My boyfriend doesn't understand why my orgasms should be as important as his. Help?

[wildcaterpie]

First, apologies if I sound crazy. I'm quite depressed and confused.

Let me describe our general "sex life" first, so you understand the circumstances better. Huge ramble:

If he is horny, there is little to no foreplay (basically he just pulls my pants down and wants to do it right then), and he just bugs me consistently until I finally say "no," and then he calls me mean. Then I feel badly about it, and apologize, explain that I wasn't wet at all, and... Give in. This typically results in one of two things: 1. I bleed a bit and it hurts to pee the rest of the day. 2. I somehow end up becoming horny as well.

In the case of 2, he'll orgasm, then ask if I'm still horny. If I say yes, he'll rub me once or twice (literally) and then come up with some excuse for why he can't stay awake any longer to help me orgasm. Common excuses are "I have a cut on that finger and it burns it" (to which I'd ask why he can't use a different finger), "my wrist hurts" (so switch hands!), or "I find fluids gross." I wouldn't be so hurt by his not wanting to touch me except that if I start masturbating, he rolls over and goes to sleep, and even sometimes comments, "You're going to be mad at me" and then goes to sleep anyway.

I explained to him that it makes me feel badly because it's sort of like his orgasm is like a fancy dinner at a restaurant, while mine feels like the leaky goo that falls out of a dumpster when no one's looking afterward. He said he's sorry, and he tried to console me a little, but nothing's changed, and it's been weeks and multiple apologies.

Also, he refuses to lick me because he finds me "too salty", but when I suggested flavored lubes or gels, he said it sounded disturbing and disgusting, even referring to me as "gross." I enjoy giving him oral sex, so I don't understand at all why he would feel it unnecessary to try to reciprocate.

Sometimes if I am really horny and want to masturbate (since I'm well aware that turning to him while I'm horny would end up with me either angry or sad), I go to another room and close myself in the closet to masturbate. The problem with this, though, is that he will eventually come find me, and it completely ruins any chance of me orgasming because he is destined to say something that will turn me off (example in next paragraph).

Tonight, I'm extremely depressed about this. I decided to trust him again after we went through another bout of "I'm so sorry, I'll try to pay more attention to you," and so I let him know I was horny. I also told him I didn't want vaginal sex at the moment. He responded, "Well, if your vagina is out of order, your mouth will work."

My reaction was sort of like, "Wh... What??" How does me being horny translate into me sucking on him?

He then became extremely distressed and kept claiming that he "doesn't understand me", and "why wouldn't you want to suck on me if you're horny". I tried to explain that while I do enjoy those things, sometimes I need some touch for myself too, but he just kept moping about how he'll never understand and how sad he is.

He's a genuinely sweet person outside of sex-related matters, so I don't think he /means/ to make me depressed... I think he really just doesn't understand why orgasming is important to girls, and it's not just a guy thing. In fact, I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand that pleasure in general is just as important to girls, because he just keeps on humping if I ever tell him I feel sore.

I'm starting to think weird/crazy things like 'Maybe I don't deserve to orgasm because my genitals are too gross' or 'There must be medical problems with me if I can't just start humping at the sound of the unzipping pants.'

I just... Is it me? I keep trying to explain it to him... It isn't getting through. Am I being too demanding? I can't remember the last time I felt anything but numbness or pain down there.

I really... Want to go back to the closet, but to cry and sleep all day instead of trying to masturbate.

Does anyone have a concise way of phrasing my problem to him that he will understand?

[Petit Papillon]

Oh girl, I'm so sorry :/ I'm sad that your bf can't understand such a basic thing as that you need an orgasm too and what makes me worried is that he's not even trying to make you wet . You get hurt, it must really hurt , you shouldn't allow anybody to do that... I see no other way out that those two. Whether you talk to him again, tells him that HE MUST UNDERSTAND that orgasm is a two way road and he makes you feel like a trash. Than you give him a choice, whether he change for good or you leave. It clearly makes you depressed, you can't stay in such situation...

[lhn]

PP pretty much has it in one. Sex can be a huge part (and rightfully so) of a relationship, just as much as affection, honesty and understanding. He seems to lack bedroom knowledge when it comes to getting jiggy.
Firstly, I remember my inexperienced self believing that a woman didn't need to cum to enjoy herself. I know this can sometimes be true but I took it far too literally. Anyway...
Has he ever made you orgasm?

I think you need to do 1 of 2 things:
Either take away all sexual activity until he realises/listens to your cries for orgasms
or...
You need to sit him down and tell him you're unhappy & think it might be a good idea to take a break. I think some time apart can help a lot of relationships.

Faced with the possibility of loosing you should kick start the lazy, selfish git

[girl68]

Your boyfriend is a utter idiot. You need to stand up for yourself. It seems you keep talking this subject to death... it's time to DO something about it. Let him know once and for all if this doesn't change you're out of here. Explain sex is not going to happen unless you are wet, you are not going to make yourself wet by yourself. You are not going to pay attention to him until some is paid to you. Let him know that from now on what is recieved is to be reciprocated.

I don't think he's going to get learn this lesson until he's had a bunch of blue balls.

Stand your ground woman!

[Rich]

Hell yes girl68!

[Gigabitch]

I can't understand how guys like this get laid at all, let alone regularly.

[girl68]

Having sex while I'm dry and bleeding and unarosed sounds like rape.

[Chupacabras]

Yeah, except it's not.

[QueenofCorona]

I wish for one month men could experience what its really like to be a woman, to have a vagina and all the stuff that comes with it. I'd happily walk around for a month with a penis.

This is something that you two need to work on TOGETHER. Don't walk around for a day bleeding and in pain for him to have a moment of ecstacy. Eff all that noise. Team effort. If you aren't getting off, he shouldn't either. Granted there are some times he'll get off and you won't but still. He should WANT to get you off. Its selfish of him not to want you to be sexually satisfied.

[Cbrider]

Lmao, why are you dating this guy again? I mean honestly.......

[girl68]

LOL, yeah it's not but when you're dry, in pain, and emotionally scared it's damn close.

[phys251]

Your boyfriend is a utter idiot. You need to stand up for yourself. It seems you keep talking this subject to death... it's time to DO something about it. Let him know once and for all if this doesn't change you're out of here. Explain sex is not going to happen unless you are wet, you are not going to make yourself wet by yourself. You are not going to pay attention to him until some is paid to you. Let him know that from now on what is recieved is to be reciprocated.

I don't think he's going to get learn this lesson until he's had a bunch of blue balls.

Stand your ground woman!

This. And there's no shame in it. Your bf is definitely being a jerk, not to mention flirting with the boundaries of rape.

[vashti]

Tell him he isn't allowed to orgasm until after you do.

And then live by those words. Don't let him put it in until you have reached.

[doppelgaenger]

First, handcuff him to the bed.
Then, yank on his dick like you're trying to ring a church bell. Give him a toothy blow job.
When he asks what the hell you're doing, put a sock in his mouth and do it harder.
Make sure you squeeze his balls like you're getting the last bit of toothpaste from the tube.

That'll give him an idea of how you feel. Make sure you tell him how he'll be diving into that muff if he wants his little wee wee to be happy.

[DonkeyKong]

I really don't understand guys like this either. speaking as a guy who enjoys getting his girl off more than he enjoys getting off himself, it seems like a completely foreign concept to me. there's definitely nothing wrong with you, it's all on him. go with the holding out like everybody says, but i wonder, if he's doing it because he has to and not because he wants to, if he'll even do it well? hopefully i'm wrong about that