Major help needed

[dipuc cupid]

right, i had been with my girlfriend a month or so when i had told her about previous relationships and 'encounters'.

i told her that i had sex with 3 random girls, she wasn't pleased to hear this...

last night i told her everything that happened because i have nothing to hide from her. i went through a little stage (which was when i had sex with those 3 girls) i told her that i was pressured ( i wasn't myself as this wouldn't happen if i was)... i told her that i had sex with the first one after two of my mates had got oral off her, but i couldn't get it up or keep it up because she didn't do anything for me and that i didn't want to do it.

the second wasn't as random because i'd spoke to her for a few months and had been out with her a few times. i told her that while i was having sex with her i realised i had doubted myself because i have always been considered as a nice lad by everyone, even i think i was... i never done anything like this before. i have mates that are like this and are big on the whole 'slag' scene but i am not, i had a small phase at which i've always been appauled at but now i am like, completely devastated because it's affecting my relationship with the girl of my dreams.

the third was another pressured thing because my mate was adament about it... i couldn't perform with her either (same thing as the first girl)

now... she's saying she doesn't know whether she wants to be with me now that she knows that. can someone help me with how i should help her realise that i have to be with her because i love and need her so much?

please?

[dipuc cupid]

and yes i am ashamed at what i had done. does it count that i've been honest about this too and have told her?

[Spring Haze]

can someone help me with how i should help her realise that i have to be with her because i love and need her so much?

No. Why would anyone in their right mind instruct you on how to verbalize your codependency? It's bad enough you are this way.

She is being unreasonable. This information was unnecessary to bring up. If she can't deal with your past, and you're feeling guilty over something that doesn't even concern both of you, maybe it's time to evaluate this whole situation for what it is - and that is that irrelevant acts are factoring in on how she views you. Pull yourself out of this codependent mentality for a fraction of a second and ask yourself if a mere one month relationship is worth this much hassle.

[dipuc cupid]

ok, but no it was only like a month in that i told her ... it's coming up to 6 months now and i've never been this happy, ever.

[starbuck]

I agree with Spring. She's being irrational. It's unfair of her to keep hanging onto the threat of leaving you for five months. She needs to let this stuff go.

There's really nothing you can do but just reiterate to her that your promiscuity was just a phase and to tell her that you would prefer it if you BOTH could move on and leave it in the past.

[dipuc cupid]

right, is it right for her to feel that my 'perfect' image has been shattered because i stupidly gave in to a heavy load of peer pressure 3 times because i was thought of as being gay and a fag who doesn't do anything... where she had cheated on her boyfriend because he cheated on her, she cheated on him with his best mate who she liked and i find this evil but yet i have accepted it and am moving on...

is it right?

[girl68]

You're an utter idiot for verbalizing your sexual history. She's a thriving bitch that thinks she can use this and dangle it over your head when you're bad.

[dipuc cupid]

but i'm being honest with her... i've nothing to hide from her so i didn't see the problem with telling her as i want her to know everything about me and it's like escalated. help...

[Gigabitch]

She's got more to be ashamed of than you do. Give her an ultimatum. Either you both put this behind you or you accept having a shitty relationship forever. Doesn't she want to be happy?

[Chupacabras]

Now you've learned a valuable lesson. Keeping some history to yourself doesn't mean you aren't being honest or sharing, some things are nobody else's business.

[girl68]

No being honest does not indluce listing your sexual encounters. I don't care if you've got nothing to hide. You had no good reason to tell her. It was pure stupidity.

But she's still a crazy bitch. Gigas right: tell her to get over it or you're leaving her.

[dipuc cupid]

thanks for the help i appreciate it... but like, don't call her a bitch thanks

[blondy2]

She's just letting you know that you didn't use good judgement. I bet it's making her a little uneasy thinking you might have sex with a random girl at any time. All you can do is tell her how you feel.

[Gigabitch]

Moving forward, the next time you want to share, be careful about TMI. Your future partners might want to know the nature of your history, meaning the kinds of relationships you've had (the fact that they were multiple randoms and one-offs), but believe me, they do NOT want the details. There is a world of difference. Any woman who says she actually wants specific details about your sexual encounters with other women is weird and should be approached with caution.

My husband had to learn this lesson at the age of 37. If you learn it now, you'll be miles ahead of your peers.

right, is it right for her to feel that my 'perfect' image has been shattered...

Well, disillusionment is the first step toward true wisdom. She should thank you. Now that you're not "perfect", you can both get down to the business of being real.

[dipuc cupid]

she's still going on about it. trying to tell me that the only reason i stopped 'doing anything' with one of the girls was because my mates kept coming in... i also love the way everything's about me, i can't stand the thought that she has previously cheated on people and one with his best mate... and the fact that she has 'done things' too but like, that's in the past right? isn't it what happens now and so forth wth me and her? i'm really confused and frustrated but i want to get through this with her because like i've said, she's the girl of my dreams. anyone?