I came across this site by accident, I just typed in “how to get over a broken heart” and this site came up. I’ve been reading some of the post on here about break ups and how to people to get over breaks up. I know it sound strange but reading the post on here make me feel better. I know I’m not the only one in the world going though this, but being able to read other peoples post about the same thing makes me feel better. Like I’m not alone. So I decide to write my story, not to get any reply or comment, but more to let it out. I don’t talk to my close friends about what I’m going thought right now. Will to be honest I don’t think they understand. I don’t know if anyone will really understand.
Let me start from the beginning. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me back in Feb 13th, 2003. It was one of the hardest things I had to do in my short life. Letting the love of my life go. But she wasn’t happy with me and It was all my fault. I wasn’t the man she need me to be and at that time I couldn’t be. But I just wanted her to be happy, so when she said “I want to be happy”, I did what was best for her. I never called or wrote her again.
Now I was destroyed, but my feelings for her never went away. I was determined to get her back; I knew I had to change if I wanted her back.
For the first two years I was in a bad place. I felt like killing myself, everyday. I would wake up and ask myself why hell did I wake up. What’s the point of living, my job sucks, girlfriend doesn’t want me, and I don’t even like myself. Those where my darkest days in my short life, it took a lot of inner strength and praying, to get pass it all. Once I was pass the lowest part of my life, things started to look up.
I got a new job, started to deal with the inner demons that had haunted me for years, and started going to the gym every day. I knew I had to change inside and out, and that’s what I was doing. But I always felt that one day I would see my ex again. Everyday I wanted to see her again and talk to her. But I knew I was not ready for that. If I did talk to her and we got back together, I would become the monster I was inside. I had not yet killed him, but was slowly taking him out. In my mind, me and my ex where meant to be together. So to make this happen I need to make some big life change. I wanted to be the man that my ex-girlfriend need me, and wanted me to be. This was a big turning point in my life. I started to change bad habits that keep me in the past and not moving forward. Did what I need to do to heal what was left of my inner soul and made peace with the people in my family who bought so much pain to me as a child and young teen. When to martial art class let my anger out in a health way. So on and so on. She was the driving force behind all of this, I wanted to be a better man for her, and I wanted to be a better man for myself. She wasn’t even in my life anymore, but I knew one day she would be. I need to change and continue to change. Not just for her, but for myself too.
So more five years go by. I haven’t dated anyone really and haven’t really wanted to. A few of girls came and went. just wasn’t fair to them. My heart was with someone else. Someone who was not even in my life. But she still had a hold on me.
I finally come to point in my life where I feel normal. I have grown so much, I wake up feeling like I can take on the world and win. The world can throw its worst at me and I will keep on trucking. But one thing is missing, love. Her love. I need to do what I’ve been scared to do the last seven years. Find her, tell her I still love her and I would do anything for her.
I haven’t seen her or wrote to her in seven years. I knew nothing about her anymore, but I need to know if she still loved me, or wanted to be with me again. I didn’t care what wall where put up, I was going to knock them all down. If She had kids, I was going to love’em like they where my own. If she had gain weight where she was the size of a small car, I wouldn’t care. Had full body tattoos and body piercings all over her, I still wouldn’t care. What I’m trying to say is I love her so much that I was not going to let anything stop us for being together again. The only thing that would stop me, is if she didn’t want me and that was a good chance that she had moved on, but I needed to know. I had come to the fork in the road. I had to face the last thing my past that was holding me back from moving forward. It would either be the best thing I did and we would be together forever or be the worst day of my life and have to say good bye forever. Either way It had to end or I would never be able to go forward. If I don’t find out I would spend the rest of my life not wanting to find someone because she might come back.
It took me about ten mins to find her on a social network. She looked like she did when were going out. I got so excited, that I had found her. My heart was pumping so hard I could hear it slamming against my chest. I wrote a letter to her, telling her I was sorry for how I was back then, how I had grown and how she was the driving force behind it. How I would do anything for her and I would not let anything get in the way of us getting back together, if she wanted to. I put it all out there. It was one of my strongest moments and at the same time one my most vulnerable. I was doing something I never could have done, telling the girl I love that Im willing to do whatever it takes to be a better man for her and myself. I press send.
45 mins goes pass and I check my inbox. Their a message, I stop breathing. Time itself froze and the world looked over my shoulder to see what she wrote. I quote “I’m sorry but I do have any feeling for you……. I’m happly married and don’t plan on leaving him. I would like if you stopped messaging me.” Cold and to the point, she had to do it that way. If she didn’t I would never stop. I’m a fighter and if their a chance I’m in for all ten rounds. I wrote her back and said I was sorry, I didn’t know she was married. I also add that I would always love her, but I would leave her alone like she wanted me to. Pressed send for the last time. My worst nightmare had just come true. I can’t believe I started to cry. It was like she had dumped me for the first time seven years ago. I pulled myself together long enough to finish up the day and go home. When I got home, I couldn’t help it. I let out a scream so loud, God and devil must have turned to look. I fell to my knees, crying like I was 5 years old again. At that ever moment, the heavens opened up and just poured water down. It felt like God was crying with me and just as hard. I lay their on my floor letting out all the emotions and pain I had keep inside of me. Once I finally got up off the floor, I prayed that God takes care of her and her family, and that he give me the strength to let her go.
That was Feb 19th 2010, I feel better and I know I will be happy one day. I climbed the biggest mountain of my life. I stood at the edge and didn’t jump. I know that all this happened for a reason, yes it did not go my way. But nothing in life ever really goes the way you think. I’m happy that I was able share my life with her, so long ago. I’m happy that because of her and other factors I can say I’m a better man today. I will always love her, but I have to move on. Move on shall. One day I will look back at this and say Feb 19th 2010 was the best day of my life. Thank you for taking the time read this.