How not to hurt her too much

[smithy]

Hello

I am kinda new to this. I don't usually talk about my problems to anyone but I would really like a second opinion on this.

The reason why I am posting this in the female section is that I would like a female's prespective.

I will try to keep this short ever since this happened I am not in a mode to talk.

I have been dating a girl for about 3 years now we have(had) our up's and down's like any other couple. I met her while we were both studying at university I am an engineer and she is a lawyer. After we both graduated and started working we both decided that we should try to have a baby. We slept together without any of us using contraception for about 6-8 months now. About a month ago we went to the doctors to see why she hasn't conceived yet. The doctor tested both of us and by the reports he received he came to the conclusion that I was fine however she can NEVER have children (needless to say she cried her eyes out). After receiving this news I made up my mind to end the relationship as I don't want to adopt because I want my OWN children. I have been supporting of her through this ordeal and kept my decision a secret from her but I don't know how long I can do this for as it is becoming a increasingly difficult chore for me. I moved back to my parents place I told her I needed to clear my head. I have spoken about it to my parents, my older brother and my sister in law they ALL told me that it was not her fault and that I shouldn't break off the relationship because of this (I am not listening to this decision as I have already made up my mind). I would be highly obliged if you can advice me on how break it off with her without hurting her or not hurting her too much.

Thanks
smithy

[girl68]

I think you're a dickhead and you should dump her immediately. Who gives a shit about her feelings she will get over a dick like you in no time.

FYI you can still have your own children there can be tons of stuff that can be done with your sperm and her eggs. I hope after you dump her you realize that she was the best thing that ever happened to you and you lost her because of your sperm and her faulty eggs.

[dewilliams2]

^^^I totally agree....your droppin her at a low point and thats just shitty...like maybe you could wait until the week that her mom dies to?

They do so much now that the two of you could have a child...I mean even if physically she can't carry it you can always have another woman carry her egg and your sperm...I mean the possibilities are pretty much endless...even if she doesn't have any ovaries they can inject a blank egg with stem cells now and it will carry her dna...you really should do research before you decide its impossible and kick her while she is down.

[QueenofCorona]

Are you going to also abandon your future children should they be defective in any way?

You obviously never loved this woman if that is your knee jerk reaction. Just remember, karma is a bitch.

[honeyb]

Me and my boyfriend are trying for a baby at the moment so I understand the want to have your own baby, but I doubt I'd dump him if he couldn't give me a child naturally. I can only imagine your pain of thinking you'll never have your own child if you stay with her, but do you really love this woman? because if you didn't you won't be trying for a baby together and did the last 3 years really mean nothing? You might meet another woman who can give you children but will you love her as much? Plus I thing you should look at all your options before you dump her. My friend was told never too, my had IVF and got a baby and then 6 months after giving birth to the IVF baby she found out she was pregnant again naturally. If you really want to break her heart you might as well get it over with because even if you wait 6 months she'll still know it's because she can't give you a baby.

[lastwish]

Why are you against adopting? Would you love a child less if she/he didn't come from your own sperm? How silly.

[smithy]

Of course I love her. But all of you guys are forgetting the fact that I have a say in this matter as well. I WANT my own child period. I don't want to hear excuses. There is a saying "so we go to our bloody business" I feel like that at the moment. We are both young at the moment I know that if I let her go now she will have plenty of time to find another guy maybe he wouldn't want to have a child and I can go in my own direction. To "QueenofCorona" I don't believe in karma I prefer to believe in GOD instead. But no one actually answered my question as to how not to hurt her too much. Please give me advice on the question I asked.

[Wahoo]

Not much you can really do about it. If you have made up your mind then you have to tell her how you feel. And the sooner the better it really isn't fair to keep her thinking she is in a secure relationship with you. I don't think you can not hurt her too much with this but if you tell her quicker, she will get over it quicker...I guess.

Sorry for posting in this section...I'm male so feel free to discard my opinion :p

[lastwish]

Well, if you are stuck in your opinion then so be it. It would be better for her to find another guy who is more suited for her. Honestly, you will hurt her ALOT and it can't be helped. Just explain to her that you want your own child and that it is better for her to find another guy who wouldn't mind adopting. Offer her your friendship and tell her that if she needs emotional support, you will be there for her.

[dewilliams2]

Of course I love her. But all of you guys are forgetting the fact that I have a say in this matter as well. I WANT my own child period. I don't want to hear excuses. There is a saying "so we go to our bloody business" I feel like that at the moment. We are both young at the moment I know that if I let her go now she will have plenty of time to find another guy maybe he wouldn't want to have a child and I can go in my own direction. To "QueenofCorona" I don't believe in karma I prefer to believe in GOD instead. But no one actually answered my question as to how not to hurt her too much. Please give me advice on the question I asked.

Well you want your question answered?...your an insensitive selfish asshole...your going to hurt her no matter what way you approach it.

[mbdwaj]

dewilliams2 is right. No matter what you do, you will hurt her.

You want a glass to be broken but do not want to hear it cracking. Thats impossible.

[smithy]

"dewilliams2" I don't know why on earth you would think that I am an insensitive asshole considering that I have kept everything to myself and not let her feel the mammoth disappointment and despair I feel inside me. I look back at the last 3 years and I see nothing but failure. How come no one actually cares about what I am going through? Anyway it doesn't matter I have made up my mind to tell her next Sunday that I want to break it off. So after that the deed is going to be done.

[anonymous12345]

I don't very much agree with your decision on breaking off a 3 year relationship that meant alot to both of you. But from my point of view, to lessen the impact of the breakup for her, start being distant with her. Break up with her slowly, let her come to her own conclusion that you're not there as much anymore and let her get somewhat use to it. Call her less, see her less, talk to her less. Basically i'm saying start distanting yourself from her SLOWLY though, don't blind side her one day and break it off completely.
Good luck man, i hope you give this time, maybe you'll change your mind because u love her, don't make irrational decisions.

[honeyb]

You believe in god and your ready to quit and run, ever thought this might be a test on you? You're going to hurt her no matter what you do, just get it over and done with so the poor girl can get on with her life. You want advise on how to not hurt her so you don't feel like shit after because you know it's wrong. What would you have done if you was married to this girl? If you have terms and conditions on love you don't sound mature enough to be a father, I really hope you grow up before you have a baby.

[dewilliams2]

If your going to do it, don't do it slow and painful, give her reason to hate you so it is easier for her to move on from you...rip that shit like a bandage.