Hi all,
My name is Glenn and I am new to the board. I really need to vent and get some things off my chest. So if anyone is listening, thank you.
Where do i start? First of all my girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 2 years now. Our situations are completly different. She is 19 and in college, which is 90 miles away from where I live. For myself, I am 22 and focused on my career. I didnt do the whole dorm-life college thing and i started my career about 2 years ago. Pardon me for rambling but i want you to understand our situations. She has had a good upbringing with successful parents that have installed ambition that anyone would envy. She is motivated, trustworth,driven, ambitous and the kind of person that cant be content sitting around. I respect her more than anyone.She has a lot on her plate with school, crew, friends, family and our realtionship. As for me, i am not nearly as ambitious, but i do and have been exceling woth my career. I havent had a childhood to brag about and my parent aren't successful. I was also raised as a Jehovah's witness, in which i have completly turned away from. Oh, i also live on my own. So that's the backround.
We met nearly 2 years ago when she was a senior in high school. We dated for a few weeks before we started to be labled as a,"couple." I didnt think much of the realtionship at first, but then we fell in love. Head over heels in love. You all know what i am talking about. Everything was great, until she tells me that she will be going away to school. My initial reaction was that i wasnt going to be able to handle the long distance and i had all of those doubts. She convinced me that everything will be ok, that we will see each other on the weekends, breaks, vacations and so forth. So we both decided to try.
Her first year at school went fairly well. We saw each other every single weekend and everything felt right. Her parents continually told her that we were too attached and too close. She began to have doubts but we continued to remain very close. Talking to each other 5 times a day and so forth. This past summer was great. We were together everyday, i stayed at her house and she stayed at mine. During last year she was thinking about tranferring back down here. I never asked her to do it because i never wanted her to do anything that she didnt want to do, but i must admit, i was thrilled. As things panned out there wasnt enough of time to get all of the paperwork in and the school she was applying to doesnt let people transfer mid-semester.
Anyways, she is up in school and i am down here. She has changed her major to biology and her schedule is completly filled. She doesnt have as much as time as last year, so we dont nearly talk as much. When i talk to her it seems like she is losing interest, but what i think is happening is that she doesnt have much free time to herself, so she talks to me when she is doing things. She hasn't mentioned tranferring for next year and nor will she. She has made up her mind and i am ok with that.
The problems have started this year. I have had a hard time understanding how hectic her schedule really is, but i have been trying. My expectations going into this year have actually been higher because of the summer and all that. The truth is that they should of been lower. She jsut doenst have as much time for me as she did last year. For that, i have been unhappy and taking things out on her, leading to fighting. The fighting only happens when we are apart. When we are together, everything is back to the way it is. It really hurts that distance is putting so much of a strain on out relationship. Last month i was talking to her and all emotional. I wanted her exclusive attention at that particular time. I was upset and rambling, but she wasnt all there. She seemed to lose interest. I felt like i was talking to a completly different person. That made me angry, so that esculated into a fight. The final product was a break. It crushed me. I was so confused. Devistated might be the word to describe it. The next day she called me and apologized, so we got back together. SO we try and make things better but nothing changes. We continue to fight during the week and on the weekends nothing could go better. Its really hard to adapt to. I began to lose trust for her and doubht her and her love for me. She began to feel that she could never live up to my expectations. Which brought more and more pressure on her.I subconsciencely held that against her. So, last week i was feeling down and we proceeded to argue. I was hurt and i was either going to make her break up with me or she was going to try harder for us. My thinking wasnt justified. I was being a horrible b/f. We both came to the conclusion that a break was the answer.
The next day reality set in. I love this woman more than i could possible love anyone else. If we could, I would marry her today. I have had these feeling all along. I would do anything for us. Before, i told her i would transfer my job to be closer to her and she said no. That hurt. She thinks that she would want to spend all of her time with me and lose her friends and her college life. But, thats not what i want. I want her to enjoy her college life and do whatever she wants to do. I just want that security that i feel when she is down here. I am not overly controlling or anything, just insecure. I know she loves me. Now, she wants to have space. She wants to go out and meet new people. She wants to see if i am the one she wants to be with. She told me that she might want to hook up with someone else and i dont want or need anyone else. I have yet to have those desires. I feel this is true love and i am willing to do anything to make this work. I didnt call her for a few days and she was still upset. She said that we need to do this the right way and not jump right back into things because if we do and nothing changes that we would never be able to save our relationship. SHe said it is better to have these doubts now then to have them when she has to make huge life choices with grad-school,career and so forth. It was hard for me to take. After a few days i thought that it was right for us. Life is really tough and its hard not to talk to the one you love. I did a lot of thinking and evaluated our situation. The way i looked at it was this. I have 3 options. 1)Break it off complety and try and find someone else. 2) Let depression set in and alienate myself from any and everyone. 3) Support her and her decisions, give her as much time as needed. Be there for her, and jsut give her some space. Nummer 3 was the path i chose. She accepted my path. The doubts that i have now is of her intentions. She still feels like she should meet other people. She thinks its wrong to say I love you even tho she says she still loves me more than anything. AM i wrong in my decision? Is our love fading? Is there any hope? Should i try and meet other people? Should i accept the fact that it is over? Should i do what she wants me to do? I dont know what to think anymore. I am hurting badly. I love her so much and all i want is her. I think i need to be a patient man.
Help?