I am falling fast in love with a married man

[Evangeline5405]

I know it's wrong so please don't lecture me on this. I don't want to hear any lectures about how I should move on... I just want advice on how I can overcome this and forget him. It's gotten to the point where I think about him all day long, all the time. It's interrupting my work... I find I'd rather daydream about him than do anything else. I know I am wasting my time. But please understand that I did not want this to happen. It just happened. He doesn't know... or even if he does know, he has not made any moves. That's fine with me. But I don't know how to get over this. We don't see each other often, just once a week very briefly, work related. We've been doing this for several months now and have gotten to know each other over the course of this time. I know I just need to move on... but I find myself not wanting to... because I am afraid of losing him. I wish deep inside that he'll divorce his wife and we could live happily ever after. They don't have any kids.... so I feel OK fantasizing about this. Fantasies don't hurt anyone...except me. I know...bad bad bad. I feel such terrible pain at the thought of cutting off all contact with him...really terrible pain. Please help me get over this without having to lose his friendship. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Again, please don't lecture. I know it's wrong..... I just need to know I'm not alone going through this.

[Lulu]

Yeah- a former employer. I still have a crush and I haven't worked for him in about 7 years!! It will fade and you'll move on- you just don't have anyone else to take up your thoughts at the moment....it is a CRUSH- quit telling yourself that you are in love. Big difference- look at it in a different perspective.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I would say you have 90% of the worst under control. You know its wrong, you know you want to get over him. So, at this point its just giving the intellect time to get over the hormones.

My advice is to keep telling yourself its wrong, and why. Remind yourself that even if he did leave his wife for you, that this would mean not good things about his loyalty and character. So, its a no-win however you look at it.

No contact is the best way to get over this asap. That, and finding someone single to transfer your attention to. Good luck.

[Illusional]

find another man to dream about. that seems like the only way that you'll change this crushing feeling if you see yourself as so helpless.

raverboy

[Perryville]

Evangeline, this is a fairly common occurance, and does not mean that you are a bad person. It happened to me a few years ago, with a married older woman, so I know where your at. The only way I ever found to deal with this is to go NC with him, and to date other people , until these feelings fade with time. Believe me, they will fade, as both of your life experiences and interests diverge. After a while, you might be able to be around him, and even establish a friendship type of relationship with him, but not now. Now you need to be away from him. If it is possible, can somebody else deal with him at work? This would help greatly.

[DarkNeko]

There's nothing wrong with lusting after a married person. Often times, a married person might even seem more attractive because they are "forbidden"...I mean, unless they have kids. Then they often are just haggard, frumpy, desperate and in doomed, miserable marriages. But I personally have found that spending time with the person helps quell the crush. I have had crushes on a couple of male friends of mine and I found the less time I spent with them, the more I thought about wanting to be with them or kiss them and what-not. I hung out with them more and more, and the crush was still there, but faded for the most part once I became more comfortable around them. Sounds strange, but I swear it worked. I mean, these guys both eventually admitted they had feelings for me, but that's besides the point.

And hey, you never know...some married people don't mind cheating or have 'open' relationships.

[pearl82]

I know exactly what you're talking about... (Look at my post)

It's been nearly 4 months since November.
As we're "forced" to work together and I'm not willing to change my job just because of him, I had (and still have) to learn to live with the situation. I can agree with the posts above that say it will become less important after a certain time.
But my feelings for him are still present, although I have a boyfriend who is now (finally) willing to share everything...

[QuietLady]

I think the attraction, via his being married, is that he's someone worth having. He may very well be, but his wife has him and that's that. Look for another man, a single man, who has the same traits and go for him! If he commits adultery with you, then he's a jerk and is he worth that much to you?

[VincenzoG91]

If he cheats on his wife, he will cheat on you, too. Are you going to be okay with that?