Hopelessly Looking for Hope

[Neo(n)]

Hey, i'm currently 18 and single and have been for just over a year now. I'd say i'm not very mentally stable. I'm moderately depressed and believe i'm the cause of all my problems and therefore the only cure.

I have a few things troubling me currently. First off, every time i try to better myself; improve my confidence, my self esteem or whatever i always end up making little to no progress and just feeling totally hopeless at the end of it. Secondly recently as the weather is getting warmer, when it's sunny you get that kinda rush of happiness thinking about the good summer days you have ahead of you, but litterally seconds after that rush i just lose it all and get a really strong feeling of lonliness that makes me feel depressed, worthless and as if i'm gona be single for the rest of my young adult life if not the rest of my entire life. Finally i'm starting to form quite a crush on this girl who goes to my college, but i don't have the confidence to talk to her and even if i did i wouldn't know what to say becasue i really worry that ill end upcoming off wierd or as really boring, which are two of my biggest insecurities.

Now i really need some help because i feel like i've reached rock bottom. I want to improve myself and strengthern my confidence, but every time i try i end up getting worse and hating myself more. I've actually gotten to the stage where i couldn't care less if i lived or died past tomoro becasue it's all gona be the same hopeless torture i'm currently experiencing, and i know if this keeps getting worse there's only one direction i can see it going, and i don't think ill live to see the end of next year at this rate, which is rediculose.

Now i recon most replies will be stuff like, pull yourself together it's you that is causing you to feel these problems, and stuff like that, but i just feel like i need something more. I dunno what but i need something that is gona, i dunno, sort of give me that jump or something that assures me there is a way, or some advice of how i could get this sorted out, and i'm 100% sure i'm not gona be able to get through this on my own, and i don't want to have to bore my mates with all this dreary shit, and even if they would want to help i don't want to come off as if i'm making a huge deal out of some pointless shit that everyone goes through, which is kinda how i feel about all this atm.

My head is just soo ****ed up i can't get any of my thoughts straight and i just want to scream it all out of me or reset my mind and totally start over becasue it's all slowly eating away at my sanity, and it's really starting to scare me.

Please help =(

[Kippy]

I been thru this... and still going it....

The only way I can actually kinda get over it is just to have fun with the girl i like... enjoy every moments. Even, I confessed to her and rejected. But still I am still kinda happy. I keep telling myself that, getting someone to like you be it by fate or by chance. You still have to put in some of your own effort. I also those guy who believe things dont come easy if you don't fight for it. But at the same time, I also afraid I lose my sense of support to her and try to take it easy.

[MissAnn]

If you really can't shake ongoing feelings of despair and/or worthlessness it may be worth getting assessed for depression? I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time.

[Gigabitch]

I want to know what your diet is like. One thing depression does is knock out your desire to take care of yourself and thus begins a vicious cycle- you feel like crap because you're not eating right and exercising because you feel like crap. It's hard to stop.

[uri]

I think I'm going through the same difficult time as you but I think I know my problem but not how to fix it. I realized that my standards in women are simply too high and that I simply can't get the women I want because they are quite out of my league.

This may be an alien concept to some men but one thing to remember is that women are not objects and they deserve to be treated as living and breathing human beings. Women have the same rights and value as men. However some men don't know this. Many times I wish I were a woman, my life would be so much simpler and better if I was a woman. In fact I am considering getting surgically castrated and join a church or a monastery.

I think the best solution to these kind of problems is simply having to lower one's standards and to lower one's expectations and not to go for the most attractive women out there.

[the_robot]

Man, don't let it get to you...

First of all, you need to try to talk to that girl, may not be easy if you are shy or don't know what to say, but if you find out something you both like you can talk about it.
The reaching bottom, it's just a bad feeling, I know a lot worse cases than yours, like mine for instance.. gonna be 21 this year and I haven't still even kissed a girl or anything related... I'm really depressed because I feel like a complete looser even though I know I'm not a looser except for my social life maybe... I think you should watch your diet like Gigabitch says.

[Doc Durian]

Summertime is great for enjoying the Outdoors and doing physical things.

Find a summertime hobby activity which gets you out in the sunshine (Vitamin D-Happiness) and gets the endorphins flowing.

You don't realize how much of a difference exercise, diet, and sunshine make to a person's happiness.

I work odd hours and sometimes don't see much sunlight for weeks at a time, but I have a TDP FIR lamp at my desk and a sauna to jump into every day.

Plenty of H20 and vitamins, reasonable nutrition, and you'll look and feel 15 years younger than your counterparts.

Plus the sea. If you're close to one... swim in it regularly.. snorkel or scuba.

I like to get out of work, hit the beach.. snorkel for an hour, grab whatever edible sea life I can find, eat it, come home, listen to some great tunes, plot world domination, grab some TDP waves, hit the sauna, hit the shower, then hit the sack for 8 pure hours of sleep.

It's been the difference of happy outlook and a dreary outlook in my life... doing what makes me happy.

Find your own happiness.

That translates

[Neo(n)]

I want to know what your diet is like. One thing depression does is knock out your desire to take care of yourself and thus begins a vicious cycle- you feel like crap because you're not eating right and exercising because you feel like crap. It's hard to stop.

Well, i have a bowl of cereal (not sugar filled stuff) every morning, a sandwitch at lunch, and a propper meal every evening, smoothies when i havn't had much fruit and drink water quite frequently but probably not enough. i have started going down the gym once a week with a free college thingy and am planning on getting a subscription and going maybe twice a week when that thing is over. so i would so i have an alright diet, however i don't really eat much during the day but normally quite a lot in the evenings, i'm slightly underweight but i think that's mainly becasue i'm, lets say, not the bulkiest of guys.

Also one thing i have realised, i normally end up feeling down when i realise i'm feeling happy. it's wierd. It's kinda like the only times i feel happiest and stay happy is when i'm doing something thats totally sepearate from the social side of my life. like sitting listening to music, talking in the sites while im walking somewhere, it's kinda like all my unhappiness if comming from the social side of my life. I have a few good mates, i think it may be two things. Lonliness and worrying about people thinking im a horrible person for whatever reason, like people thinking i'm a mean, selfish, careless, boring dickhead. I think that is one of the reasons i have such low cofidence. becasue i believe that any girl i like, deserves better than me because no matter what they're like, i'm going to be a horrid dissapointment and i'm gona be left sobbing in the gutter after falling for them just for giving me a shot.

Btw how do you get tested for depression? last time i was worried about this i went to the docot told them i thought i might be depressed and they were like, "well, what do you want me to do, there isn't a test for depression, i could give you a questionnaire or something." I did the questionnaire and it came out as moderately depressed, so i'm pretty sure i am, but them sometimes i feel as if i'm not im just making myself believe i am for some stupid reason =(

[Gigabitch]

Even if you were diagnosed with depression, the onus would still be on you to do something about it. Drugs are for emergencies.

Doc is right. Get out into the sun. It really helps. What are you doing this summer? Could you get a job outside?

[the_robot]

The only way you'll know if you are a dissapointment for that girl is by letting her get to know you, you have to get over your mind and try it, judge yourself trough what others think about you and not what you think..

There's no "blood test" for depression, you might have some hormone levels ****ed up that can make you depressed, like low thyroid and such, but there's really no way to tell if you are depressed other than how you feel.

[Neo(n)]

Doc is right. Get out into the sun. It really helps. What are you doing this summer? Could you get a job outside?

Well my current job is the worst for this lol. Argos stockroom, there are windows, but they are borded up with wooden pannels, and im pretty sure the lighting in there isn't strong enough because i feel tired when i'm working and, as i've been learning in psychology, a lack of light means it's time to sleep according to the brain, and sleep = low serotonin levels the neuro transmitter connected with happiness. But i can't imagine that my part time job is causing me to become depressed! i work friday evenings and saturday and sunday with college during the week, so i don't have any days that are just for relaxing i have to make do with evenings during the week and mornings at the weekend, i can see why that could be problematic.

I think that talking to people i don't know more is a definate way to help this, but i don't know where to start and have never been good at socialising and making friends, i don't even really know how to start a conversation like at all with someone i don't know. i don't think i would be able to get passed hi even.

[Gigabitch]

Then get a job at Starbucks. You'll talk to people all day.

[Neo(n)]

That was one of the places i applied for, and it would be good becasue there are a lot of people my age who starbucks it. However i like working withthe people i work with. i am gona make the most of the summer. morning jogg's, spending time hanging arround in parks with mates, beach and stuff.

I can just imagine that i will feel all lonely without a girlfriend to enjoy the summer with. I'm gona try and do something, maybe see if any of my mates know anyone i could meet or whatever just try get myself out there, i can imagine that had potential.

[Doc Durian]

That was one of the places i applied for, and it would be good becasue there are a lot of people my age who starbucks it. However i like working withthe people i work with. i am gona make the most of the summer. morning jogg's, spending time hanging arround in parks with mates, beach and stuff.

I can just imagine that i will feel all lonely without a girlfriend to enjoy the summer with. I'm gona try and do something, maybe see if any of my mates know anyone i could meet or whatever just try get myself out there, i can imagine that had potential.

Whether it's THIS summer or NEXT summer, your intended activities will bring you closer to someone you'd love to meet and who would love to meet you.

So be stoic, yet happy.

Get out there, do your thang and it will all work out for the best.

Honestly, I know this for a fact...100 percent.

[Neo(n)]

Whether it's THIS summer or NEXT summer, your intended activities will bring you closer to someone you'd love to meet and who would love to meet you.

So be stoic, yet happy.

Get out there, do your thang and it will all work out for the best.

Honestly, I know this for a fact...100 percent.

thanx doc, great words. basically ignore all these feelings pretend they don't exist. just try to be happy and eventually the feelings will leve and be replaced by happier ones.
Being Stoic is something im confortable with, so i recon this could be the starting point i've been looking for =)