Ex contacting me. Just friends or does he want more?

[blondy2]

He's confused. And he's wants you but he wants you to make the move as usual. Try to be the one that stays in control, don't act like your too excited to talk to him. He'll wonder why you're not crazy about him.

[sunflwr23]

Well i have been open to dating around. I don't think an opportunity for commitment has come up that I could have avoided. I think I would commit to somebody I really liked and was compatible with after getting to know them better. I don't think I would hold back anything for him. He hasn't done the same for me. I mean he has already dated and broken up with someone else. The new guy I like I don't know well enough. I have concerns if he is even looking for love or a serious relationship. I'm not really sure where its going but I am along for the ride. The best thing about liking 2 people is that it makes me calmer in dealing with both of them. I am not as desperate or easily upset. My ex said he wasn't going to visit and we had our drama moment- upsetting but then I went out with the new guy. I think I come across less desperate to them and maybe more mysterious.

blondy2, who were you referring to the ex or the new guy? do you think he will eventually man up and make a move? do you guys think my ex might be reciprocating m not seeing him when I was in his town but deciding not to see me? it is possible he wants to see me but didn't right? I mean I want to see him and talk to him but I refrain all the time from trying.

[Gigabitch]

I think I come across less desperate to them and maybe more mysterious.

To me, you come of as extremely passive. You're just waiting for someone to decide if he wants you or not. What do YOU want?

[lhn]

I'm not sure Sunflwr because he is STILL giving off mixed messages. One thing is for sure, keep doing what you're doing. The ball is still in his court and you need to keep it that way.
Perhaps he wanted to meet but didn't have the balls to follow through with it.
Perhaps he just wanted to screw around with you (although I find this hard to believe).
Perhaps he wants you to make the 'big' move in meeting him.

Problem is, you wont find the answer. Just let it play out and in the meantime, good luck with the new guy or anyone else you meet for that matter.

You have perspective and I'm sure you remember how crap it felt when you lacked it at the initial split.

[sunflwr23]

My ex hasn't contacted me in awhile. Nor has the new guy. Turns out the new guys is a big player. I just don't know what to do. Things were going SO WELL with my ex. I had him contacting me and talking to me regularly again. I was ending the conversations and controlling how things went. Now he is just not talking to me again. I don't know what to do. My "friend" ruined everything. I am so mad at her for causing all of that unnecessary drama. I feel like it created drama between us and I don't know how to overcome it. Any suggestions? What can I do to get him back?

[cmacattack1]

Keep plugging away with the guys as they come your way. You'll get lucky eventually.

[sunflwr23]

What should I do in regards to my ex? Just keep waiting to see if he contacts me again? I really want to be back together with him!!! He is exactly what I want in a guy!

[lhn]

Well if you decide to contact him, you realise you will be giving up control. What I mean is, he will then be able to turn around and say "well, u didnt show any interest" blahblahblah. And you might find yourself in a bit of a corner.

Do you know if he has moved on/still asks about you/has a new gfriend etc?

[IndiReloaded]

Your ex likes you, sort of, but not enough to make a real effort to build something with you.

Of course, you don't have any courage to actually tell him what you want. All this talk of 'control' is just silly. Sounds to me like the two of you had serious power struggles when you were together and that hasn't changed.

If he is visiting town, ask him to meet. Simple. Then ask him why he is contacting you so much after your break. If he balks, say you are confused b/c you thought perhaps it means he's trying to get back together with you.

If he still avoids answering, then run from this guy. He is either jerking your chain or is so clueless about what he wants himself that either way you will end up hurt.

Always know what YOU want. Then ask for it. You love him, you want a relationship with him. He either does or (more likely, IMO) doesn't. But unless you ask you will never know. He's definitely not going to say.

[cmacattack1]

I think she's idolizing the past a bit too. They have been broken up for over a year with the sporadic talking stemming from her mostly. Who knows who he is now and you should defeat that attitude that you absolutely want to be together with him. You should want to date him and see where things go. Don't be getting ahead of yourself here as that is what seems to be the problem. Like you need to be with him.

I agree with the whole power struggle talk that's kind of lame and a sign of an immature relationship. If you want to know something, all you have to do is ask. You should be prepared for the outcomes though.

[sunflwr23]

You are definitely right in the reminder that he is not the same person I dated so I can't say I definitely want to be with him. The guy I dated I want to be with more than anyone but I do understand he has changed and I have as well. He has been the one initiating most of the contact though. But that has stopped kinda recently. I don't know if it has to do with us both being busy or the drama that was caused. I was straight forward with asking him if he was only contacting me to have sex with me like a friend was telling everyone she had heard. Which wasn't true but I want things to just happen naturally and develop into a closer relationship that may stem into hanging out and stem into things getting physical again and stem into dating again. That is my hope and I don't want to blow it by being too forward before he is ready for that or bfore I am ready to decide. But I am curious and I am hurt that he has stopped contacting me! I don't know why! maybe I did something wrong! I do want to know why he suddenly started contacting me again and then why it has stopped. I just don't want to come off as clingy I want him to contact me. The whole driving to my school to meet his parents and acting like he was planning on hanging out and then blowing me off-confuses me again so much!

[cmacattack1]

It will only work if he wants to contact you. I know you are afraid of losing him completely but I am kind of surprised you haven't just said to him "I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from you, if you don't know what you want, please do not talk to me." The sporadic resurfacing is just keeping you hooked.

I know it's a tough dating situation to be in with grad school and everything else you have going on. Wasn't meeting people as an undergrad with minimal responsibility easy? I'm learning that the hard way myself, while my ex still had her senior year to meet somebody and she did quite easily. It's time for a more mature and more serious relationship than what you are used to though, instead of reminiscing about the old, "fun" one. I facing brutal odds here myself. Maybe I'm not ready or trying too hard with my dates, but I'm getting hot and cold interest from my dates as well. I still think about my ex but I think I will continue to think about her unless I keep trying to find that other person.

[IndiReloaded]

I am kind of surprised you haven't just said to him "I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from you, if you don't know what you want, please do not talk to me." The sporadic resurfacing is just keeping you hooked.

Ditto^. This is what I'm thinking also. Right now, you don't know anything about his thoughts and you are psyching yourself out from lack of data.

[MarieJaniya]

I would rather say that u need to take baby steps now.. I mean be carefull...his intentions may or may not be of using you..

Just test his feelings, to have more understanding and good relationship

[sunflwr23]

I really appreciate all of the advice!! So should I keep waiting for him to initiate contact since it's been a few weeks since we last talked or just initiate contact if he gets online. I don't want to come off as clingy or desperate but I've been dying to talk to him! I enjoy talking to him. I don't want to play games necessarily but I do want to come off a certain way. I think most people do that when they are dating someone. They want to ensure they see the good side. Especially since I am trying to work on some qualities that were harmful to the relationship like my clingyness and neediness. It's been vastly different from our relationship before that I can even go a couple of weeks after drama, or not desperately text him. I can make myself happy now and I don't NEED him to be happy. But he did make me happy. I want to rekindle and explore what we had since I just could never get over him. If he talks to me I plan to be more blunt about asking his intentions and telling him how I feel. But I just don't know if I should wait for him to talk to me or contact him.