Boyfriend & his relationship with his cousin

[rosepetal]

My boyfriend has admitted to me that when his cousin who is 22 comes over, they sleep in the same bed. In his room shes made two collage of them together and put them on his walls...At first I was even creeped out at the fact they said I love you to each other, but now i found out that there other cousins say it too. When he was drunk I brought her up to him, and he told me that she would always rank above me and that they had been through a lot together, and she had always been there for him through thick and thin, and that she would always be THAT girl. When I asked him what the difference between me and her was he said that he loved me in a way that a man loves a women, and her in a way a brother loves a sister. The next day he said scratch that because he was drunk and did not mean it ( the part where he said she would always rank above me)

So I was going through boyfriends phone as he was watching me go through it, because he does the exact same thing with me...When I saw a few texts from his cousin saying...

"I am mad you never spent time with me, so I'm not sleeping with you, I'm sleeping on the couch"
"Happy Valentines day"
"You sleep with me, but you never spend time with me."
"Today I'm going to sleep in your bed "
"I'm so use to sleeping in the cold because your bedroom is always so cold when I sleepover!"

So I am very creeped out...She is so needy with him, she goes to him to whine about things such as how hard school is even though she is 22 and should deal with it on her own now...And when he doesn't hang out with him she is affected largely in an emotional way.

So I have asked him to not to sleep with his cousin, as he has a sister she can sleep in her room...At first he started telling me that I was disgusting and had a dirty mind. So when he called me today I went about it differently. I told him that I don't like how he sleeps in the same bed as his cousin, although it may not be sexual its not healthy for 2 adult cousins of the opposite sex to be sleeping in the same bed. Then he told me that theres nothing wrong with it, so i told him theres emotional attachment that shouldn't be there & no cousin should threaten not to sleep with there cousin and expect it to hurt them. Then I told him that I can't be with him if he can't stop sleeping in the same bed as her. He went on to say, "Is that what it comes down to? Is that how your thinking is?
Then he told me he had work tomorrow and has to go to sleep... (he hangs up)

So I texted him saying; its up to you if u want to keep sleeping in the same bed with your cousin its your decision...but I can't stay wit you if thats the case...I'm not saying its sexual its just something I'm not okay with so figure out what u want...No cousin should threaten there cousin about not sleeping with them and expect it to hurt...I'm not saying its sexual but theres emotional attachment that should not be there..and if sleeping in the same bed is not a big deal then it should be easy for you not to do it...I am uncomfortable with it so you decide what you can do and talk to me when u know.

Am I being unreasonable, or justified in giving him an ultimatum in accordance to his decision with him sleeping in the same bed with her when she comes over?

[sookie6]

I think you've been Very reasonable with this. You have explained your reasons which are completely valid and now the ball is in his court.

One thing though: I think these 2 people have huge emotional needs...even to the point when it's unhealthy...

The big warning is that because she is family I don't think you'll get rid of her easily...you might have a break when she finds a partner but then again the bond will always be there...

If after a few discussions and attempts they don't change their 'weird' behaviour I would call it a day because bottom line is : their bond is incestuous (are their parents aware of their sleeping together???)

Personallt what he told you when drunk would bother me big time. I don't even think I'd carry on a relationship after what he said. I know he was drunk so it's all the more painful. I do believe that the truth comes out when people are drunk as their guard is down...

[SirWagginston]

Seems weird, to me.

[Petit Papillon]

I hope it's fake cause if not , it's ****ing sick and gross. I seriously hope it's some bs but I know such sickos are walking on this earth.

[rosepetal]

It is real, i dont know if there having sex...But the text messages and everything else is weirding me out...I don't know what to I just gave him an ultimatum

[Petit Papillon]

I would break it off, this is hell of a sick situation. I don't care if they had sex or not, it's just ****ing gross what they do and what they write to each other.

[rosepetal]

Its mostly her texting him that stuff, and he doesnt reply to her half of the time...But he is still being the ENABLER and allowing her to sleep in his bed.

[Petit Papillon]

I think you know the answer...

[sookie6]

I think they might have had sex...not saying this to freak you out...but in my books when a girl has such a controling power over a guy they more than likely shared something strong sexually...

what is your gut feeling about this?

[rosepetal]

I never had a good feeling about her, the first day I came into his room I saw 2 calloges of them together in his room...It just gave me this weird vibe, when we would be kissing and id look up there they were again on his wall... His family told me he had a flip of a personality change started drinking alot & doing weed, not staying home as much...The more i think about it, i think he could have been running from the situation through weed and alcoholic. He always seemed lost when we started out.

[SirWagginston]

... so, your boyfriend is an alcoholic stoner in an incestuous relationship? What are you doing?

[dewilliams2]

On one hand I have a cousin who lived with me for years and is like a sister to me, if we were somewhere and there was one bed I would not think anything wrong with sleeping in the same bed with her....I wouldn't have sex with her....but I'm talking about if we were on a trip or something...I mean if a couch is available I'll totally hit the couch.

So with that said I can understand if they have a close relationship from growing up together but as adults they really need to back it off....that isn't healthy...its great they are close but there is such a thing as to close.

Your not being to demanding, if he won't stop it then leave him.

[QueenofCorona]

I didn't realize there was a West Virginia in Canada as well. Obviously your man and his cousin live there.

[davidtorres]

it doesnt matter if they are doing it or not. it doesnt look okay to sleep with your cousin in the same bed when its an opposite sex. something is up. let it go and find a normal person!

[Krissykris]

Holy crap thats incest! I wouldn't even associate with him if he sleeps in the same bed with her, thats a no no and the family should know that. Somethings not right with them.