guys i need ur advice on why my guy is acting this way

[theann2258]

Ok so I am 18 and madly in love with my best friend. I am thoroughly confused about what to do about our relationship and thought maybe you guys could help so here is the story, and all advice or comments are welcome.

So I met my Robbie in middle school and went to school together all the way through high school and graduated together. But back then we couldn't stand each other, we really never took the time to get to know one another but we couldn't stand each other's guts. Well after we graduated I saw Robbie and his friend out one night and we casually talked and exchanged phone numbers to catch up on old times. Well we began just casually talking and figured out that we were going to the same college in the fall. We met up for lunch one day after the semester had begun and everything started from that point on. We began talking more and more, spending more times with each other, and really getting to know one another. I really liked what I was getting to know about this guy. He made me laugh and I loved that I could be myself around him. I have big issues with trust and opening up to guys due to past relationships. Well we both flirted with each other for a while and he would take me out and before I knew it I had strong feelings for this guy and he felt the same towards me. So then we started dating. Didn't last very long unfortunately before things got overwhelming for him and Robbie just had way too much going on in his life. We broke it off with him telling me that he thought I deserved better and deserved someone who could give me their full attention, something he wasn't able to do at the moment. Well we spent the next 2 months casually seeing each other at school and talking on a rare occasion. While I knew Robbie had never meant to hurt me, my heart was broken when he broke up with me. I really had never fallen in love with a guy before Robbie, but I had fallen in love with this guy. He is the most amazing guy I have ever met in my life. He inspires me to better myself, he encourages me, he does the sweetest things for me for no reason other than just because he can, and he is so modest and humble. He really amazes me and I feel so lucky to have finally found a guy like this. But when we split I really was devastated, I had become so attached to him and so used to having him in my life. He was the one person who could really understand me and that always had my back.

The new semester began in the spring and we had made our schedule the semester before when we were dating. We had signed up for all the same classes together thinking how great it would be. But when we broke up we couldn't change our schedules so we were stuck having to see each other every day. Well I had spent the entire Christmas break getting over Robbie and convincing myself that I was over him and I would be ok with being just friends with him. But the first day of class, the moment I was spending time with him again I realized that I was not over him at all. I still loved him, a lot. I probably was more in love with him now than I had been. So since the beginning of the semester we have been spending every moment we would with each other. We had classes together, went to lunch together, studied together, went out together, and sometimes even carpooled together to school. He became my bestest and closest friend and the spark we had between us kept growing stronger and stronger.

Well now we are kind of at a problem area of our relationship. Robbie and I tell each other that we love each other, we kiss, hold hands, etc, giving off the appearance that we are dating. But every time I ask about moving our relationship forward and giving ourselves the title of a couple, he tells me that he is scared of losing our friendship and doesn't want to date because he is so scared of messing up and losing me. He has told me that I am so special to him and that he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone else and that I am his everything. And I believe him. I'm not naive and I can honestly tell you that he means what he says. I know Robbie like the back of my hand and I have been with him long enough that I know he isn't just saying the words, he means it. And we are not seeing other people either, he is with me most of the day unless he is at work or with his good friend. But even when we are apart he always txts me or IM's me so I know there isn't another girl. So why won't he commit to a relationship with me? More than that is it right for us to try our relationship again? If something goes wrong we could wreck our amazing friendship we have. But I am really struggling with not having the security of a relationship. I'm not a jealous girl, actually I'm a pretty cool, chill girlfriend. But by not having the confidence and security of knowing I'm his girlfriend I'm flipping out. So we are left with a difficult decision: to date and risk everything, or to become just friends and lose the spark we have between us and change our friendship so neither of our hearts get broken and he knows he won't lose me. Please help. Is there a reason why he might not be committing to me?

[1337lizard]

Have you ever read that book, he's just not that into you?

By the way, the whole thing about being afraid of losing friendship is complete horse shit. Guys don't typically worry about that and based on your past history you both know that won't happen. You already dated, broke up, and remained friends. So most likely he just wants to keep his options open. You're most likely being led on. Tell him to commit or you walk. That simple. If he knows he loves you that much it should be really easy for him to make it official.

[OneQuestion]

this is the 3RD PLACE I HAVE SEEN THIS POST... WHY ARE YOU POSTING IT ALL OVER...

[theann2258]

1337lizard :

well actually when we broke up we didn't really talk to each other for 2 months and he knows that I was hurt in the process. So I think he is scared that by repeating our steps that I might really get my heart broken and won't be able to stay friends with him. We both have been through a lot in our lives and have been backstabbed many times by people and so we both have a hard time trusting and opening up to people. But with each other we totally trust each other and are completely open. I find myself not wanting to hang out with my other friends and just be with him because I can be myself with him and it's the same with him. We literally spend about 12 hrs on average with each other.

And the only problem with telling him to commit or I'm out is I don't want to blackmail him and force him into a relationship. Idk if that makes sense but because we are so close I know he will decide to date me in order not to lose me if that is what it came down to. But I kinda want to have him make his own decision about it you know. So how do I convince him that a relationship with a title is best since we practically are a couple.

[girl68]

I think it's time for you to say what we are doing is NOT being friends. This is much more than friends and you know it. Now in order for me to live a normal healthy sane life I need to know if we are JUST friends or if we can take the next step and make it official. Lay it all out there. And then when he says he just can't for whatever reason you tell him you can't JUST be friends because it is too hard on you. Then you stick to your guns and limit contact.

[kuaisudi]

Say of, thank you for sharing

[Cbrider]

He's stringing you along until he gets bored of you. He's got everything a relationship has, without the commitment.

He has no reason to change his position, he's got it all without the ties.

[nasstil2]

why not try doing somethng good for self like get a job or smthng just to keep yourself busy i thnk u wil figure out whats best for u