life sucks

[ecojeanne]

For the first time in my life I seriously considered dying today. I thought to myself, who would actually miss me if my parents weren’t around to miss me? Certainly not my older brother who is busy making a family and looking down his nose at me. Certainly not my younger brother who is also busy rearing his own child and being a young dad to be worrying about. Today was particularly a bad day for me. I felt so very much alone. I feel I will remain alone. I have spent well over the last year alone trying to make a small business work at the expense of my social life. I no longer work with people. I work alone. I no longer get to say ‘good morning!’ to anyone. I have the easiest most fulfilling job but I miss people. I grew up moving from place to place and so my childhood friends are few and far between. I don’t believe I will ever meet anyone to care for or for them to care for me because I never meet people full stop. I try my hardest to get out and about but it’s not working. I’ve joined classes, gyms, clubs and even online dating (what a joke that was). I have finally truly given up.

I’m too tired. I really don’t want to exist anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I would ever harm myself, ever, but I just can’t stand the way things are. I meet up with my gal friends every so often and to be honest it has started to feel a bit weird. They are all attached/married and stick together with double dates etc (and girlie bitching sessions which they know I don’t enjoy participating in so therefore i become useless to share sessions with). I suddenly realize I’m not ‘one of them’. There is a part of me that says ok fine, so I’m not into that or have a bf to share with them but this (today) awful part of me wishes I was like them.

I want a man to share my life with. I’m just feeling despair today. Maybe I should give up my dream of having my own business in favor of working with people everyday? I was never overly happy in the old job but was extremely happy working with people back then. I had a fantastic social life. one part of life goes well and the other doesn’t. it’s never the two together. But I do know that I am more unhappy now than I have ever been. I just wanted the dream-my business. Looks like the universe doesn’t want me to have it all. I’m committed to my dream and I can’t change it now because I have too much invested at this point. I feel doomed to be alone because I just can’t get into situations of meeting people to just even say hello to socially. It just seems impossible (I’ve tried for the last year). I give up. The universe wins

[Illusional]

*caresses your hair with his fingertips*

dammit, you're feeling alone because you're never on aim. how do you expect me to talk dirty to you.

raverboy

[Coco]

Jeanne. Why aren't you making friends at the extra curricular activities you have joined?

[Illusional]

yeah, i've been to all the AA meetings, and i'm made a bunch of new sociable friends. hahaha

raverboy

[dewilliams2]

I think you would benefit from a vacation....I hear the Bahamas are really nice this time of year....I think you just need to stop working so hard and make some time for yourself....Personally I would recommend seducing a cabana boy while your in the Bahamas.

When you get back make an effort to meet new people that you like...if you go to a class and don't like anybody then try something else.

[Doc Durian]

For the first time in my life I seriously considered dying today. I thought to myself, who would actually miss me if my parents weren’t around to miss me? Certainly not my older brother who is busy making a family and looking down his nose at me. Certainly not my younger brother who is also busy rearing his own child and being a young dad to be worrying about. Today was particularly a bad day for me. I felt so very much alone. I feel I will remain alone. I have spent well over the last year alone trying to make a small business work at the expense of my social life. I no longer work with people. I work alone. I no longer get to say ‘good morning!’ to anyone. I have the easiest most fulfilling job but I miss people. I grew up moving from place to place and so my childhood friends are few and far between. I don’t believe I will ever meet anyone to care for or for them to care for me because I never meet people full stop. I try my hardest to get out and about but it’s not working. I’ve joined classes, gyms, clubs and even online dating (what a joke that was). I have finally truly given up.

I’m too tired. I really don’t want to exist anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I would ever harm myself, ever, but I just can’t stand the way things are. I meet up with my gal friends every so often and to be honest it has started to feel a bit weird. They are all attached/married and stick together with double dates etc (and girlie bitching sessions which they know I don’t enjoy participating in so therefore i become useless to share sessions with). I suddenly realize I’m not ‘one of them’. There is a part of me that says ok fine, so I’m not into that or have a bf to share with them but this (today) awful part of me wishes I was like them.

I want a man to share my life with. I’m just feeling despair today. Maybe I should give up my dream of having my own business in favor of working with people everyday? I was never overly happy in the old job but was extremely happy working with people back then. I had a fantastic social life. one part of life goes well and the other doesn’t. it’s never the two together. But I do know that I am more unhappy now than I have ever been. I just wanted the dream-my business. Looks like the universe doesn’t want me to have it all. I’m committed to my dream and I can’t change it now because I have too much invested at this point. I feel doomed to be alone because I just can’t get into situations of meeting people to just even say hello to socially. It just seems impossible (I’ve tried for the last year). I give up. The universe wins

Come to Australia for a vacation. I'll show you a good time.

[ecojeanne]

Jeanne. Why aren't you making friends at the extra curricular activities you have joined?

i do make friends temporarily but the classes are spread over 6 weeks or 8 weeks depending on the class and people go back to their own lives after. for that reason alone it's not good for meeting people, it's too temporary.

[ecojeanne]

Come to Australia for a vacation. I'll show you a good time.

been there, and adored it. i'm too old for that now.

[Doc Durian]

You're never to old to have fun. The definition of fun just evolves.

Come down and we'll go camping.

Truth

[Mish]

I have the easiest most fulfilling job but I miss people. I grew up moving from place to place and so my childhood friends are few and far between. I don’t believe I will ever meet anyone to care for or for them to care for me because I never meet people full stop. I try my hardest to get out and about but it’s not working. I’ve joined classes, gyms, clubs and even online dating (what a joke that was). I have finally truly given up.

I’m too tired. I really don’t want to exist anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I would ever harm myself, ever, but I just can’t stand the way things are. I meet up with my gal friends every so often and to be honest it has started to feel a bit weird. They are all attached/married and stick together with double dates etc (and girlie bitching sessions which they know I don’t enjoy participating in so therefore i become useless to share sessions with). I suddenly realize I’m not ‘one of them’. There is a part of me that says ok fine, so I’m not into that or have a bf to share with them but this (today) awful part of me wishes I was like them.

It sounds like you are missing social activities you've had before eco. You are a social person and it must be hard to not be part of a wider community of people you can do exciting things with.

These are some very strong feelings you are expressing here. It sounds like a knot of different issues all tangled up into one which makes you feel this despair that you've posted. I think that once you un tangle some of these issues and clarify them to yourself and realize that on their own they are much simpler to both understand and resolve and are a lot more achievable you will feel a lot better. In short, it may be a good idea to write all of them down and then prioritize which ones have biggest bearing on you. Is it problems with current friends, not finding somebody who would be a right match and a good partner, not getting the attention from the family that you feel you deserve or something else that influence you the most? A lot of these issues are very common and honestly I will be hard pressed to find anyone on LF (or IRL) that doesn't have them in one form or another.

On the bright side these revelations might be a turning point in your life for the better Eco. Now that you understand more fully the things you are missing you can take control of those aspects of your life and engage them directly and creatively.

[Petit Papillon]

I'm sure the only thing she's missing (and what would truly entertain her and make her love life again) is some D-R-A-M-A on LF, DRAMA written in big letter,some big shit in here

[Illusional]

big shit?? i dunno anyone who want to see a big shit.

raverboy

[ecojeanne]

I'm sure the only thing she's missing (and what would truly entertain her and make her love life again) is some D-R-A-M-A on LF, DRAMA written in big letter,some big shit in here

nope, coz life ain't that shite. spa

[Junket]

You need a little asian loooooove.

[Coco]

What an insult PP. You should try giving some helpful advice to eco instead of insulting her.
It's quite obvious she has a life but isn't enjoying it or living it out to its full potential.
If eco wanted drama she could easily start doing what your doing. Insulting random people for no reason and to stir up shit.
But she's not doing that... now is she? She seems very genuine in the post and in need of some good advice.