WTF? So, not only are you not getting any, but you are supporting this woman with a kid that isn't even yours??

Now, while I agree with Dig that you wife no doubt has her story too, I'm a bit confused as to what it is you are getting out of this marriage AND why you stay considering you really don't seem to be benefiting from the arrangement. Did she agree to marry you as a convict? Were you a sexual perv at some point and she can't really get over that? Is her father a member of the Russian mafia? Did she pull you out of a burning building and save your life?

Your story just isn't adding up for me, Incog.

Still, my advice based on your posts is the same as many others: get some counselling. You could both use some new communication strategies to reduce the amount of times your interactions go sideways. Some of your comments to your wife that you posted could definitely have been said differently such that she wouldn't have got her back up.

Counselling will also help you address your willingness to tolerate such a dissatisfying relationship. Don't you think you deserve better? Anyway, if you work on things for certain amount of time (say a year), you manage to improve and she doesn't, or won't engage, then I would think divorce is a perfectly reasonable option. Its not just out of selfishness on your part either. Don't you think that SHE deserves to be with someone who makes her happy? Maybe she lacks the strength to see that a divorce might be the best solution for both of you, longterm, if your differences are irreconcilable.

Think about it.

[Gigabitch]

and? nothing but complaining?

I think he has valid issues. He has a real problem he needs help with. He's not here to cause trouble (at least he doesn't seem to be). He doesn't really start shit with other posters and keeps his stuff in his own threads. His internet behavior is exemplary.

[Junket]

I sent my g/f a cheesy text the other day during my lunch break that said, "Today is as beautiful as you are!".

Do you know how many points I scored with that?

I cashed them in that night.

[Aeradalia]

I sent my g/f a cheesy text the other day during my lunch break that said, "Today is as beautiful as you are!".

Do you know how many points I scored with that?

I cashed them in that night.

Agrees...

My bf was feeling down about his job in general... so I wrote a letter explaining how pivotal his job was and how much he meant to me. He hasn't stopped smiling since... even a few days since afterglow.

Never underestimate affirmations and compliments... they can open doors and make life so much sweeter.

[Indignant]

I am not really understanding people who suggest breaking up right off the bat. Don't relationships mean anything anymore? I was told in my class that in USA a 5 year realtionship is considered to be long term because people are too lazy to WORK on themselves and much more eager to jump from one person to another.

[Indignant]

I think he has valid issues. He has a real problem he needs help with. He's not here to cause trouble (at least he doesn't seem to be). He doesn't really start shit with other posters and keeps his stuff in his own threads. His internet behavior is exemplary.

yeah, i totally agree with you about him being legit and that he is a fine member of LF community (which i can't say for myself obviously).

[starbuck]

I am not really understanding people who suggest breaking up right off the bat. Don't relationships mean anything anymore? I was told in my class that in USA a 5 year realtionship is considered to be long term because people are too lazy to WORK on themselves and much more eager to jump from one person to another.

He said his wife refuses to go to counselling. They've been together five years and no changes on either side. If she won't do counselling and neither one of them will change, then I think breaking up is totally reasonable to suggest.

Life's too short to be that miserable.

[Aeradalia]

I am not really understanding people who suggest breaking up right off the bat. Don't relationships mean anything anymore? I was told in my class that in USA a 5 year realtionship is considered to be long term because people are too lazy to WORK on themselves and much more eager to jump from one person to another.

On the flip side... many Americans were raised up thinking the Soviets would follow a lost cause to the grave... because they fail to realize when it's TOO LATE to make a difference.

Which stereotype do you think is closer to the truth?

Neither...

As for the OP's post... if nothing has changed in years and neither side is willing to give than you have an impasse... which is a lose/lose situation. Nothing wrong with jumping ship in such circumstances because the only person you can really ever change is yourself.