How Do You Reconnect...

[ChristianonLI]

...with a woman who won't answer your emails, IMs, texts or other forms of online messaging? Is there any way on Earth?

True love is never one-sided. This woman once loved me dearly, wanted to have my children and spend the rest of her life with me. Then quite literally overnight, something changed. She woke up one morning and decided she didn't love me anymore and now she's gone.

But I am still in love with her. I would do absolutely anything to get her back, but she wishes to have no contact with me. She's done with me and she's determined to move on with her life but I simply cannot let that happen. It's not how it was meant to be and even though it's been months since she left I'm not giving up on her. One day she has to see that my determination and my dedication is proof that she made a mistake and should return. She should be smart enough to understand that she will never be able to get anyone better than me, but she refuses to see this obvious reality.

And so here I sit, every single day, wondering what went wrong, wishing she could come to her senses and return to where she belongs. No sane person chooses to be single. No sane person figures it's better to be with no one than to be with someone who genuinely cares about them but needs to improve. I never hit her, never cheated on her, never insulted her or said anything bad to her. All I did wrong was be lazy, unmotivated and immature. And I was working on fixing those things at her request.

But it wasn't enough. Why would my true love leave me? Why would the only woman who ever loved me do this? Is there any way to get her back? Any way at all? I can never be happy again if I don't have her back, not with the memories of all our good times. Not with the memories of the wedding we had in July that is steadily becoming the distant past yet still feels like yesterday. I cannot live the rest of my life with those memories. I cannot be like everyone else, having loved and lost. That's just not for me. She was my first true love and she was supposed to be the last.

If she doesn't realize where she belongs she will never be happy again. She will never find a man as honest, caring and dedicated as me relative to her attractiveness. She just doesn't have what it takes to find someone better than me, but she doesn't understand that. She thinks she's a 10 but she's really just a 6. 6's don't score 10's. I'm a 6 too and I don't even waste my time with women out of my league. I know my limitations and I understand the reality of things, how come she doesn't? Why can't she just realize that "her type" of man (black or hispanic urban raised wannabe hip-hop artists) will only use her and throw her away like garbage when they're done with her? She had a perfectly good suburban raised Italian guy right here with morals, with values and with no urban-influenced style or speech who would have never been unfaithful or bad to her.

And she gave it up. She gave it up because I wasn't as mature as she expected me to be. She gave it up because I didn't like going to sleep at 11pm. She gave it up because I enjoy video games and because I feel it my duty to tell off people I see being rude to an employee of any establishment where they are spending money. She gave it all up and chose to be single, living at home, playing Facebook games and living the life of a teenager.

Of course, it's possible she left me for someone else. But I can never admit to that. And I pray to God I never see evidence of that because lord knows, if it turns out she left me for another man I'm afraid of what I might do. I really do enjoy my freedom and take pride in the fact I'm a law abiding citizen but if it came down to her having left me for someone she believed to be better than me then....

[Gigabitch]

You don't, Christian. You don't reconnect with her unless you want to see what a restraining order looks like up close.

[LailaK]

Giga is right.

From reading your post I see line after line of evidence of why your girl left you. You need help. Stop stalking her, leave her alone, and get some help.

[girl68]

What the hell makes you think you're some awesome catch. Because reading that you've done nothing but tell her she doesn't deserve to find better. Well, I disagree. She deserves a guy who doesn't tell her she can't have great things. She deserves a guy who doesn't tell her that *you* are the best she'll ever have. Good on her for leaving your ass.

[ChristianonLI]

I never told her anything like that. However, the months of my attempting to reconcile and repair the relationship, only to be met by her childish and narcissistic stonewalling of my honest and heartfelt words have left me angry and bitter. So forgive me for being so mean but the cold hard fact is she will never do better than me and if she thinks she can she's delusional. Not after I did everything for her, gave her everything I could afford, f***ing MARRIED her and swore to be faithful and dedicated for the rest of my life only to have that thrown up in my face after three months over ridiculous and retarded reasons that no sane married woman in love would even think of basing the ending of a marriage on. Go back a few pages, Girl68, and find the original thread I wrote about this a few months ago and you'll understand completely.

[Chupacabras]

That reads like something John Hinckley may have written. Leave her alone to live life without you.

[LailaK]

I never told her anything like that. However, the months of my attempting to reconcile and repair the relationship, only to be met by her childish and narcissistic stonewalling of my honest and heartfelt words have left me angry and bitter. So forgive me for being so mean but the cold hard fact is she will never do better than me and if she thinks she can she's delusional. Not after I did everything for her, gave her everything I could afford, f***ing MARRIED her and swore to be faithful and dedicated for the rest of my life only to have that thrown up in my face after three months over ridiculous and retarded reasons that no sane married woman in love would even think of basing the ending of a marriage on. Go back a few pages, Girl68, and find the original thread I wrote about this a few months ago and you'll understand completely.

You sound just like my ex. He never cheated, he loved me, blah blah blah. He was also controlling and lazy and crazy. I left him and he went nuts. I had to change my number, block all my online accounts, move, and slap him with a restraining order. He told me I would never find someone better than him. I would never find someone who loved me more.

He was wrong and so are you. There are plenty of men out there who will give your girl the love and respect she deserves. Deep down you know that which is why you're behaving so badly. She's not being childish by stonewalling you. She's moving on.

You sound like a pushy, aggressive jerk. You can't force your girlfriend to get back with you. Move on.

[Gigabitch]

Christian, the more you share with us about the person she is tells me you're better off without her. You just can't see it yet. She was a box of dogshit all wrapped up in pretty paper. She was only beautiful on the outside. You're in love with a Barbie doll.

[ChristianonLI]

Since it would appear that loveforum.net wiped its forum database and started anew in 2010 my original thread is not there. So for sake of those of you who don't know the whole story and feel the need to put me down, here's a link to it from another forum. To the admins, this link is 100% safe.

[url=http://www.lovediscussions.com/separation-divorce-loss/12766-super-long-marriage-over-love-my-life-gone.html]Super Long: Marriage Over, Love of My Life Gone - Love & Relationship Forums - Advice, Help, Fun and more ...[/url]

[Chupacabras]

The history of it just doesn't matter though, the current reality is she wants nothing to do with you. Nothing you do will make that any better, only worse.

[LailaK]

I'm not trying to put you down or make you feel bad. I'm trying to be realistic with you.

Saying things like "I don't know what I'll do if she's with another guy.." sounds crazy and really scary. What girl want's to be with a guy who says threatening stuff like that?

[girl68]

I have one thing to say: you quit wow and took up playstation instead to her: THAT'S THE SAME DAMN THING!

Either way she seems toxic and you needed to learn some relationship lessons. Like her going to bed with my man is a huge deal. I need it, if it doesn't happen on a regular basis there are problems. Like her, videogames/ computer time is a big issue. If more attention and time is paid there, I will have problems.

She just didn't know how to communicate these issues until it was too late. You have learnt your lessons too late. Move on.

[ChristianonLI]

Girl68, I gave up a dangerous obsession with World of Warcraft instantly and without hesitation. The change to playstation wasn't to the same degree (8-10 hours all day and night), not in the least. And the logic behind it was, "Well, she's watching tv programs I don't like, and we're sitting around anyway, I'll play a one player game from time to time that I can pause and attend to whatever she needs at the drop of a hat".

It's nice to see you seem to actually have read through the entire thread in the link. I made no attempt to hide my faults and errors but hopefully my deranged and brokenhearted state of mind appears a bit clearer now. I really don't care how toxic or bad for me she may be, I've got nothing going for me to attract someone better and I never will. I'm not going to suddenly become attractive, or intelligent, or financially successful. She fell in love with me when I was and had nothing. That was a one in a million chance and now it's gone. How could I possibly just let that go? Why should I? I'm fighting for what's good and right in this world and I've been fighting for it since the day she left.

I don't attract women. I don't have good conversation when I do manage to get the attention of a woman and I'm painfully average in the most important department of all (use your imagination). Anyone I manage to find after my ex will be a complete downgrade and I cannot bear to accept that reality. As far as I'm concerned she shouldn't be allowed to find someone better simply for the fact I know I won't.

[Gigabitch]

Most of the person you're missing doesn't even exist, in my opinion. I think you've projected a lot of your own romantic fantasies onto this person you were only married to for a short time. It doesn't sound to me like either one of you had any business taking those vows; you're both too immature to commit to a marriage.

I don't think either one of you people did right by the other. it makes sense that it's over. The only thing that doesn't make sense it that you won't let it go.

[girl68]

Well the answer your queston: how do you reconnect? With someone who refuses to make any sort of contact with you I'd say you cannot reconnect. I think you need to let it go.