I need a second chance because I know what went wrong

[Fylef]

Ok me and this girl met whilst away with university for a trip, we got together the second day and it felt really great and we spent the rest of the trip together. We quickly fell in love and both of us said it felt really special. We were both madly in love and spent most of our time together. It was going really great but because it felt so right and we both knew we'd make it last, I kind of got lazy. We stopepd going out as much and we mainly just sat at hers and watched telly. I got tight too, trying to save money for us and she stopped going out with her friends as much because of me, even though she loves going out.

But after a year I finished university so we didnt spend much time together. She is in her last year so she wanted to make the most of it and go out and have fun with her friends, but I was expecting it to be like last year so I'd moan about her going out and the only nights I could see her were the ones her friends went out on, I could have seen her a bit other times too but I thought it was pointless just seeing her for a day. So we didn't see eachother much and when we did it was a bit tense and we had a couple arguments. Then she dumped me a couple weeks ago saying that she wasn't happy with the relationship, it's changed and her feelings have changed and it's not working.

It's just that after a couple weeks apart I realised what went wrong. I killed the romance by never taking her out or doing anything fun, never dressing nice for her or anything. I took her for granted. Then with her going out with her friends, I should have let her and rearranged my work so that I could still see her and avoid any petty arguments and avoid smothering her. The break up has really helped me to mature and I know I wouldn't be like that again. I know we were right for eachother because of how great it felt for both of us. I just need to get a second chance to show her that we can have a happy relationship again. Is there anything I can do? We talked the first week then I went into no contact mode. Should I tell her I know what went wrong but I can fix it?

[iCraveRevenge]

Hey there,

I think what you should do is to talk to her face to face so she would know that you really mean what you say.

[lhn]

Fylef, you may end up in the position like a lot of us... you don't get a second chance most the time.
Ofcourse you realise everything that you did wrong AFTER being dumped. Its the hardest bit to swallow.

[stevelove7]

Hi flyef,

It's seems hard..but you've got to believe yourself you can get her back. Here some tips might help you in getting her back :

1- be her friend. Just Friend.
2- Change yourself and show it to her that you have changed.
3- Start to develop your relationship back..

Remember that, people change .. if you want to change people feeling then you got to change first. Like what i did to my ex.

Good Luck!

[cmacattack1]

Can't say I agree at all about the last post.

I know you feel like you were the fault and the **** up, and yes, you were overbearing at times. And the longer the relationship went on and the fact that she still wanted to end things, the longer the impression you made on her that you weren't going to change.

She has alot of growing up to do too. Her priority is going out and having fun with her friends because this is her last year to do so. I had this mentality and even took it to the extreme when I stayed an extra year. All I did was just delay the inevitable, and that was me growing up. Looking back on it, I realized how short sighted that attitude is. Being outside of college, there is still a whole wide world and lots of good things to do. And there is so much more life after college as well. I dreaded it because it's "Oh get a job and settle down." But it's not. It's an opportunity to have a structured life style and have the money necessary to do bigger and better things.

You can try to tell her and teach her things, you can try to show her that you changed, but it's only if she wants to. You can't keep chasing after her and trying to throw into her face that you changed because that does not show her you changed a tiny bit. She is going to feel how she feels and there isn't anything you can do to change her mind or make her want to come to you. She has to want to yourself.

It's a typical guy ****ed up situation. And you are taking the lessons and applying them to your life, are you not? You grew and gained so much from this, even if it's an empty victory to not have her to share it with. Let her be, and in the tiniest possibility she might come by to give you a second look down the road. I'm saying this being a guy that took an ex for granted and it is a tough pill to swallow knowing that you are an already proven **** up in their mind and that you are going to lose out to any guy that comes along without that bad history. If she runs into a string of assholes maybe you will look better in comparison. Not likely though. Don't get attached to any hope that you are trying to find, it's going to drive you nuts.

You think a couple weeks apart is rough? I'm on four months no contact and I still think about her, dream about her, everyday. What can you do though?

[1ncredible]

Agree^^

You have to let her go mate. Technically once she has dumped you, you should NEVER take her back - as tempting as it sounds.

Why may you ask? Simple, because in the slightest possibility she did come crawling back and you took her on. She will leave you, again and you will hurt even more.

Personally I think she will eventually contact you, providing you play it cool

[Fylef]

Thanks for the advice. Just when I went round to get my stuff a couple days after she ended it she put on facebook that it was the worst day ever and she ended up just spending the next few weeks going out all the time to take her mind off it. She still loved me, just she was unhappy with the relationship. It's like she didn't dump me, she was just getting out of an unhappy relationship. I just keep thinkiing if I show her I have changed and that we can have a happy relationship then she'll give us another go and it'll be like old times, only better because we are more mature. I pushed her away, then the lack of contact and distance put extra strain opn the relationship and it just folded.

Should I ask her to go for a drink to catch up and give back the last couple of things of mine she has, then play it cool. or should I tell her that I know why it went wrong and I've matured so we can have another go, or just leave it and wait for her to come back to me? We were great together, we had amazing chemistry and we both thought it'd last; just I got tight, made it boring and then the distance put too much strain on and both of them combined made an unhappy relationship.

[cmacattack1]

Neither. You had an opportunity and you ****ed up man. Even if you think it's been long enough for you, it more than likely hasn't been long enough for either of you. If she wants to get her mind off it, what can you do? Popping back in won't make things better. Don't use the things excuse as a reason to see her and try to jog her memory of all the good times you had with her. Right now, she's in nothing but pain. As time goes by, slowly the pain will fade and she'll have good memories again.

Bottom line is there isn't much you can do right now except steer clear of this and do your own thing.

[calhob44]

The first thing to do when trying to fix something is be honest. If a delicate vase breaks and you cannot put it back together, promising someone you can fix it won't make them feel any better when you don't fix it. In your case, tell her what you know for a fact. Tell her you still feel love for her, and tell her you have matured and YOU would like to try again.
Notice try in that sentence. Don't go up and say, "We can do it honey!"
If she hears you make a promise and doesn't know if you can keep it, she would rather not take the chance of getting in it and then you breaking the promise. People tend to stray from situations they think will hurt them. Telling her you want to try leaves it up to her, and lets her know you aren't trying to lie or make empty promises just to keep her with you. It also leaves the decision up to her. When you say, "We can do it!", it leaves her in a position where if she says no, she feels like she is hurting you or treating you badly by not giving you a second chance. By leaving it up to her and saying you are willing to do the work to fix this, she doesn't feel like she has to either contribute or dump you. She gets to ease into letting you back into her life. And most of all, it is a second chance for you, not both of you, so everything is on her terms. If she sees you are trying but still feels there isn't enough to stay in it, she can leave on much better terms than you are on now. Also remember if you try and force her into giving you a second chance by begging and pleading and 200 txts a day, she will become pressured and will try and push the pressure as far away as she can. So when you tell her you are willing to try again, WALK AWAY! Say your peace, and leave the decision to her. And if she accepts your honesty but still doesn't give you the second chance then you shouldn't be with her anyways. Hope this helps